Does Anyone Know If I Can Like Block Sites From Appearing In My Google Images Searches??? I Keep Getting

wish list for people who don’t want anything

aka possessions which are just possessions, but which have noticeably improved my quality of life: for when people ask you “what do you want for your birthday/Christmas/graduation” and you instantly transform into St Francis and pledge fealty to Lady Poverty because your mind went blank

nice. new. sheets. I cannot emphasize this one enough. if you’re still using the same sheets you had in college, you should probably get new ones. get yourself some 100% bamboo rayon sheets—they’re silky and perfect for summer and great for sensitive skin! or, if you’re cold all the time, flannel sheets!

kitchen knives. or even just one really good kitchen knife.

new curtains—blackout if you are a creature of the night like I am

fleece lined anything, but especially sweatpants and hoodies. wool lined socks are also good. if you don’t have the option of coming home after work and putting on an entire outfit that is loose and fuzzy, you should change that, because you deserve that option.

cookie sheets with a layer of air between the top and the bottom. the bottoms of your cookies will never burn again.

kitchen scale!!! no more leveling off flour with a knife and getting it all over the table!! now all your measuring is just shoveling stuff in and out of bowls like you’re at the beach. baking is both more accurate and also way more fun.

coffee bean grinder. if you want to upgrade your coffee experience, this is a great one-time purchase. just-ground beans have a much better flavor than pre-ground.

CDs!! ask for a gift card and expand your physical music collection! or a collection of the DVDs for your favorite show!

i’m getting my drains out tomorrow and i’m sure things will be different after they’re gone, so here’s my observations about top surgery recovery as of 6 days post-op!

(click here for my first post, from 3 days after)

something i forgot to mention in my last post is that if they tell you a medication has to be taken with food, do not fuck with that. absolutely do not. my antibiotic had to be taken with food and on day 2, i thought “well, i just had breakfast not too long ago, surely that’s close enough and i’ll be fine” and my parents agreed, but guess what? i spent the next hour in hell. the meds made me nauseous so i had to eat, but eating still hurt a lot because of the sore throat from being intubated, so trying to make it better just caused me more pain. and both the sore throat and the nausea (which i guess was as much a heartburn sort of situation as it was nausea) were both very chest-adjacent feelings, so that on top of the usual pain and discomfort from surgery was just a perfect storm of horrible things all centralized to one part of my body. it was awful, and i will never fuck around with something like that again. that being said, if you do find yourself in that situation or are just looking for something light that will still do the job because you’re not that hungry, 10/10 would recommend oatmeal and apple sauce. apple sauce is what finally got my body to stop rioting against me and my bad decisions, and after that i started always taking it halfway through a bowl of oatmeal and that worked perfectly.

on day 4, i was able to sit up and get out of bed by myself for the first time! i still can’t do it just by using my core muscles, but if i hold onto my legs and lower them, i can sort of roll myself up into a sitting position without using any of the affected muscles too much.

on day 5, the sore throat from hell that being intubated gave me finally went away! cheers to not gripping my pillow in pain every two seconds while i swallow my spit anymore. it lasted a while, but it honestly went away pretty fast — on day 4 it was a bit better than it had been, and then the next day it was just gone.

also on day 5, i really started to feel the bandages digging into my armpits. i’m not sure if it’s because the bandage has been slipping up over time, if my armpits have some extra swelling now, or if it’s just been wearing my body down over time, but it feels like it’s starting to cut off circulation at a certain point and it makes my arms ache sometimes. that’s probably not great, but the surgeon will be redoing everything at my post-op anyway so i’ve just been riding it out until then. in the meantime, i can tell it’s definitely worse when i’m sitting back and kind of slouched (because that position pushes it up more), so i try to sit up or walk around when i feel it. having pillows on either side of me to put my elbows up on definitely also helps a lot — that’s how i’ve been sleeping, but it would be good for just sitting too.

also also on day 5, i started getting this weird fluttery feeling in the spot where the left side of my chest and the meat of my left armpit connect. it feels like it’s probably some sort of muscle spasm. it’s not painful at all, but i honestly wish it was because it’s just super weird and uncomfortable instead and i hate it. it genuinely might be my least favorite out of any pains or sensations i’ve had so far. luckily, though, it seems like it’s already died down and only happened a couple times today.

my energy has been all over the place. i’m at the point now where mentally i’m much closer to my normal state so i’m once again having the adhd urge to constantly do stuff, but my body’s ability to keep up is far less consistent. sometimes i get restless and can just get up and pace around for a while, but other times i try to do that and get really quickly exhausted. i’m definitely more able to have conversations and feel more like myself now though, even when my body is tired out.

i’ve been thirsty as all hell the past few days. i feel like i’m constantly asking my boyfriend to refill my water for me because i drain it so fast. it’s a very specific kind of thirst, too — like it never quite goes away even when i’m definitely very thoroughly hydrated, and like anything but water can’t even touch it. it’s not a bad thing, getting lots of fluids after surgery is important and i wouldn’t be surprised if that’s exactly why my body is doing it, but it is a bit frustrating to just be incessantly thirsty for days at a time.

my walking posture is getting straighter every day. i still have to hold my chest to walk because of the bandage feeling like it drags things down, but if i’m walking with my mastectomy pillow, it mostly just looks like a typical slouch and not the deep hunch i started with.

at this point, my chest is super sensitive to any kind of movement, and that’s the other thing the pillow has been really good for at this stage. if the bandage shifts at all, if my body moves at all, basically anything — i feel it all in my chest really intensely. it’s not always painful, but it isn’t comfortable either. holding the pillow to my chest helps stabilize things so the movement doesn’t reach the sensitive parts as much, which is really great.

walking up stairs is easier than walking down stairs, which is the exact opposite of what i would’ve guessed. from what i can tell just from moving around, i think it’s because bending your legs up to a higher step pretty solidly relies on your legs and lower core muscles to make it happen, while reaching your legs down to a lower step requires stretching your body out (which is famously not your body’s favorite thing to do after top surgery). it often feels like i almost can’t reach the step below and have to just barely catch it with the balls of my feet. it’s also just generally been good to take the stairs super slow going up or down because you really can’t use the railing — putting enough weight on it to really rely on it at all requires using chest muscles, so the best i’ve been able to do is just rest my hand on it in case of emergency (because i’d rather hurt my chest than crack my head open if it comes to that).

one of the things that makes the stairs hard is that my center of balance is off from hunching, and that definitely affects my walking too. it’s less pronounced now that i’m in the habit of using the pillow to walk straighter, but i have to take shorter strides and sort of shuffle around because longer strides need better balance, and even with the shuffle i’m stumbling more than usual. i already have some balance problems so i’m pretty used to the feeling of it, but it has freaked my parents out a couple times to see me start listing to one side before i catch myself.

fuck reflexes. reflexes are the actual worst. something i didn’t anticipate is that no matter how careful you are to not reach your arms too far or move them too fast, you can never totally account for what you do if something starts falling. a few times now, i’ve definitely reached too far or fast before stopping myself because i saw something about to go down and my brain instinctively told my hands to catch it. i’m not sure if there’s anything you can really do about that, but it’s worth being aware of because it caught me by surprise the first time i did it.

one side of my chest has been consistently more swollen than the other. that side has also consistently drained less, and the fluid it does drain is darker and redder. we asked my surgeon if that was normal and she said there’s almost always one side that drains more than the other, but it’s still something we’ve been keeping an eye on. hopefully i’ll be able to get a more concrete answer at my post-op, once she can see the swelling up close and look at the drainage numbers from the past week.

as i’ve been getting some use of my body back, the pain in my chest has gotten a bit more obvious. it’s milder pain, and when i’m not doing anything it’s mostly painless to the point where i’m going a lot longer between tylenol doses, but when i’m using my body, i can definitely feel it. the fact that i’m not avoiding physical activity like the plague as much means i’m noticing more pain even though objectively my pain levels have gone down — the things that hurt now didn’t hurt less before, i just didn’t even attempt them before because i knew they would hurt so much. now that the pain is down, i can try more things, which means i’m more likely to try something that ends up hurting. of course, you should always try to follow the if-it-hurts-then-stop rule, but you can’t avoid the pain altogether as you learn your body’s boundaries, so i ended up getting to a point where getting better feels like getting worse.

on that note, i’ve also learned that there’s a pretty distinct difference between milder “i should proceed with caution” pain and intense “stop what you’re doing right now” pain. as much as avoiding things that hurt is ideal, it’s not always realistic, but my body has definitely been very clear in telling me what i can and can’t compromise on. in the beginning i was really paranoid about doing anything that caused any pain at all, but now i’m more familiar with where i can push a bit further if needed and where i really need to hold off.

i’ve been getting chills much more easily lately, and they’ve also been SUPER strong. i’ll be watching a show or listening to music and something will give me chills, and it’s a really intense feeling all across my ribs, and even thinking about the thing that caused it brings on a whole new wave. i’m super curious to see if it’s just a temporary result of my nerves doing their thing or if it’ll stick around long-term. it’s not unpleasant at all, i honestly really like it.

i got some food for myself for the first time today (day 6) and it just involved slicing some pretty soft cheese, but wow, it was a workout for my shoulder. i’m guessing it’s because i haven’t really used my muscles in that way for a week, and because not being able to use my chest muscles means i was relying on my shoulder a lot more to do all the work of moving my arm. by the time i was done, just holding the block of cheese to put it back in the fridge felt like lifting weights.

i didn’t change my shirt the first few days but i’ve changed a few times now, and we’ve perfected the art of getting a button up shirt on me without overreaching my arms at all. basically, you want to put both arms into the sleeves before you lift the shirt up onto your shoulders, because once the shirt is on one shoulder, you have to reach back a lot farther to get to the other sleeve. once you have both arms in, you can lift it onto your shoulders and button it. ideally, whoever’s helping you should do most of the work to pull the sleeves over your arms so you don’t have to stretch your arm out to get them on. i’m sure that’ll be overkill once i have a bit more mobility, but for now, it works great. it definitely would be tough if the shirt was fitted though, so i’m glad i went up a size.

i hope my posts like this have been helpful, or at least interesting to read! i’ll definitely keep updating as time goes on and things change, and i’m also going to work on a breakdown of my experience at the hospital pre- and post-op, as well as my post-op appointment experience once that happens tomorrow.

y’all are getting the good, the bad, and the ugly of my recovery experience. i know a lot of this has been very focused on the bad and the ugly so far because surgery is generally rough, but i’m going to see my chest again tomorrow so stay tuned for some good!

i’m so tired of people around being being tiktokified and instagrammable and aggressively beauty and anti-ageing focussed “i need glass skin” “i need to purge my cortisol” “i have toxic estrogen levels” “i need a 16 step shower routine” “i need a 2k face light mask” “i need to only eat grass fed organic pure octopus from the slopes of the Andes” you NEED to be hobbymaxxing actually.

Intrafamilial Parent/Child SA

An informational post on what it is, and advice on how to leave

CW: Incest, paedophilia, childhood sexual abuse, rape, manipulation, gaslighting,

Being a parental incest survivor is incredibly isolating, so I wrote this.

I wrote this with the intention that people currently experiencing this abuse will be able to read it. I took pains to keep the material factual to the ways we are/were manipulated and controlled. I don't discuss specific acts of sexual abuse because these are immaterial to this discussion and individual to the survivor.

Intrafamilial Sexual Assault is the most common form of CSA, Parents are the most common perpetrators of intrafamilial sexual abuse and also the most common perpetrators of childhood sexual abuse, and the next most common being an older sibling. Discretion advised in reading linked criminology paper.

Educational material below the cut.... Please reblog, lack of discussion/knowledge is both isolating and dangerous.

I can't believe I have to say this but I didn't write this for your fandom discourse, I'm not interested in being involved

Parental Incest is an unsettlingly common form of child abuse

Cases of parental incest are far more common than people generally believe. At least 15% of people have experienced a sexual contact of some kind by a parent during their life time, with a significant portion of us being subjected to sexual penetration or attempted penetration. This isn't something you need to feel isolated in as a survivor, don't be silent.

Tell People! Don't keep secrets... But make sure you prepared your safe exit.

Preferably the person you disclose to first is someone who is not connected to your parent/abuser, and is also a person who can help you to leave the abusive situation permanently. If you are a minor you can also make contact with child services (which I encourage if you are below the legal age of independence or there are other children in the house).

Abusers groom their character witnesses as deeply as they groom you. Whatever chips in the wall led you to question your parent/abuser, the people close to them haven't experienced and they have likely groomed the people around you to see you as a "story teller", "attention seeking", or "trouble".

You are likely to be accused of many things, and called many unpleasant names by members of your family and people close to you that you expected to treat you better or protect you, it will hurt.... But you are likely not the only person your parent/abuser has hurt/is hurting.

The reason for telling a person outside of your abusers influence first is that they can reassure you that you are right to act against your abuser if the people you love try to convince you that you're doing the wrong thing.

Why do survivors of parental incest feel obligated to protect our abusers?

Adult perpetrators of Incest act with predictable and repeated behaviours to instill a sense of complicity in their victims/children.

Introducing sexual ideas and behaviours through play.

"Love bombing" making the child feel especially important above other relationships in the parents life.

The parent makes great pains to reinforce to the child how "mature" and "trustworthy" they are.

The parent initiates sexual behaviours, typically followed by emotional reinforcement and statements of the child's responsibility for secrecy.

The narrative of the story is often changed to say that the child initiated the sexual relationship, "you were precocious" or "this was never meant to happen, but I'm glad it did".

If the child questions the relationship the parent explains it away, saying that the world doesn't understand relationships like theirs.

The experience doesn't need to match exactly, but it is likely to follow this closely.

We also feel conflict because beyond the grooming, the experience is paradoxical. You still experience sexual responses, arousal, pleasure and orgasm being subjected to intrafamilial sexual assault. It's traumatic and deeply confusing all on its own.

Abuse usually continues into adulthood.

The continuing abuse isn't necessarily sexual, though it often is, exiting any association with the parent/abuser is important because Incest is a particularly insidious vector of control.

The parent/abuser can leverage both the years of grooming, and also the embarrassment of an adult victim with their associated anxiety (with their generally undiagnosed c-PTSD) to exert control over the survivor/victim. Maintaining their silence, subservience and obedience. Allowing the parent/abuser to extract labour, financial support, and near anything else.

There are no excuses anybody can give for protecting your abuser!!!

There are no excuses, and you should not give any credence to anybody's argument in defence of them... You should not protect them but also you are not required to pursue prosecution of your parent/abuser. We survivors often struggle with significant trauma and have limited support networks. Your safety is paramount and always comes first.

When confronted perpetrators and those close to them will often obfuscate the abuses and their severity.

"it was a lapse in judgement", "I made a mistake", "it won't happen again"...

Or reasons why they can't be reported, such as they are too important to the family's finances, or if they go to prison they will be in danger....

Keep records, if you can do so safely.

This is the hardest part of it all.

If you have records (text messages, emails, letters, photos) keep them. You may not want to pursue prosecution now, but you may one day.

If you have soiled fabrics, put them in a PAPER bag somewhere dry and later seal them in zip lock bags with those silica gel packets if you can. DRY IS GOOD.

If you have not yet been able to leave your situation, diarise events (date/time, brief description). If it is safe to do so.

This will aid any future legal proceedings... Whether you are seeking prosecution or not.

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(Note: statistically intrafamilial sexual abusers are exclusively intrafamilial abusers, and generally do not have an inclination to abuse children that share no familial ties and may not clinically be paedophiles despite engaging in sexual abuse of children).

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This post does not discuss sibling incest perpetrators and survivors for these reasons.

Primarily my reason is that Intrafamilial Sexual Assault by a Sibling isn't within my experience

My second reason is that perpetrators behave differently at different ages and if I am going to write about Intrafamilial Sexual Assault by Siblings I will dedicate a post to it.

Third, parents are more common as perpetrators than siblings, while siblings are more likely to be prosecuted and less likely to successfully appeal (despite the overall rate of prosecution being low across the board) discussion bridging the two would need to address the failures in justice and the complexity of this is beyond the scope of this post.

eat delicious things in every sense. savor novels that unravel slowly, like decadent meals for the mind. let sunlight kiss ur skin, bask in its warmth like an endless summer. hold close the people who make you feel alive, kiss them tenderly, love them fiercely. laugh at bad jokes, the kind that make you roll ur eyes but secretly smile. plant basil on your windowsill, water it with care, breathe in its fragrance as you stir it into your meals. be unafraid to indulge in beauty, to notice it everywhere and to consume it greedily. there is no virtue in starving yourself of joy, no wisdom in rationing delight.

You don't draw because you think your art looks bad so you stopped drawing so you never got better at it so it looks bad so you don't draw. Do you understand the problem

I realise there is only so much advice you can follow. Ultimately, you have to live. That means making mistakes. You can’t go through life expecting that wise words will be enough. Sometimes you have to suffer to learn the lesson.

So a free tool called GLAZE has been developed that allows artists to cloak their artwork so it can't be mimicked by AI art tools.

AI art bros are big mad about it.

hey you. indie creator. get rid of the corporate execs and the imaginary writers room in your brain. the cynical youtube reviewers and disney fans who want sanitized uwu gays probably are never even gonna be even slightly aware of your existence. write those unrelatable blorbos and those messy themes and that weirdly sexy violence. you have no one to answer to but yourself. give yourself what you want and maybe some day, some 3 random lesbians from the internet whose interests you have somehow exactly hit will look at your thing and think its pretty cool, and in the end thats all you ever needed