Important Information For My Guise & NB People Who Bind

next specialist to refuse testing or blame my maladies on my anxiety or weight despite me asking (begging, at this point) for further testing/a differential diagnosis is getting hit with the "document your refusal in my chart." no i am not "taking it one step at a time" no i am not accepting "you're just anxious" or "you're just overweight" as an answer. you are going to be a FUCKING DOCTOR and treat me. fuck you.

this is ok to reblog btw, i Encourage people in similar situations to express their anger. you deserve better we all fucking deserve better. no more being afraid of making them upset or angry. THEY make us suffer and want to die with their negligence. whatever discomfort we bring them by demanding documentation doesnt mean SHIT compared to what we go through.

rise up my disabled siblings, we have nothing to lose but a shitty fucking doctor.

not to be a hedonist but. pleasure IS the whole point, my loves. we are made for pleasure. humans have not survived out of spite or sheer grit or simply to make more humans. we live for pleasure. the pleasure of licking the last delicious crumbs off your fingers and feeling sunlight on your skin and massaging a loved one's shoulders. we're made to fill our bellies with delicious food, to nap in soft grass, to touch each other in joy and comfort.

there is no shame or guilt in our bodies doing what they were made to do. and we are made for pleasure.

On of the less intuitive things about love, I've found, of any kind, is the importance of needing things.

I didn't realize it until recently, but I've always seen love as something requiring sacrifice, selflessness, patience, and generosity- to ask for nothing is to be the best person I can be, small and quiet and never in the way, always happy and helpful, self-sufficient and present when desired.

It's only as an adult, now, that I'm beginning to see the selfishness of wanting nothing.

I cut my friend's hair in my kitchen the other day. They wanted a trim and I had the skills, so I offered, and was genuinely excited when they stopped hesitating over "bothering me" and took me up on it. It was a peaceful afternoon, and we had tea and chatted for an hour or more.

My brother and I shared popcorn at the movies a while ago. When I came time to pay, I pulled my card out like a wild western sheriff and slapped it on the machine before he could fight me for it first. The satisfaction was delightful.

Someone called me crying on the phone the other day. Kept apologizing for disturbing me at work, talking about how they were bothering me on my lunch break. I was telling the truth when I told them that really, I was flattered and honored and relieved, knowing that if they were hurting I would know, that I didn't have to worry in silence. It felt good to hear them slowly come down, and to know that they knew it would be better soon, and to hear them laugh wetly on the other end. We're getting together for a visit next week.

It's hard to need things, if you've trained yourself not to. It's hard to want things, when you don't know how to want anymore. Trusting people is difficult, and so is relying on them, but I don't know where I'd be without the people who rely on me.

I've heard a lot of people say, "Nobody will love you unless you love yourself". I've had a lot of thoughts about it. It's not right, but it's not wrong, either, I think.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... I've always taken that to mean, "You will not be lovable until you develop a positive view of yourself as a person".

Now, I think it's sort of inside-out.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... because nobody can show their love to you in a way that you can accept until you treat yourself kindly, and learn what you need, and what you want, and how to ask for it, and then give that vulnerability away.

Love, for me, is someone I ask for a ride to the airport. Whether they end up doing this or not is irrelevant.

It's not needy, or selfish, or taking up energy. It's giving the gift of being wanted, and needed, and thought of. It's giving someone the security of being part of someone's life.

Anyone can help!

(Real pen the last picture)

It is important for EVERYONE to know how to help ANYONE. Not everyone can give them selves their medicine under every circumstance. Be educated, help out.

In the last year, i have gotten about five new violent allergies from foods i used to be able to eat. Next time i eat a fruit, my throat could close. I may not be able to inject myself. My boyfriend and i played with my trainer pen for like 30 minutes. He knows how to inject it. I know how. This is important.

In the age of automation and artificial intelligences, I suspect people would rather change 1 & 2 to a universal basic income and a 20 hour work week, but it certainly is a start.

I think we should have a turn of phrase for "I'm not in the right, but I AM annoyed with this situation, so I just need to go bitch to a friend about this before I suck it up and go do the right thing" because more and more I'm finding this is a critical element of functional adulthood.

Telling yourself could have done "more" to help a situation, is sometimes a lie.

Sure, sometimes we could have put forth a little more effort, but if you were giving so much that you were constantly drained and stressed, you could not have given more to the situation without injuring yourself.

You did everything you could while still surviving. You are not a bad person because you didn't sacrifice yourself completely for something/someone else.

You did everything you could.

You don't draw because you think your art looks bad so you stopped drawing so you never got better at it so it looks bad so you don't draw. Do you understand the problem

This post is your reminder that you are not obligated to blog about current events.

Things are bad. Really bad. Do not let people guilt trip you into tormenting yourself even further over the fact that things are bad. Doomscrolling is not activism.

If you're just on tumblr to blorbopost or reblog pretty pictures, you are not harming people by inaction.

You are not a bad person for not dedicating every aspect of your life and leisure space to whatever disgusting mask-off attack on human life and dignity some government has decided to enact.

Take action where you can, but don't confuse doomscrolling and digital self harm for action.

If you need to lose yourself in blorboposting, go for it.

If you need to log off for the day, whether it's to take irl action or to protect what little sanity any of us have left over the past 7 years, then by all means, do.

Morale is important. Hope is important. Small joys keep us from burning out completely in times like this. Do not let any "if you don't reblog this I'm judging you" guilt trip convince you otherwise.