Latest Posts by punchy-academic - Page 2

Radishes are overachievers

The Blues Brothers (1980)

reblog if your name isn't Amanda.

2,121,566 people are not Amanda and counting!

We’ll find you Amanda.

Actual things that happen in the 1897 Dracula novel, without context:

A character has ominous nightmares and attributes them to eating too much paprika

Dracula first appears wearing a fake beard

The person he was trying to fool with the fake beard immediately realizes Dracula and Beard Guy are the same man, due to both having really firm handshakes

We are told parrots are immortal unless fatally wounded

A Texan cowboy opens fire on a bat flitting around a window, and lodges a bullet in the wall of an occupied room

A woman is called a polyandrist for receiving blood transfusions from multiple men

An incorrectly addressed telegram leads to two deaths, multiple druggings, and several children being assaulted

Dracula, while trying to maintain a low profile, takes a lovely trip to the zoo and freaks out the animals so badly that he gets mentioned in a newspaper article

The one character who knows anything about vampires spends a good two-thirds of the book refusing to talk about vampires

Dracula went to Satan's Witchcraft Academy and somehow this is only brought up in two throwaway lines

A character gets stuck inside a circle of communion wafer crumbs

A major plot point of the book is Dracula (who was said to be a brilliant scholar and has the strength of twenty mortal men) realizing he can move boxes without human help

Someone is referred to as "manifestly a prig of the first water"

Two characters have a hobby of reading train schedules

A hospital lets a mental patient escape to see what will happen

A character starts vomiting up feathers from eating whole birds

A doctor refuses to give a medical diagnosis and instead makes a speech about growing corn

Dracula impersonates another character just by wearing the same clothes, despite being taller and visibly much older. This deception is successful.

A character "cleans" a room by eating all the insects in it

Suddenly: rats. Thousands of them.

The heroes progress in their efforts through "the wonderful power of money," i.e., bribery

Dracula has three other vampires in his castle. Their relation to him is never explained, nor are any of them named.

A character insists his salvation depends on having a pet cat

Dracula is thwarted by flowers on more than one occasion

A group of vampires stand in the hall outside a man's bedroom, talking loudly about their plans to eat him. When he comes to the door to confront them, they run away laughing

Dracula wears an unfashionable hat and gets roasted for it

A group of Romanians encounter a disheveled, shouting man and, "seeing from his violent demeanour that he was English, they [give] him a ticket for the furthest station on the way thither that the train reached."

A boat crashes due to Dracula having the munchies

A wolf is thrown through a window and immediately runs off, confused and covered in glass

Dracula makes a bed

HAS THIS BEEN DONE YET?? WELL IT HAS NOW

TRULY, THEY ARE PARALLELS OF ONE ANOTHER

The English language deserves more terms on endearment that are used casually. I only ever hear them for relationships or in sarcasm and that is a real shame.

She snapped because it’s infuriating how people will twist practices that make perfect sense as a way to turn a profit or to accuse producers/processors of wasting food or ruining product for something as silly as food not being “pretty.”

Yes, food waste is an issue, but it’s not the issue you think it is.

Very informative thread -source

Will u join the challenge?

Keep your messaging simple:

“Trump fired everyone in charge of airplane safety, and a week later planes started crashing into each other.”

That’s it. That’s the messaging. Don’t get bogged down disputing Trump’s false claims. Just blame him, in short and repeatable sentences.

can you imagine how freaky shark mermaids would be like unlike sharks, shark mermaids would have actual arms/hands and could rely on touching things with their hands to see if they’re prey rather than having to bite like sharks do. like youre just swimming in the ocean and suddenly you feel a strong grip on your leg, you freak the FUCK out because uh what????? the fuck??? youre swimming alone in the ocean??

a head pops out of the water, dorsal fin pointed from its back and it just points at you and says in a low whisper: “i thought you were a seal. please dont swim alone like this, im sorry i scared you i just wanted to see what you are” and then disappears back into the depth. what the fuck.

evil infodumping where you just tell lies

It’s got to be a good sign that my cat will just lay on his back with his belly exposed anywhere in and around the house, but gosh sometimes I look at him like “you have the WORST survival instincts bub” especially when he does it so close to a doorway I’m constantly walking in and out of.

time is fake

maybe the real northwest passage is the friends we ate along the way

I love that they respect and trust each other wholeheartedly

Since I'm already spamming my followers with midnight burger id like to say

I love Zebulon and Effie Mucklewain

I love that they are so passionate

I love that they are full of quips

I love Effie's mean streak

I love how they performed an illegal (interracial, 1920s arkansas) marriage ceremony because they felt that it was between two good people who loved and supported each other

I love that they were appalled knowing how long it took for that law to change

I love their disguises for the planets/times earth side when being two Jesus lovers from Arkansas just isn't the vibe

I love that they exist in technology

I love that they are the hot ones

I love that Zebulon's test of friend or foe is finding out if his pig best friend is waiting for him or not

I love Effie saying "Divorce is a Sin" as a reason for their marriage lasting so long and Zebulon saying "and because we love each other?" "Yes also that"

I love the mucklewains

I lied, I don’t like sex. Put your clothes back on, we’re listening to Midnight Burger.

imagine finding a fossil that at first seems like an ancient human, but once you actually take samples of it, you find out it's a 17 million year old fossil, and it's a perfect dna match to you.

Somewhere between (งಠ_ಠ)ง and  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  every day.

we shpuld make a tumblr bar with drinks like sonic screwdriver and the baker street mule

What if Jon found out about Georgie and Melanie a really horrible way?

(This is the spiritual successor to my first Daisira post, eat up my childrenn)

Hayward is hard to place because it changes depending on what season you’re on.

Spot on with the rest though

TSV Character Alignments

Looks like a cinnamon roll, is a cinnamon roll: Ancantha

Looks like a cinnamon roll, could kill you: High Prophet Faulkner, sibling Rane, Paige, Vaughn, Shrue

Looks like could kill you, is a cinnamon roll: sister Carpenter, Gage, Val

Looks like could kill you, will kill you: Daggler, Mercer

Hayward not listed bc idk where to put him :/ he's either looks like a cinnamon roll, could kill you or looks like could kill you, is a cinnamon roll but idk which

Kim Addonizio, from “For Desire”, Tell Me

congrats, once you enter the magpod universe you are now bisexual unless it becomes important somehow.

The fact that this is 80 fucking years ago but still just as relevant is terrifying.

Listen if the study of ancient humans doesn’t make you at least a little bit emotional idk what to say.

I started crying today at the museum because they had reconstructed the shoes of Otzi the iceman.

Either he or someone he knew who cared about him made these shoes out of grass and bear skin and twine and he was wearing them when he died over five thousand years ago.

And a Czech researcher and his students did reconstructions of these shoes and wore them to the same place where he died to test them out and they were like yep! These shoes are really cozy and comfy and didn’t give us blisters while hiking!

Is that not just the coolest shit ever????