"But You Don't Look Like A Narcissist"

I wish people who believe in narcissistic abuse and act like people with NPD are so evil were not even human understood that having NPD can absolutely motivate people to do good things.

I have NPD and I work in education. At the school I work at, we have a couple Ukrainian kids who don’t speak English. I have begun learning Ukrainian (or well, trying to, this is my first time trying to learn a language that uses a different alphabet than English so progress is slow), specifically because I want to be the one to make these kiddos feel welcome. I want to be the one teacher who has put in effort to learn their language, rather than just trying to teach them ours. That’s a good thing to do, but if I didn’t have NPD I probably wouldn’t bother to do that and would just use google translate (like all the rest of the teachers).

I, like other narcissists, find that most of my motivation comes from looking for another narc high, and for me, I am much more likely to get a narc high from doing something good and feeling good about myself because I did something good, than I ever would from making someone else feel bad about themself. Why would I spend my time going around hurting other people for no reason when I could put my effort into doing something actually cool and then everyone will think I’m awesome because I actually did something awesome?

I know I’m not the only narcissist like this, but sure, let’s keep spreading the rhetoric that narcissists only exist to hurt people.

Me: ah yes it’s nice to be in a part of the internet where I can let my guard down and show my true—

My brain: impress the other narcissists

Me: what?

My brain: you have to impress them

So many of my NPD traits come from being told the exact opposite of what the disorder is all about. I spent years and years being constantly told both through actions and words that I was inferior. That I didn’t matter. And I will be damned if I let anyone make me feel inferior again.

That’s really what it boils down to. It’s not about being more than. It's about the intense dread of being less than.

CW: mentions of "narc abuse" and ableism against pwNPD

There is no NPD awareness day but there is "narcissistic abuse awareness day" on June 1st.

My proposal: we take over the whole first week of June and make it NPD awareness week. We use that week to raise awareness of what NPD is and the fact that the concept of narcissistic abuse is DEEPLY ableist and it doesn't exist.

They might claim we're being narcissistic by making a day "about abuse victims" about us, as if most of us aren't abuse victims ourselves, but they already made it about us when they made a day about "narcissistic abuse" instead of calling it what it is: emotional abuse. It's not our fault they're so obsessed with us that they blame us for the actions of a completely unrelated group of people (abusers) /hj

But in all seriousness, I do think making June cluster B awareness month, with NPD the first week, ASPD the second, HPD the third, and BPD the fourth (May is BPD awareness month, but almost no one knows this, so including it in June makes sense), would be a good idea.

(If there already is an awareness time, lmk, google only showing me the ableist bullshit)

“not everything in life is about winning” ok then what the fuck is it about? losing ?? genuinely how can you live with yourself if you just let others beat you

adhd + questioning npd culture is hyperfixating on npd and over analyzing your thought processes instead of taking care of basic needs and responsibilities or engaging with other people

-🍎

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As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.

Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.

The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.

I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.

I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.

As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.

95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'

I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.

That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.

There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.

My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.

Borderline patients can't win.

And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.

BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.

Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.

And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.

I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.

Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.

Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.

To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.

I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.

I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.

You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.

Borderline people I'm sorry.

“Don’t let your disorder define you”

Okay but do you support the people whose disorders do define them?

Do you support people with the chronic illnesses who have had to develop whole lives around their conditions? Do you support the intellectually disabled people whose whole way of thinking is defined by their disorder? Do you support the people with personality disorders who literally have a disorder as a personality? Do you support the autism/ADHD people whose disorder you can’t separate from who they are? Do you support the DIDOSDD people who have multiple definitions of themselves because of their disorder?

Or are you just saying that because a disorder defining someone means you can’t ignore it.

Remember when someone was like “haha the funniest thing tumblr could do right now is make it so you get a badge for looking at 600 posts instead of what twitters doing lol” and then they did it. That was pretty awesome. I think the funniest thing tumblr could do right now is stop flagging trans women’s post as sexual right fucking now lol and fix prev tags and get rid of the fucking bigots and racists and nazis for once haha and also apologize for this shit. Wouldn’t that be pretty funny lol haha it would be so funny if they did this

fun fact if you have a hobby you are not a narcissist. if you have a favourite colour you are not a narcissist. if you have a tumblr mutual you are not a narcissist. if you try to do anything good you are not a narcissist. if you have a family you are not a narcissist.

get BACK on the abusive grind, you're slipping, alpha.