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boundaries between a regressor and caregiver - what are they and how to put them in place ! [a guide]

i often get people in my inbox saying "quinny i wanna ask my bf/gf/friend/etc to be my cg!!" which is great and awesome !! i'm so happy you found someone who you feel safe enough to regress with !! but, you little ones need to be mindful that finding someone to be your caregiver is only half the journey!!

so, here is a [mostly] compressive guide to agere boundaries !!

What are boundaries?

In simple terms, boundaries are the invisible lines we draw for our friends/family/significant other so we can feel respected in relationships!

These can be emotional, with examples such as :

Please don't discuss [insert triggering subject] when I'm present

Please don't shame my interests

Please don't lie to me

These can also be physical, which examples such as :

Please don't hold my hand without asking

Please don't sneak up behind me

Please rush me while I'm speaking

Boundaries are cool!! Can I have some?!

Of course you can kid! Boundaries are for everyone!

How can I set my boundaries?

Well first, you have to identify what your boundaries are! This is fairly easy!! Ask yourself some of the following questions,

Do I feel safe when [insert a specific action] occurs near me?

Do I feel loved when [insert a specific action] occurs near me?

[Examples of actions can include; yelling, lying, raising voices, etc etc.]

Once you figure out what your boundaries are, you can start vocalizing them! It might feel scary at first, but in the long run it'll lead to healthy communication and relationships :)

Find a time to sit with your regressor/caregiver to discuss both your boundaries, allow the conversation to be a two way street- be open to listening to your partners boundaries and answering questions [within reason].

This does not mean to allow your partner to pick and choose which of your boundaries they listen too. It simply means be open to further explaining how they can respect your boundaries- this could be a learning process for both of you !!

How do boundaries apply to caregivers and regressor relationships?

Let us get one thing clear, boundaries apply to every type of relationship. You and your boss at work, you and your teachers, you and your second cousin's dog walker...every type of relationship has boundaries because well, everyone has boundaries!

Regressors are allowed to have boundaries.

Caregivers are allowed to have boundaries.

It's important that we communicate these boundaries with our regressor/caregiver otherwise an incident can occur that can lead to an unhealthy/unhappy littlespace/carerspace.

Common boundaries that regressors may have :

Don't swear when I'm regressed

Don't shout at/around me when I'm regressed

Don't touch me on my [insert body part]

Common boundaries that caregivers may have :

I'm not comfortable with helping you [insert task]

I'm not comfortable discussing [insert topic] when you're regressed

I need space before I'm ready to properly caregive

if you've vocalized your boundaries yet find that there is a cycle of them being disregarded, then you may not be in a safe dynamic :(

[dividers creds to @softandsleepyboy]

-- with sparkles and love,

quinny 💌

tips to caring for littles who suffer from:

emotional dysregulation, hyper empathy,

and harsh moodswings !!

• develop grounding techniques to bring your little back to earth when they spiral. (breathing exercises, hand squeezing, observation games, etc.)

• remind them that what they're feeling is only big right now, and will pass.

• offer reassurance and spend time with them. Do not get angry if your little is easily upset or agitated.

• if the source of the moodswing or dysregulation is removable, try to get your little or the cause away from the other.

• find distractions to help your baby cope. (tv, games, toys, coloring, etc.)

• offer to talk with them about their big feelings and / or listen.

• if they're comfortable with it, take over bigger tasks and set down rules to prevent harm. (Ex: earlier bedtimes, no exceptions.)

• show love towards your little, and communicate your feelings aswell.

• encourage your little to be open about their moodswings the moment they have them. Preventing further damage or fear for both parties.

• if your little is experiencing hyper empathy towards another party, assure them they're a good person for feeling on the other's behalf, but remind them that they're their own person.

• if your little is neglecting themselves for others, step in and stop them from doing so if safe.

As someone who experiences big emotions very quickly, and has symptoms of hyper empathy as well as bpd. I have a hard time distinguishing my emotions, I hope this post helps others like me ^^ feel free to add your own tips on!

⋆˚ ​🇹​​🇪​​🇨​​🇭​​🇰​​🇮​​🇳​ 🐾 ​🇵​​🇺​​🇵​​🇵​​🇾​ ​🇷​​🇪​​🇬​​🇷​​🇪​​🇸​​🇸​​🇮​​🇴​​🇳​ ​🇮​​🇸​… ˖°

ⓘ - head scratches = system update. thank u. rebooting now.

ⓘ - curling up into a tiny ball like a sleepy lil system reboot

ⓘ - default setting: slow and sleepy-mode, every movement a soft lil lag

ⓘ - only responds to gentle voices, commands must be typed with kindness

ⓘ - blowing out tiny puffs of air when overheating… system cooling down…

ⓘ - “can i do this?” popup reappears despite selecting ‘yes’ already

ⓘ - instinctively whining when overwhelmed? it’s okay, error logs need outlets too

ⓘ - excitement = screen flickers n tail wags!!!

ⓘ - sudden changes = system glitch!!! please restart with cuddles and soothing voice

ⓘ - tail-waggy excitement over the tiniest updates or love bytes

ⓘ - making silly loud random noises because your system needs a reboot or just wants to bark!

ⓘ - always looking for approval from their “admin” (cg/friend/etc). even for things they already know are okay

ⓘ - plushies = emotional external hard drives. squish to release data

[♡ ​🇸​​🇾​​🇸​​🇹​​🇪​​🇲​ ​🇲​​🇪​​🇸​​🇸​​🇦​​🇬​​🇪​⦂ ​🇾​​🇴​​🇺​❜​🇷​​🇪​ ​🇩​​🇴​​🇮​​🇳​​🇬​ ​🇬​​🇷​​🇪​​🇦​​🇹​, ​🇵​​🇺​​🇵​​🇵​​🇾​​🇧​​🇴​​🇹​ ♡]

sending update patches in the form of treats and warm blankies! ૮ ･ ﻌ･ა

requested by @d0gt1ztk !

twee toddler core ! 🍎☀️🍀

Sleepy moodboard 🌙💤

— • Anxious Bunny

What’s wrong, bun? Why are you hiding down there? There is a lot of dust under your bed..come, come, food is almost ready. If you want to get to the park early we’ll have to leave soon..oh? Anxious? Oh, bunny, there is no need to be anxious. Here, sit by me and tell me what’s wrong. No need to be nervous, I’m right here for you my little bunny…Oh dear, well, it’s okay to be anxious even if we don’t know why. Sometimes, we wake up a bundle of nerves! And even if we woke up in a soft, warm bed, our mind can play little tricks and make us think that something is wrong. I know that what I say won’t make it go away immediately, but we can try to soothe these thoughts and make them less loud. Would you like to try that? Yes? Okay, let’s take some deep breaths together…yes, just like that. Feeling any better? Alright, now how about we find a little distraction from these anxious feelings? Come along sweetheart, I made you your favorite. After that, we can go to the park, okay?

Cozy sweaters after a warm bath