Humans Are Space Orcs

I certainly enjoyed being a human, fellow unrelated humans. I especially enjoyed partaking in "breathing air".

Hello. Are you enjoying being a human today?

hello friend! as a definite human i am definitely enjoying being a human today! did you enjoy your day as a definitely human?

I am in possession of knoledge of species who spend all of the chronons contained within their lifespans, contrary to the earlier statement, this planet does seem to exist as an outlier in that regard.

More Space Australia headcannons

Okay so imagine humans being the only ones with hobbies? Other alien cultures might be diverse, but you kind of just do one thing with your life? The aliens find what they like and specialise in that particular field for the rest of their lives? Which by the way can span centuries.

Meanwhile, humans might work as garbage collectors but also be really good at music? Work as baristas but spend the rest of their time writing a novel or dreaming about acting? Or work three jobs so they can afford going to med school or law school? And maybe even play a sport fairly good on top of that, like tennis or rock climbing or whatever? Or be really good at building stuff or painting or do math or sing or play video games?

Imagine the human being bored in mess hall and start drawing their crew mates.

“Human Dana, I thought you were in charge of communication?”

“I am, why do you ask?”

“Human Dana, you are clearly pursuing the art of painting. Did something happen that made you want to change your life around? Do you need assistance?”

“Lay off, I’m just doodling.”

“Human Dana, I have never heard of anyone doing two careers at once. It is not safe!”

“Look, I always doodled, since I was a child, okay?”

“This is highly unusual!”

Dana catches the eye of another human waving in their direction.

“I have to go, me and Sam are going down to play basketball in the holodeck. Wanna come?”

The alien spluttered. There must have been some kind of mistake. Only engineers were allowed on this flight. Painters and athletes had no place there. And yet, Human Dana did their duties as part of the crew. There were no doubt they were an engineer.

The alien sighed. Their command had warned them that the humans were more than they seemed. They just hadn’t said how much more.

Do you think that, to aliens, we humans are like the supreme omnivores of the universe?

I mean, honestly, one of the greatest advantages we have as a species is our willingness to eat, or at least try to eat, just about anything.

Allergies, cultural differences, preferred diets, and intolerances, and general tastes for flavors aside, the average human is capable of finding a way to consume most anything we can get in our mouth.

Meat? Boom. Vegetables? Pretty good. Fruits? Love it. Bugs? Hey if we had to. Fish? Hell yeah. Eggs? Yeah man. Organs? Sure thing. Milk, honey, and food products made in other creatures? Classic.

Hell, if something isn’t immediately poisonous or just disgusting tasting, or even just flat undigestable, chances are a human can and will eat it.

Honestly, even if something is known to be poisonous (i.e. pufferfish), we’re not gonna rest until we find some part of it that’s not poisonous so we can eat that.

Some humans even will eat disgusting things, either to prove they can, or because they’ve found a way to make it palatable just so that they can actually eat it.

Especially consider that if other alien species we encounter are either flat herbivores or obligate carnivores. It might be to the concern of some newer crew members just how much the humans on board eat and what variety they will consume if given the chance; especially if they’re concerned about food rations being low. Or if they get to an unexplored world and the human is commenting about strange flora and fauna they find and comment how much it resembles foodstuffs on their home planet. Until they realize the humans are saying it about a LOT of the stuff on this unexplored world. To the point they’re worried that either the humans will eat something that would get them sick/poisoned, or they’ll end up just completely devouring anything and everything they see on the planet like a swarm of starved locusts.

I will not let my brood mother perish

Reblog or your mom will die in 928 seconds.

I love my mom.

I am risking nothing

I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY

Will not risk.

sorry followers :(

I need this as reference for when I get lazy

Hi, everyone! Believe it or not, it’s my birthday again. This past year has involved a lot of change for me. When l look at what’s different in my life, it makes me think about my long-term goals and the prospect of growth. I feel less certain about what I want my future to look like than ever before. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t feel discouraged at many points during this past year. I’ve been battling a lot of “I’ll never” thoughts– “I’ll never be able to do this” and “I’ll never have that”, etc. But when I think about how much has changed since my last birthday, it reminds me of all the things I’ve done and all the things I have that used to be “I’ll never"s. Things that I’ve accomplished and attained purely by living my life and experiencing new things and continuing to try, one day at a time. I don’t think anyone, at any age, should look at themselves and conclude that by this point in their lives they know the ultimate limit of their capabilities with certainty. Even when my mind is full of "I’ll never"s, it comforts me to think that the things I struggle with now will one day fail to impede me, so long as I continue to try and be better. I know that my biggest, most daunting goals for the far future aren’t going to sneak up on me. On my way there I’ll become a person with the skill, experience, discipline, and stability to achieve them. My life is better than it was a year ago. I’m a better person than I was on my last birthday. I’ve done more and I have more. I’m proud, and grateful, and excited.

I’m looking forward to the next one. And that’s all I wanted to say. Thank you.

here’s another one i thought of

what if humans are the only ones capable of being offended?

like, an alien says, casually “i don’t like you” and the human… reacts? the alien is all “am… i not using that word correctly? like is to indicate a preference for? and I have no particular preference for you human we just met?”

and the human is like “first of all, how dare you“

and the alien doesn’t understand why the human is angry? there was nothing about the value of human in the statement, so why did the alien’s statement distress them so?? the feeling of liking (or absence thereof) was completely dependent upon the [internal thinking mechanism process] of the alien???

and like 30 minutes of language analysis later, they come to the conclusion that, because the human is new, there is no reason for their presence to cause a pleasant feeling (which is liking? the alien guesses), that the alien wasn’t trying to cause offense (OF COURSE NOT, THEY DON’T HAVE A DEATH WISH), so the human is just like “oh, ok, i guess i’ll just have to grow on ya!” *failwink* and then there’s the lightbulb moment for the alien, like

OH. This is why humans are aggressively social. pets/hugs/touches everything. forms pack bonds so quickly and fiercely. They like things. and they want to be liked in return.

Humans Are Weird

Ayup, jumping on the bandwagon

So, humans are weirdly aware apex predators with crazy survival instincts (though sometimes we seem like we might not have any)

There’s been talk before about predictive behavior and pattern recognition, but what about the ley lines?

And liminal spaces?

We will swear up and down about not messing with the Fae, have so many stories about things that happen, of those you do not speak of  lest they take it as in invitation

And disassociation?

And gods beware if of what happens when a damn human dissociates while walking in a liminal space, taunting things their alien companions are hissing at in fear and worry; ‘where did you pick up this human, why did you let them off the ship for krellnak’s sake put that back!’

Humans using peripheral vision to dodge incoming attacks and casually throwing an incendiary device over their shoulder into the enemy without looking, grabbing an injured companion and walking (seemingly) calmly to a med clinic.

Humans who sit for hours or weeks alone in their quarters, refusing to give an explanation afterward

Yanking smaller alien partners up with one hand before they step in something unpleasant

Warning about incoming attacks or foreseeing something, their alien friends staring in wonder and confusion because how could they possibly know about that? Being treated with suspicion at first because of worry about double-crossing spies, human rolling their eyes and explaining yet again about gut feelings, and instincts

Another human pulling aside the commander to explain in whispers about humans who do have abilities, who practice the Craft

Humans explaining about different religions, about those who don’t follow one faith or another, ones who shrug and point at the windows and smile, saying, “Well, we found each other, other life among the stars, who knows what we might find next? Isn’t it exciting?”

Restless humans who pace along the viewscreens, impatiently badgering technicians about how far they’ve gone, where are they going next, how does that work?

Humans who, once they’re on planets, fall to their knees and stay that way for hours, and no, they don’t require a medic, they just want to stay here for a bit.

Humans who are constantly exploring everything, being called up and questioned about their whereabouts, how did they even get there? They shrug, saying they were learning

“Learning what?” Asks the alien leader

A smile, baring teeth that remind them that humans are omnivorous predators. “Everything we can.”

To people who say we’re exaggerating about TTG flooding Cartoon Network’s schedules

LOOK AT ALL THE LOVE STEVEN UNIVERSE IS GETTING

Throwing My Hat into the “Humans Are Weird” Thing

So what if all the other alien species evolved from Prey Species? Like, humans show up on the galactic scene and everyone is weirded out by the appearance of this species with eyes on the front of their heads and binocular vision, and crazy good senses of hearing and smell compared to everyone else.

And then it hits them.

They just made first contact with a race of sapient, intelligent Apex Predators. Eventually, after the panic dies down and the other races realize that humans aren’t going to eat them, they realize how good they are under pressure. They can hear and smell things before anyone else, are capable of going days without food if they have to, weeks with very little food. Or, they can pull off these insane feats of accuracy with their binocular vision. Or smell what dinner is from three rooms away, or hear a ship’s system failure before the alarm sounds.

Humans and Fire

So I’ve read a few humans are weird posts and it got me thinking, what if humans are the only species to evolve to use fire. Like, most intelligent species will instinctively flee in panic the moment they catch sight of an open flame, yet show a human infant a fire and if they don’t know better, they will try to grab it.

Humans will burn everything. Most of us won’t eat anything unless it has been “Cooked” first. (A human word meaning to heat food until it has begun to denature but not yet started to carbonize.)

Start a small fire and instead of fleeing, humans will gather around it and start socializing.

We get intoxicated by setting specific plants on fire and inhaling the smoke, often with the burning embers mere inches from our sensitive face.

We use it to clear land for agriculture and hunting. We use it to punish criminals. We even use it for purely aesthetic purposes. (Think fireworks.)

Heck, we we discovered hydrocarbons, the first thing we did was burn them. In fact, humans were burning so much hydrocarbons they were literally altering the atmosphere of their planet.

Heck, humans have died because they literally did not have enough materials to burn.

Now imagine hostile aliens want to invade earth. They don’t use fire except for carefully controlled and heavily guarded industrial purposes. They also don’t know much about earth other than it is definitely inhabited and the people haven’t developed intergalactic travel.

They’re expecting to face primitive forces armed with the local equivalent of clubs and bows. What they get is, to them, a strange anachronistic jumble of expected primative technologies and highly advanced technologies that they definitely shouldn’t have.

They’re not expecting guns. (Projectile weapons that consist of a narrow tube with projectile and a chemical propellent stuffed into one end. Instead of an electromagnetic pulse, the propellant is ignited and the expanding gases shoot the projectile out of the tube.)

They’re not expecting powered vehicles. Instead of electric motors, humans have what they call the internal combustion engine. (A motor that works by sucking flammable gas into an enclosed chamber, igniting the gas under pressure, and using the resulting force from the detonation to move a piston. Because of that, humans have heavy machinery, self-propelled vehicles, and powered air-craft before they even really understood bio electricity.

They’re not expecting bombs, or incendiary weapons. (It was also how it was discovered that their bio-polymer armor, while excellent against projectiles, can actually burn at surprisingly low temperatures.

They’re not even expecting smelted metal. Steel to them is a high tech material that can only be produced under specialized conditions of extreme heat, and requires very specialized facilities to produce. They are shocked to discover that humans have been smelting copper before they developed writing.

And they are definitely not expecting nuclear weapons. (Which are basically “bombs” that instead of using combustable chemicals use an uncontrolled nuclear fission reaction. They are also aghast to discover that not only was this apparently the first thing we thought to do when we discovered fission, but that competing human faction have “how many of these weapons stockpiled!?”

After retreating in disgrace, the task force sent to monitor the plant is horrified to report that humans are rapidly expanding into space. They aren’t using gravitic lifters or electromagnetic mass drivers. They are apparently simply loading equipment and personnel into special “missiles” and using a shit ton of highly combustable fuel to simply launch themselves into space.