Do You Think That, To Aliens, We Humans Are Like The Supreme Omnivores Of The Universe?

Humans are crazy

So I was hanging with friends today and it dawned on me…that human beings are insane. What we do for “fun” is insane.

We jump out of planes, jump off cliffs, climb sheer cliff walls hundreds of thousands of feet up. We have games for CHILDREN that involve pressing a button and getting shocked with electricity, and one of the most popular sports, in america at least, is full of humans bashing against each other and causes brain damage. Or humans trying to hang on to dear life on a bucking angry bull, and risk getting gored. Or just pummeling each other bloody in a ring. And we love it.

I mean, Just today, my friends and I used an electric charge machine (for flexing muscles and helping blood flow I think?) And spent an hour shocking each other and seeing how long we could last on the highest charge despite pain and spasms.

Then there are carnivals (which we also visited). Look around a carnival and nearly every ride is meant to be “fun” but also cause discomfort. Heights, spinning, sudden drops, high speeds, often combinations of all of these. They’re like giant colorful torture machines, and we LOVE them. We have whole parks dedicated to bigger, more complicated versions of carnival rides and roller coasters.

We actively seek out things that cause us discomfort…for FUN. Life risking or painful things for FUN.

Can you imagine what aliens would think about that? Imagine a poor aliens reaction upon coming to earth to research human passtimes and just being confronted with all these crazy hunans doing crazy, uncomfortable, sometimes painful things….for fun. Like,“Oh my gosh they torture themselves for fun why why why? How do we fight something that gets a kick out of hurting itself??” Imagine taking an alien visitor to a carnival or amusement park and them just being horrified.

Alien- What in the stars… Why have you taken me to a torture camp?? I thought we were friends! Human- what do you mean? It’s a carnival! It’s fun! Alien- but there are instruments of torture and interrogation everywhere! And…did you decorate them in colorful, pleasing lights?? What sick joke is this?!?

Or inversly, can you imagine a more serious situation wherein a human is captured and taken to be interrogated and are just…terrified. imagining what this warlike alien species has uo their sleeves, how they would torture them for information they sought. The master interrogator is this scarred, gruff alien who’s made it his life work to torture and rip that information away.

And then the human is taken into the torture room and just stops and stares at the whirl a twirl ride in the middle of the room. And they see this carnival ride and the interrogator and everyone else seem wary or scared of it, but the human just gets excited. And the whole time it’s running, the aliens are just flabbergasted because the human who’s being tortured is just laughing and grinning and even after puking is still yelling “again, again!”

No other race tortures themselves for fun. Human beings are just the craziest things.

I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife.

They were expecting military resistance. They weren’t counting on bears.

More Humans Are Weird

Okay, but this: we’ve established that humans have an odd perception of injuries. But what about how many are afraid of doctors? 

Alien: Human Alana, that is a lot of blood. Are you okay?

Human, with cut foot: It’s just a cut. Hardly feel anything. *looks closer* Oh, cool. Hey, is that my tendon?

Alien: By my knowledge, if you are able to see the bones or tendons, you need stitches. Should we not get you to the medical bay immediately?

Human *uncomfortable*: Or… what would happen if I just, you know… didn’t? I mean, I’m fine with a bigger scar. Scars are cool.

Alien: But does your species not get infected wounds??

Human: We do… but I really don’t want to get stitches.

Alien: Human Alana, I believe I must insist! It is for your well-being!

Human: *starts to panic*

Alien: *Freaks the fuck out because they don’t know what to do*

I have only once contained this much terror and confusion at a time,.and that encounter involved a Quag'snartian Fleshchanger.

how would aliens react to tattoos? like, some humans undergo large amounts of pain to have an image permanetly inked on their skin and sometimes the reason is no more than "eh, it looks cool"

“Human Tyler, you seem to have acquired pigmented particles under your skin.” Rytrinq began, trying to gain their attention at the same time as xe remained polite and considerate. “Do you wish time to cleanse yourself?” Xe asked, quite pleased with xemself for remembering the appropriate question.

“Fuck off, don’t be rude.” Human Tyler repeated, looking enraged for some reason. Granted, Rytrinq didn’t have the longest experience deciphering human mannerisms, but the wording didn’t leave much room for ambiguity. “This took a loot of time, and I’ll have you know I’m really happy with how it turned out.” They added, baffling Rytrinq further.

“You got dirt under your skin on purpose?” Xe asked, getting more confused each time Tyler spoke. Fortunately, it seemed they realised xe genuinely didn’t understand. Or at least they were willing to indulge him. 

“It’s not dirt. It’s ink, and yes. It’s called a tattoo. It’s art.” They said, clearly still angry, though they did look slightly less terrifying, which xe decided to count as progress. Xe had heard that human art came in many forms, but xe had never heard of one involving the human body itself.

“Human Tyler, that is immensely intriguing. How is it made?” Xe asked, relieved when they seemed to realise it was a case of cultural confusion rather than xem being purposefully rude.

“Well, you go to a tattoo artist, and they make the design and then make a sort of template, I guess you could call it. Anyway, they put that on the place you want the tattoo, and it transfers a bit of ink so the artist’s got something to guide them. And then they have this machine, which is basically a bunch of needles that pierce the skin with ink. Which the artist use to sort of draw on the skin, leaving cool art like this.” Human Tyler said, adding a pointed look for the last part while showing off the art. Rytrinq was however too worried - and quite frankly terrified - to think too much about it.

“It pierces your skin and drags the ink machine through your skin? Is that not painful?” Xe asked

“What? No, no it goes up and down into the skin. If you drag it without the needles getting up you’ll end up with big scars. It does kind of hurt, but it’s not that bad.” They answered, clearly believing that to sound better. As if getting stabbed multiple times was no big deal.

“What purpose does it serve? Is it a hierarchical or sociological requirement?”

“No, some people don’t even like them. Think they look unprofessional or whatever bullshit like that. But it doesn’t really have a purpose.” Human Tyler answered with a brief elevation of their shoulder area.

“Then why do you put yourself through the pain?” Xe wondered. They had to have some reason after all, right?

“Eh, it looks cool. I mean, I just really like daffodils, always have. They’re cool.” They said, once again reminding Rytrinq that xe would never fully understand humans.

Gravity

Something I haven’t seen yet with the “humans are weird/space orcs” thing is differences in gravity

Like imagine humans going to planets or moons and having to have an alien escort to hold them down. Humans stuck to their alien friends with those little backpacks with leashes that parents put on their kids or pets!!

Or humans going to a planet with such high gravity that the aliens feel like they’re being crushed to death and ppl are just “ah yes, the comfortable pressure of home world”

Only Human

Again with the Humans being Space Orcs, but when we mess up, someone is bound to say “you’re only human. You can’t be perfect.” I’m sure everyone has been told this at least once on their life and has said it at least once as well.

So what if an alien were to mess up. Like they miss calculated something. The human, trying to comfort them, says “well you can’t be perfect, you’re only human” just out of habit. How would that look to an alien, how would that translate?

“Human, I am in fact (insert alien species here). I am not human.”

Human realizing their mistake. “Oh um…sorry it’s just a saying.”

“Are you implying that making mistakes is prone to humans?”

“No that’s not-well I mean when people…”

“Does this mean I have to be perfect because I’m not human?” Alien starts freaking out while the human sweats.

I can see them trying to generalize and make a galactic version of this saying but it ends poorly. “You’re only a carbonated life form”

“Excuse you, my primary elemental make up is (insert thing here)”

“Oh boy here we got again.” Haha.

What he fuck even is this website

rͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬaͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣtͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭ  rͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬaͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣtͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭ rͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬaͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣtͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭ rͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬaͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣtͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭ rͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬͬaͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣͣtͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭͭ

where is the rat? bring him to me. 

“Humans are weird” idea

It seems to always be the case that aliens have names that are “unpronounceable by the human tongue.”  But, y’know, humans are actually really good mimics.  We can do impressions of anything, and some of us are really good at it.  What if that was a special skill of ours that was constantly surprising the aliens?

Alien talks about human like s/he’s not there, only to be shocked when its own language comes out of that strange little mouth.

Alien can’t figure out WHAT that noise onboard is, only to find human crewmate pranking it.  (“As soon as he leaves, I’m gonna do the sound of a failing hover engine, okay?  Just see where he looks first!”)

Alien hears a different noise and a thud, then “Sorry, I tripped.”  (”But you squeaked.”  “Yeah, didn’t mean to.  Sounded kinda dumb.”)

Alien is alarmed to hear the sound of two Dangerous Animals coming from the containment room.  Thinks the one has multiplied.  Runs in, find human yowling back at it.  (“It seemed lonely, so I was talking to it.  Reminds me of a cat I had once.”)

The away team is threatened by a Large Animal protecting its young.  Alien Captain knows what to do.  Shoves the human up front and points.  “Make the noises that the little ones are making.  This is your time to shine.”

Go for the Head

so, I was thinking about how human bodies can survive a great deal of damage, right? 

probably all the guides on humans say things like “if you really need to kill one, go for the head. that’s the surest way to kill a human.” 

but do you realize that even that might just not be enough?

please, allow me to introduce Mr. Phineas Gage. 

Mr. Gage was a foreman working in the construction of railroads. He is most famous because he survived an hideous accident where a 3.2 cm thick, 1 meter long iron rod was driven into his brain by an explosion. 

Let me repeat: an iron pole rocketing through the organ that controls the whole body was not enough to kill him. 

Just in case you need another picture to get the idea of just how serious was the injury. 

of course such a severe injury could not leave him unscarred: his personality changed completely, and he had moments of delirium. 

but he survived. not only that, but he went on having a relatively normal life. his speech, movement and intelligence WERE NOT IMPAIRED BY THE INJURY. 

aliens have all the more reason to be scared shitless of us. 

Can we talk about the concept of humans adopting other sentient aliens as equal members of their families?

Like, in the posts I’ve seen so far, there’s mostly talks of humans adopting dangerous alien critters as pets but what about humans adopting sentient aliens?

“Human-George, just leave that be, they’re just a runt.” - “… No.” - “Human-George, you can’t - put them down! What are you doing?” - “Krlunk, I’m not leaving a child behind on this forsaken moon to die.” - “But they’re just a runt, not worth raising. The broodbirther and the feeders must have left it behind when they migrated 5 sols ago.” - “Are they going to come back?” - “No, Human-George, Twargs migrate for long periods of time, and we can’t spare the time to go after them.” - “Then I’ll take them with me.” “- “What?” - “I’ll take this little champion here with me and I will raise them as my own.” - “You- you can’t just do that! You can’t just spill your pack-bonding instincts- Human George!!! Get back here!” - “Don’t listen to Krlunk, kid, I won’t leave you here alone. Doesn’t matter how many appendages you have. You hungry? Thought so, let’s go get you some grub.” - (in the distance) “Human-George! The extra rations are coming out of your pay!!!” - “See if I care, Krlunk. Go eat paperwork or so.”

Imagine human patchwork families with little aliens raised and loved alonside their own, imagine some human trying to explain to crewmates how they have a Twarg sibling and a Sh’ilean sister even though their parents look very much human, imagine humans parents trying their very best to provide their alien child with the best possible care.

Also imagine it the other way around. Humans getting adopted by aliens and bonding with them just as much as they would with their own kind, either through deeds or just love. Humans building their own families in a wild mix of colours and number of appendages or eyes.

“So this is my human side of the family, see, these are my human parents.” - “Is that your larval form in their arms, Hooman-Cassandra?” - “Sort of, yeah, and this is my Gran’hroo mother and all of her children.” - “How can you have a Gran’hoo relative? I thought your kind could only come from a bonded pair of hoomans?” - “Oh, I used to live on the same mining colony as her when I was a child and I’d play with her children, spent most of my days in their house and one day I called her ‘Acraï’ - ‘mother’ in Gran’hoo language - by accident. It kind of stuck. She took me in when my parents temporarily left for another space station and I wanted to finish my education where I’d started it. When I left for my first space journey, she gave a clan insignia and called me her daughter so yeah… this is my Mom, my Dad, and my Acraï and they’re all my parents.”