Humans Are Weird

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT YOU COULDENT GET ANY WEIRDER!!!???

Morning Poison

Xylo had just finished making a fresh batch of poison to fill the Alpha Squadron’s blow darts before they left to explore the hostile planet of Dran’dal. Made from a plant the humans had introduced them to, the substance was highly lethal if shot into one’s bloodstream, or ingested. Xylo was about to pour the substance into darts when the ship’s resident human wandered in. She had obviously been looking for something, and her eyes lit up when she saw the steaming liquid in the beaker in Xylo’s hand. “Yo, Xy. Can I have some of that?”

Xylo went still and turned toward the human quizzically, but handed her the beaker. “Of course?” It came out sounding like more of a question than a statement, but the human had bonded with everyone on board the ship, so there was no risk of her doing something with lethal consequen- Xylo’s thoughts were cut off by alarm as the human raised the beaker to her lips and downed the contents. They scrambled for the comm at their hip, desperate to call a medic, but they knew it was already too late. Still, somehow the human rushed towards them.

“Xylo, what’s wrong?” Her forehead creased in concern, but not for herself, Xylo realized. She was concerned for them.

They tried to keep their voice from shaking as they answered, “You just drank an entire batch of poison. How are you not dead?”

A flash of confusion flashed across the human’s face, before she started laughing. Xylo stared. They had long gotten used to the human habit of using signs of aggression as an indication they were happy or found something humorous, but there was nothing humorous about ingesting poison.

“I’m sorry for scaring you,” the human managed to say after they had calmed down. “But that’s not poison, not to humans anyway. We call that coffee. A lot of us drink it every morning because the caffeine helps us stay awake.”

Xylo’s blank stare slowly changed to shocked horror. “It’s the caffeine that’s poisonous…”

Humans are Space Orcs

Yet another addition…Teething. Babies, specifically.

“Human Veronica, your offspring is attempting to eat his toys.”

“Hm, oh, nah. He’s fine. He’s just teething. It’s normal.”

“Tee-thing? I do not understand.”

“Oh, well,” show baby’s mouth, “we aren’t born with teeth. They grow in when we’re babies. Babies like to chew on things when they teeth.”

“To sharpen them?”

“Uh, no. Not exactly. It’s just…something they do? The teeth have to cut through the mouth tissue after all.”

“Your bodies cut through themselves?” Horrified alien.

“Pfft, you think that’s bad? Our skulls aren’t fully formed when we’re babies. They fuse together .”

So a lot of ‘Humans are weird/space orcs’ posts always say that humans are 'apex predators’, but really we’re not.

We’re a 2.2 on the food chain (highest is 5). To put that into perspective about a pig or an anchovy. Yeah.

So imagine aliens thinking that well obviously humans must be the apex predators of Earth, after all they’re so advanced, use pursuit as a form of attack and have high pain tolerance etc etc.

But they find out that we aren’t. We literally just said “fuck you food chain” and rose above our standing. Imagine how aliens would react to that.

This does not seem right. Why would your species treat people who live in an area worse than those who are sometimes there?

The housing epidemic in Hawai’i has reached an all time fucking low.

Let me tell you a little story.

My landlord informed me that he’s in trouble with the building permitting office, and because I have a perfect rental history he wants to relocate me (with my husband and two kids) to another property. I’m like okay fine, I’ll go look at it.

But then I get there … and it’s literally a concrete slab with walls and cheap windows.

This piece of shit had:

No front door

No floor (just raw concrete)

No walls or insulation

No kitchen

No bathroom, shower, or toilet

No septic tank

No electricity

No water or catchment

They want $825 a month

I asked when they were going to finish the cabin. They said it was already done, and we would have to pay for everything else out of pocket.

Is this illegal? Probably. But in my area, there are over 800 displaced residents who are looking for rentals due to the Kīlauea volcano. Someone will probably be desperate enough to take this offer, but not me.

This is the type of housing conditions natives and Hawai’i locals are dealing with so foreigners can have their Air BnBs, vacation rentals, and retirement cabins. So rich politicians can have a second or third home somewhere tropical.

Willow and Tara from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"

CANON GAY COUPLES

(please reblog and add more!)

Rachel and Luce from Imagine Me And You

Waverley and Haught from Wynonna Earp

Magnus and Alec from Shadowhunters

Billy and Teddy from Young Avengers, Marvel

Ruby and Sapphire from Steven Universe

Mitch and Cameron from Modern Family

Holt and Kevin from Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Isak and Even from Skam

Emily and Naomi from Skins UK

Alex and Maggie from Supergirl

Stef and Lena from The Fosters

Gravity

Something I haven’t seen yet with the “humans are weird/space orcs” thing is differences in gravity

Like imagine humans going to planets or moons and having to have an alien escort to hold them down. Humans stuck to their alien friends with those little backpacks with leashes that parents put on their kids or pets!!

Or humans going to a planet with such high gravity that the aliens feel like they’re being crushed to death and ppl are just “ah yes, the comfortable pressure of home world”

Humans and Terraforming

If there is one thing that can be said, humans are very good at changing their environment. Now regardless of your views on climate change or greenhouse gases, it cannot be denied that humans have left a big and very literally mark on our planet.

We’ve been doing it ever since our primeval ancestors figured out that fire can be used to clear forest, and that the grasslands created by such burning attracts grazing animals and gives us a clear line of sight for our throwing spears and nets. We have been doing it ever since the ancient humans figured out they could damn creeks to make ponds that lured in waterfowl. That if you repeatedly burned a clearing, the berry bushes would keep coming back ever year. That if you created stone walls along the low tide line, you could create sandy terraces that are perfect for clams. We managed our resources, only fishing at certain times, only hunting certain types of animals, or only cutting certain types of trees.

Then we invented agriculture and we wrought even more changes on the planet. We cleared forests to make room for our fields, pastures and cities. We terraced entire hillsides to allow us to grow crops. We drained swamps and cut the landscape with irrigation canals to provide our crops with water. Often we changed the very course of rivers and altered the soil we relied on, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. Forests disappeared as our cities and emerging states needed timber for construction, ship-building, and fuel to make pottery, smelt metals, cook our food, and keep us warm.

But we didn’t just change the landscape, we also changed the plants we grew so that they suited our needs. We changed the animals we relied on. We turned wolves into dogs, auroch into cows, ibex into goats, jungle fowl into chickens, and wild boars into pigs. We called this process domestication, and soon quickly forgot that we had ever been without these domesticates.

We made artificial hills for our rituals, built mountains out of cut stone to mark the tombs of revered rulers, carved symbols into the landscape. Sliced into mountains to carve roads, mine metal ores, and quarry stone. We made monuments so astounding that people thousands of years later thought they must have been made by the gods, and buildings of the modern age that dwarf them.

We’ve also traveled. We’ve crossed all our oceans, bringing with us the animals and plants of our homelands, and returning home with the animals and plants of other lands. Some is intentional. New crops that offer new advantages. Animals from far away to awe visitors or remind us of home. Some is unintentional. Plant seeds lodged in the tread of our boots. Insect larva in the bilge of our ships. Rats that scurry and stay out of sight, and hitch a ride on our sailing ships and outrigger canoes. Some we regret bringing, intentionally or not, others have settled in and carved their own place in their new home.

And now we look to the stars and wonder if we could do the same to other planets. To bring our life and our world to the stars. To turn a red planet green and blue.

And what if we succeeded? What if a red planet turned green, and flushed with our success, we turned to other balls of rock orbiting distant stars.

And what if we encountered other life. Life that was like us, but also very different. What if they had never seen life like ours before, that spread to the stars turning red, grey, and brown planets blue and green.

What if some are fearful. What if they seen our domesticated animals, our sculpted landscapes, and our diverse nations and fear that we will assimilate and change them and their world like we did to our ancient animal enemies and our distant home planet.

But what is some our awed, and look at us and see a species that can not only adapt itself to new and challenges and environments, but that also changes the challenge and environment itself. Often changing and adapting to the changes they themselves wrought. For better and worse, humanity sailed the stars on the crest of a wave of change that they themselves have been creating since their distant ancestors set fire to the underbrush and realized they could use this.

K so some of my favorite posts here are the “humans are weirder than aliens” ones, and I just thought of something tremendous

Background Music

Aliens have managed to advance because they hyper focus on everything they do, but are completely baffled by our ability to multitask. They are stunned that we listen to music when working, cause they would hyper focus on the music and nothing else. Or humans work on stuff while having on conversation and still know what the conversation is about even while half listening.

Imagine aliens not understanding the concept of short attention spans

Filthy Habit

To add my voice to the humans are space orcs headcanon…

Nail-biting.

Considered a “filthy habit” by humans, it *horrifies* aliens who are all like OH MY GOD the human is EATING ITSELF ALIVE OMG OMG RUUUUUUN BEFORE IT EATS US NEXT!!!!

And when the crewmembers report this no one believes it at first but after a while the ship captain and CMO fearfully approach their human crewmember and catch her in the act.

CMO: Human Theresa… are the rations you are allocated insufficient for your needs?

Theresa: Um… no? I mean yes. I mean er… I eat enough yeah. Why? *chews cuticles absentmindedly*

CMO: *cringes in horror*

Captain: THEN WHY ARE YOU EATING YOURSELF!??!

Theresa: *blushes and takes hands out of mouth* I know, I know, it’s a filthy habit. I can’t stop though, I never even notice I’m doing it till someone points it out.

Captain: *horrified* You… you don’t NOTICE that you are self-cannibalizing. O.O

CMO: We have to put you on suicide watch. This attempt at self-destruction must be halted. Don’t worry, Human Theresa. We will help you. Thank the stars we caught this problem before you gnawed off a limb!

Theresa: Umm… O.o *absentmindedly chewing on pinky nail*

I can assure you that I do not have a magnetic crystal in my brain. I also have yet to hear this "music".

What if there was an alien species who didn’t ‘get’ music? They have no sense of rhythm or anything like that, so from their perspective humans occasionally just randomly change the pitch of their voices while talking about random things. They find it insane that there’s a whole human industry devoted to making instruments and other humans fluctuate the pitch and speed of their voices into a recording device.

Eventually the humans explain music to them and they learn to just put up with it as another 'crazy human thing’.

Now imagine a ship where half the crew is human and half is this other species. There’s a bit of a friendly rivalry between the two species and they often play pranks on each other. So one week the humans hide magnets all around the ship, knowing that this messes with the magnetic crystals in the aliens’ brains that help them find their way around. The humans have great fun watching their crew mates keep bumping into things and the aliens swear revenge.

The next week some music is played over the ship’s intercom. But it’s not just any music. Every song that the aliens have ever heard referred to as “annoying” or “catchy” is played over and over. To the aliens it’s just white noise, to the humans it’s torture. It gets worse, however. For days after the incident, the aliens dilate their breathing flaps in amusement whenever they hear humans complain about “that stupid song!” They’d heard about the human concept of 'songs getting stuck in heads’ but didn’t think it would work so well…