Well The Feeling Of Being Transgender Isn't, But Identifying Is.

But seriously tho, on the topic of temperatures we can survive and stuff, aliens would flip the heck out if they lived where i do.

I live in a part of southern Canada that gets so cold that being outside for more than 2 minutes means you have a good chance of getting frost bite.

My room has two outside walls, and is very well insulated. In the winter i get frost on the inside of my walls and i couldnt give two shits. I sleep with the exact same blankets i do in the summer.

Like you see all these things about Australia, or rainforests, or Florida, and how extreme they are.

But id like to see aliens take on a candian hosehead. They’re like red necks, but with more crazy stunts, more beer, and more guns. Like can you imagine???

Alien: ah yes a nice cool region this will do nicely for the invasian

Human: *careens off building on a ski doo towing another man on a toboggan, hollering about how he left his beer at the lodge*

Alien: well perhaps the local species are a bit strange, but mostly harmless! After all, this species of humans “can-ayy-dee-ins” are known throughout this planet as kind and docile, we shall have no difficu-SMACK- HOLY GILSNIP YOU HIT ME WITH A PEICE OF ICE YOU PRIES FROM THE LAKE AND NOW IM BLEEDING HOW DARE YOU FEEL MY WRATH

Humans: WEEEE HEEEHEHEEEEE you came to the wrong neighbour hood, bud!

Alien:…. my scans say you are heavily intoxicated. This shall be a easy fight

Human: *whistles loudly and gives a big toothy smile*

Alien: starts screaming as another human on a sled heads a MASSIVE HEARD OF WHAT THE HELL IS THAT BEAST ITS FURY AND IT HAS BEEN HORNS GREAT GILSNAP GET ME OUT OF HERE

Humans: high fiving as they climb on their sleds and chase after their herd of buffalo because that will take a while but it was ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT DID YOU SEE THAT ALIENS FACE GET REKT

Humans... purposefully poison the poison in their bodies. Oh.

Human Health-Ask Kloev

Humans are a strange combination of hardy and fragile. While their bones can be more easily broken than those of other species, and their muscles tear so easily that their own brains trick them into thinking they are weaker than they are, they can heal from nearly any wound, given proper care. In fact, human’s bodies are so good at regenerating themselves that they have developed a variety of disease, called cancer, which results from an incorrectly formed cell replicating too quickly for their body to destroy it. They have the potential to regenerate themselves to death, truly astonishing.

Dear Kloev,

In a recent battle, one of our human soldiers was stabbed in the torso. Believing her to be dying, I went to her side to offer what comfort I could and ask about her culture’s death rituals, that we could properly care for her remains. Instead of answering my questions, she insisted that she would not die and told me to press on her wound to stop the bleeding. I obeyed, not wishing to distress her further. A few minutes later our human medic arrived and took over.

When we returned to the ship, the human doctor spent much of a cycle in the medical room with her. I was concerned that humans do not deal well with the death of their comrades, I had heard that they can be very stubborn and vindictive when they lose a crew member, but there was no wailing and no other humans went in. When the doctor exited the medical room, he said that she needs to heal but will recover in a few weeks. “But she was stabbed in the abdomen!” I exclaimed. The doctor gave me a funny look and explained that he had to repair several of her internal organs and give her several units of blood, but with the medic so close she was in little danger, considering.

Now she is already walking around and doing work, although she is not allowed to work a full cycle because she becomes tired easily. That wound would have killed any other species, and they took extra blood from another human and put it into her body. I am told this is something that is done regularly when a human loses blood. These humans are truly terrifying!

——————

Humans have become famous for their ability to survive injuries and illnesses that would kill other species, but every time I see one of these stories I am again astonished. Humans routinely survive after losing one, two, even all four limbs! Humans can live without some of their internal organs, and even those they cannot live without they can often live with only part of, or only one of if they are organs which come in pairs. In fact, this is such a possibility that should one human lose both of a paired organ, such as their lungs or kidneys, another human may donate one of their pair of the same organ in order to allow the first human to live. Not only does this work well enough that both humans live with few complications, this is done multiple times per day on most human planets!

Thousands of illnesses exist for humans, and very few, perhaps a dozen, are considered unable to be treated. Most humans expect to catch at least one illness every year, and many of those who do catch an illness will continue to work normally while experiencing symptoms. More serious illnesses will require humans to rest, and some require direct medical attention, but even those humans have often created medicines to treat and nearly eliminate fatality for previously healthy individuals.

Humans approach their health care with the same reckless abandon they exhibit in all aspects of their lives. It is not unusual for human doctors to use substances to treat illnesses without understanding how they work! I have been told that medications for many illnesses have been discovered because the medication was being used to something else and “just happened” to cure this other illness as well. In turn, human doctors then begin to use the medication to treat this new illness even if they don’t know why the medication works or, in some cases, even what causes the illness.

Some human illnesses are very difficult for them to treat, or leave lasting damage to the body, and so humans have found a way to prevent them, which they call vaccines. These vaccines are made up of small amounts of the organism that causes the illness, which has been killed or rendered harmless. The organisms, in the form of the vaccine, are then injected into the healthy human in order to contaminate them with a small amount of the illness so that their immune system can “learn” to fight off the illness. Human scientists say that they have used this process of deliberately exposing individuals to an illness in order to prevent it for hundreds of years and have been able to completely eliminate some deadly illnesses in the population completely.

The recklessness does not end there. The disease I mentioned above, cancer, has a high mortality rate for humans because it is an illness created by their own bodies, making it difficult to target with medications and surgery. However, in their usual daring manner, humans have discovered that particular substances, which poison and destroy their bodies, destroy the cancer cells faster than other cells. Because of this, they will purposely poison themselves in order to treat this illness. If that is not sheer recklessness, I’m orange!

@humansareweird @ansixilus

Only Human

Again with the Humans being Space Orcs, but when we mess up, someone is bound to say “you’re only human. You can’t be perfect.” I’m sure everyone has been told this at least once on their life and has said it at least once as well.

So what if an alien were to mess up. Like they miss calculated something. The human, trying to comfort them, says “well you can’t be perfect, you’re only human” just out of habit. How would that look to an alien, how would that translate?

“Human, I am in fact (insert alien species here). I am not human.”

Human realizing their mistake. “Oh um…sorry it’s just a saying.”

“Are you implying that making mistakes is prone to humans?”

“No that’s not-well I mean when people…”

“Does this mean I have to be perfect because I’m not human?” Alien starts freaking out while the human sweats.

I can see them trying to generalize and make a galactic version of this saying but it ends poorly. “You’re only a carbonated life form”

“Excuse you, my primary elemental make up is (insert thing here)”

“Oh boy here we got again.” Haha.

More Humans are Weird

Because this hash tag is SO FUN and thought-provoking. 

GENDER:  No one can keep up with humans and gender. There are no easy signs to tell who is what, not clothing, not body morphology, not how they paint themselves or their grooming or vestigal hair. The humans themselves argue about how many genders there are. Eventually they quit trying and refer to all humans as ‘they’. Most humans are fine with that, even compliment them on their support (?) and progressive views (??). A few humans are offended, but are shouted down by their other humans. The other beings of the galaxy officially give up. 

SEX:  Some humans want to have sex all the time. Others barely can stand to be touched at all, even casually. Some will have sex with their own gender, which does not produce offspring and is confusing to many. Some will have sex only with certain people, some will have sex with anyone. SOME will have sex with other species, occasionally challenging their own safety and everyone else’s. None of this is considered strange. Anyone saying it is strange is again shouted down and shamed into silence. The other beings of the galaxy officially give up. 

CATS:  Humans adopt small predators as pets and kiss their “widdle faces” and giggle over their clawed toes (???) and fuss and are thrilled when the predators sleep with them (isn’t that UNSAFE? IT IS FULL OF POINTY BITS) and often sport scratches and bite marks inflicted when the animal was ‘playing’.  “When were these ‘cats’ domesticated?” “Oh, we never really domesticated them. We just let them move into the house with us. Aren’t they CUUUUUTE? Come here, baby.” -kissy noises- The other beings of the galaxy again give up. 

RELIGION:  Wars fought. Millions - probably billions, through history - killed. Crew members huffy with each other. Various holidays celebrated, none of which make sense, some of them celebrating events that are physically impossible and could not have happened. All for something that can’t be proved.  The other beings of the galaxy would think this was all an elaborate prank if it wasn’t for the body count. 

GERMS:  Humans get INFECTED and act as if it is a personal affront, and cuss about it. They confine themselves to quarters so they don’t infect the rest of the crew - very kind, in that respect - and otherwise wrap themselves in bedding and bitch about it for three days while doing their work by remote - “It’s fine, just a cold.” followed by horrifying noises they call ‘coughing’ and ‘sneezing’ -  and HOW. HOW DO THEY EVEN.  The other beings of the galaxy, for whom infection is always life-threatening, boggle from a safe distance. With respirators on. 

ALPHA PREDATOR…?  They come from a death planet, these naked apes with no armor, no fangs, no speed. They have the ability to conquer the galaxy, if they only agreed with each other long enough that it was their goal. Instead they poke their noses into other death worlds, ‘exploring’, they call it, adopting horrifying creatures and making friends with other predatory beings, brewing poisonous beverages from whatever they can scrounge, which they then drink for fun. The rest of the galaxy is relieved. If humans had an attention span, they would truly be in trouble. 

No one wants to know what a ‘shark’ is. Humans seem to be afraid of them, and if it frightens the humans, the rest of the galaxy is, to a being, terrified. 

my new years resolution is to own one of these

I had a thought, what if sleeping together and sleeping together had to be explained and this popped out! Thanks to @space-australians for presenting the gif to provide the perfect face for Zorgk!

Aliens, like the Jarthinark, like to think that they are rapidly discovering all of the ‘human’ things to add to their manual, until they are yet again brought back to square one. Whether it’s the great differences between individual humans or their unabashed need to pet large ‘fluffy’ predators, foreign species never truly come full circle on what humans are. And it seems that the language is the hardest thing to learn.  ‘Read’ and ‘Lead’ rhyme and so do ‘Read’ and ‘Lead’; and they don’t all mean the same thing and it’s confusing and downright cruel at times. And it seems that Sol 652 was no different. 

Zorgk just could not understand why humans always disappeared at ‘night’. Between what they call ‘2200′ and ‘0600′,  the humans would just flock to their rooms without explanation. Whatever the cause, Human Judy was needed immediately and it was Zorgk’s duty to retrieve her.

Entering swiftly into her quarters, Zorgk took in the scene before him, Human Judy and Human Rick were laying close together, eyes closed blissfully.  “Human Judy, I apologize! I did not realize…“, the Jarthinark stated startled.

"Hmm?” Judy mumbles groggily, “Z?”

Zorgk shuffles backwards, trying to leave as they repeat their apologies. Humans had told them that when two humans are together in a bed it was called ‘sleeping together’ and when asked to elaborate on sleeping, Human Rob stated it was to procreate. “I did not realize you were procreating” Zorgk said hastily trying to avert their eyes.

A laugh rumbles through Rick who had awoken at the sound of Judy, “Procreating!? We’re sleeping! Zorgk, it’s okay!”

Zorgk looks as confused as they can with giant mandibles and five pitch black eyes. “But Human Rob told us that in Human vernacular, "sleeping” is procreating. Is this what humans do between"  Zorgk pauses, wanting to say it correctly, “2200 and 0600?”

Judy rolls into Rick’s chest trying to block out the second hand embarrassment  while Rick tries his best to explain why Rob is an ass and that humans need to shut down for 8 hours a day to recharge. Poor Zorgk looks like the fell down the hole to Wonderland.

Walking Through a Memory

You know that prank where you move everything in the house two inches to the left and it’s so subtle no one notices but they keep bumping into stuff?

This is a peculiar consequence of kinesthetic awareness trumphing spacial awareness, I think. We don’t need to look at where we are going because our bodies know how to move there and don’t need to double-check. Hence why we don’t look at our feet to walk.

So imagine that aliens don’t have this to the same degree humans do. The furniture moves and they move around it and are confused as to why the human crewmates keep bumping into things.

Then one day, after all the humans ajusted to the prank, the lights go off and the aliens can’t move around.

But the humans are just navigating the spaceship by muscle memory. And that is amazing, that it is possible for them to *walk through a memory* to compensate for being temporarily blinded.

You have captive extraterrestrials on your planet?

agent: this is area 51, where the aliens live me: cool agent: and over there is area 69, where the aliens… uh… me: what agent: …. me: what do they do there

Humans are weird

My take on humans are weird/space orcs/Australians

Humans succeed in long endurance running and overall stamina. While some  species have better senses, stronger muscles, and faster acceleration, none of them can last as long as a human when running (it was also ancient humanity’s hunting method: outlasting prey). What if humans can run at a constant speed for a prolonged period of time that would otherwise cause other species to fatigue easily?

S’kron: human George you must rest, you’ve been running for quite some time

George: nah I’m fine, this is normal for me

S’kron: normal? You’ve could’ve died from running that long!

George: I was jogging and it’s not bad, keeps me active, you should try it sometime 

S’kron: running for an extended period of time is your idea of exercise? Are all humans like this?

George: well some can run faster and some can run longer I’m considered average.

S’kron: average? You mean other humans are faster?

George: yeah we have running is a sport for us it’s called sprinting and we do it around 100m or over in laps

S’kron: a sport? You must be insane to be running for that long!

George: no its true we even make obstacles known as hurdles to jump over whilst running

S’kron once again reread human physiology and learnt that humans were the best overall runners on their planet, he brought these findings to the rest of the crew, to their shock.

At that moment the guide to humans book was once again edited with a new note: do not challenge humans to a running contest, for you will surely die a slow, exhausting, painful death

This does not seem right. Why would your species treat people who live in an area worse than those who are sometimes there?

The housing epidemic in Hawai’i has reached an all time fucking low.

Let me tell you a little story.

My landlord informed me that he’s in trouble with the building permitting office, and because I have a perfect rental history he wants to relocate me (with my husband and two kids) to another property. I’m like okay fine, I’ll go look at it.

But then I get there … and it’s literally a concrete slab with walls and cheap windows.

This piece of shit had:

No front door

No floor (just raw concrete)

No walls or insulation

No kitchen

No bathroom, shower, or toilet

No septic tank

No electricity

No water or catchment

They want $825 a month

I asked when they were going to finish the cabin. They said it was already done, and we would have to pay for everything else out of pocket.

Is this illegal? Probably. But in my area, there are over 800 displaced residents who are looking for rentals due to the Kīlauea volcano. Someone will probably be desperate enough to take this offer, but not me.

This is the type of housing conditions natives and Hawai’i locals are dealing with so foreigners can have their Air BnBs, vacation rentals, and retirement cabins. So rich politicians can have a second or third home somewhere tropical.