I Indeed Have Grossly Estimated My Place In Everyone's Life

that's the first ever time I felt bad for thinking how much I want to die. I still want to die, I don't wanna live. I don't think anyone would miss me or be that wounded nor do I care. but this woman...

i hate it here, like always thought no place hell like home but LMAOOO they are proving me wrong here.

Everyone who knew me since an infant describes me as this lonely child who kept to themself. I guess mom is right, maybe I have been broken since the day I was born

NO other show in existence understands sister dynamics better than fleabag. especially from the perspective of older sisters i believe. having the same character yell "...you're fine! you'll always be fine. you'll always be interesting, with your quirky cafe and your dead best friend. you just make me feel like i've failed," AND "the only person i'd run through an airport for is you" !!!!!!!!! it's insane and it's exactly how i feel

i wonder if she knows i stopped switching our blankets. i wonder if she knows i stopped stealing her sarees. i wonder if she knows that id do anything to just get a hold of either of those right this very moment. i wonder if she felt hurt when she found out, i wonder if she'll feel awful when she finds out.

i wonder if i want her to.

yeah, i do. guess i really am after all my mother's daughter.

when bts said "i dont have a dream, dreaming is sometimes scary, to live like this, to survive like this, is a small dream to me" in paradise

kind of wanna disappear again, off the planet. forever. kind of wanna go back to old habits. wanna make everyone know that i still am indeed fucked in the head

what is it about you that i love so much

Aslan Jade Callenreese you are safe now, I'll be happy with that

the thing with fleabag is how she has no one. like I get she might have her sister or something like that but when she wants to, like at times weirdly she reaches out, she tries and even then. just. she's let down. there's no one who would choose her, even the guy she loved, truly. didn't choose her. he loved her, yes but he didn't choose her. her loneliness hit me so much. these days I feel so lonely. awfully lonely. i am so so alone. i think i speak with a bunch of people on a normal basis, everyday, here n there but none of them, idk how to say this but none of them are ANYONE. im not anyone to them either. i feel bad I do have friends, but i don't either. i actually don't. i have people but I don't. i am in so much trouble rn, everytime I think about it I want to take a knife and stab myself, right there in my throat. at least back then i think when I had shit going on, after months of crying alone I finally had someone to speak with but these days i dont. who will I even go to. literally who? people around me and yet absolutely no one. i have never felt this alone in my entire life than I do at this moment. i am so scared of a lot of things, I don't have hope I don't have people. the loneliness is suffocating me. if i don't stab myself in my throat, the loneliness will grab me by the neck and choke me until I'm grasping for breath and stop breathing. it's so devastating that even in death im gonna die alone and by myself. idk if Tumblr will report this n take it down