Arthur Rimbaud, From The Complete Works Of Arthur Rimbaud; "A Heart Under A Cassock,"

♇ Thoughts on P L U T O ♇

I just woke up from a dream about an old boyfriend. We haven't spoke in five years. It had a very intense & dramatic ending. I lost nearly 25 pounds following the breakup, because I started new psych meds that had bad side effects, and I was so depressed I basically was letting myself wither away.

I just looked at our Composite Chart. Turns out we have Pluto in the 7th House. The house of Libra, the house of Relationships, Marriage. I believe it also rules the courts. Libra is about balance, finding resolution in relating to others. The 7th house is the start of the 'external' energy in the zodiac wheel. The first 6 houses are internal, about the individual. Then, the energy starts to look outwards. How you fit into society, the world, at large.

Looking back at our chart, it makes sense. Seeing Pluto there, he taught me a lot about what is appropriate in social relationships. In a very intense way that I won't get into. But I sure learned my lesson. Painfully so.

My Natal Pluto is in my 5th House. This is said to make one obsessively pursue art, or self expression. The 5th house also rules recreation like sports, but also your posterity/children. I do obsessively try to 'create' content to post online. Graphics, photography, poems, blog posts.

Perhaps Pluto shows where you will learn your strongest or most intense lessons.

Here's our composite chart. The fact the Sun was in the 5th house makes sense. I have Pluto there. I always had a vision of me gardening when I thought of him. Our composite sun is in Virgo. Gardening is so virgo.

Seeing the end of our relationship, and that we haven't spoke in 5 years. The Venus opposite Sun makes sense. He was also very nurturing towards me and helped take care of me. Moon in 4th. He was successful and helped me be stable and go to work and stuff. Jupiter in 10th. Jupiter is expansion and fortune, 10th house is house of career and profession.

Neptune in 9th and Uranus in 8th make sense too. We both shared mystical ideas and had a lot of mystical experiences. I suppose the Saturn and Pluto placements show the lessons he taught me. Our relationship taught me. Over personal property, home life, and relating to others in society.

10 septembre 2021

je me repose sur le lit dans ma chambre. je suis à la maison de ma grand-mère, où j’habite. la grand-mère sur le côté de mon père. il a aidé mes parents m’élever depuis ma jeunesse. elle est en tout cas, comme un autre parent.

quand ma sœur et moi rations le bus pour l’école, elle nous y amenait (je viens d’utiliser « y » correctement, hein ?) si on voulait, on pouvait venir chez-elle. et maintenant, après tout le drame, je suis de retour.

c’est pas mal. j’étais très content de revenir. la vie tout seul est difficile. j’ai fait la connaissance d’une personne qui a devenue très proche à moi, et j’me suis reconnecté avec des anciens amis. je me suis tombé amoureux deux fois, plus ou moins. la vie m’a fait mal, bien sûr. sans doute. j’ai fais des drogues. j’eu eu le sexe. la vie m’a fait mal. personnes sont mortes. mais, la vie est même bonne.

en tous ces cas, il y a des moments, ou en mon cas, jours, semaines, ou je me sens trop mal. quelques jours je peux pas me lever du lit. quelquefois c’est ok. je pense que je me suis réconcilié avec mes émotions. certainement elles sont plus lourdes parfois. mais je suis même ici dans la planète. j’ai essayé de me tuer plusieurs fois. mais je suis ici. dieu ou l’univers voudrait que je suis vivant. et je vis. pas parfaitement. je fais beaucoup de choses et j’ai des opinions que je sais trop beaucoup me feront mal si j’étais trop honnêt avec des autres. j’ai appris que tout le monde n’a pas besoin de savoir tous mes pensées, mes insécurités. ils les utiliseraient pour me blesser. je l’ai appris à la dure. je ne peux pas faire tout le monde confiance. c’est just la réalité de la vie.

maintenant je me sens assez bien. je voudrais le garder cette façon. si je dois fumer quelque chose ou prendre un moment pour respoir et fermer le monde hors de moi, je le ferrai. j’ai pas autant peur comme j’avais. ai-je même peur ? ouais certainement. mais j’ai changé, lequel est le raison pour la vie, non ?

je suis optimiste. je sais pas l’avenir et ce qu’il comporte. mais j’ai du terrain stable maintenant. j’ai l’intelligence émotionnelle, dans une façon que je n’ai pas eu avant. la mort continue de me fait peur. mais je suppose c’est un message pour un autre jour!

all too relatable

You ignite my heart aflame to burn in vain

today’s astro observations

let’s be straight (got ya!) but we’ve all got signs we don’t really like. “i like everyone equally” thanks gandhi! not me.

but really, my signs are gemini and aries. i have three personal planets in gem, saturn in aries. but i’ve always had an aversion to that sign for some reason. my bff trev has his moon there. my aunt her moon. my sister her venus. but it wasn’t until my first roommate was an aries and his scorpio moon constantly surprised me with how compassionate, understanding he could be. like i felt understood, or something. idk.

*disclaimer since people lack perception and depth, but this is obviously a personal and subjective opinion, likely due to my negative polarities of cancer and virgo. i am not arguing that any sign is better or worse, inherently*

then i had a romantic fling with an aries man and i’d realized maybe i’ve been a bit too hasty with my judgment. hey, we’ve all been there.

*interestingly* my sun sign, cancer, apparently forms a natural “square” or point of tension, with aries. 🦀⚔️🐏

which is so true …. we be fightin.

cheers everybody xx

well the reason i know this is because moon square mars is also like cancer vs aries. because the moon rules cancer, mars rules aries. or whatever. so this aspect is kinda like that external manifestation inside of myself <3 or at least that’s what i’m telling my lawyer…

i have a bunch of essays to write for school now. if anyones reading my blog, ☄︎ ☄︎

𓀂

.

.

.

.

𓀡

(this is a bear friendly blog)

(the gay ones. not sure about

real ones)

ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ

ናድያ நதியா приятел ナディア ناديه ਨਾਦੀਆ

I wish age gap discourse hadn't spiraled the way it has because I want there to be a safe space to say "Men in their 40s who date 25 year olds aren't predators, they're just fucking losers"

真的有意思…

my job involves speaking chinese to actual important biznizz people and whilst in my waking hours I am mid but acceptable at work and in meetings, in my dreaming hours my subconscious serves up nightly dreams in which I am forced to orate classically for hours in front of my boss as if I am second in line for the throne and arguing that my elder brother's proposition to accept tax predominantly in copper instead of grain disproportionately hurts smaller farmers, 父皇之宽容，天下皆知，儿臣恳请父皇三思啊！and then when I wake up it's back to this situation is. uhh. difficult. and there are many angles

这个学期，我有“漂亮的汉子课”，汉子的历史和书法，那么东西。我喜欢历史，看怎么汉子改变不同的时代。有繁体字很漂亮，我想要没有改变了。但是，也有简单字我很高兴现在使用。书法，我不耐心。我也不在乎如果我的汉子是理想。但是，我赏识这个传统的艺术。

我几乎忘了，我开始了实习期。它是在一家亚洲文化中心。我有两个中国主任。我下还这个实习期。我很高兴。很好的机会。我现在更老，不是孩子或者年轻人。好吧，我饿死了。我现在要吃爆米花。再见 ！