Today’s Astro Observations

Oh, the 12th House.

Sometime between middle and high school, I had a dream. I was using Tumblr, logging on, and seeing what other people were saying. There had been some catastrophe, and not everyone had the internet. It wasn't guaranteed. But I somehow had access to the internet, and I logged onto Tumblr through my TV. People hadn't posted in weeks, months.

I thought it was weird that I was scrolling through Tumblr on my TV. This was 2010. It wasn't a flat screen. It was big and chunky and a box. These days, you can check Tumblr on a TV. Technology has come a long way. Airplay. Screensharing. Smartphones.

Could that dream have been a premonition? Of the decline in use of Tumblr over the years. I had just discovered Tumblr in the 8th grade. I was one of the first users, back when hipsters and mustache and converse pictures were just about to become the rage. Myspace was still around, though becoming a graveyard more and more by the month. Scene kids never die though. Rawr :]

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What could the dream have meant? Perhaps that TV would be my own demise? My armageddon?

When I first read about the 12th house, I was a first-year at Centre College. The 'best' college in Kentucky. Private, small, liberal arts college with a hefty endowment. Most people have never heard of it. So much for the prestige and recognition.

I read Liz Green's article about the 12th house. I had just started getting into astrology. I'm smart. Was an IB / International Baccalaureate student at one of the best high school's in the city. But astrology gave my little 18 year old mind & heart some peace of mind. Homework and ambition can only do so much.

Harvard. Thanks to Gossip Girl, Brown University became my dream school. I applied Early Admission, seeing as the acceptance rate was slightly higher, and I thought my desire and longing to be upper class would carry the weight for my acceptance. AAAANNNHHHH!!!! Nope. Try again. You were just an above average student, thought not straight As or rich and well connected. Of course, this got my admittance to other good schools. Just not an Ivy. You probably would have hated it anyway, seeing as you had a nervous breakdown your second semester into college. And that was only two hours away from home! :) Rhode Island? not a chance.

My intuition told me not to go to Centre. But my ego persisted. I wanted to go to the best school in Kentucky, and I wouldn't settle for less.

I got so drunk the weekend I visited campus my senior year. The guy blamed himself for letting me get carried away. But I knew what I was doing. Granted I didn't mean to get that fucked up. But I wanted to get drunk. My bad homes.

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So, I wanted the conventionally successful life. I did. Graduate college in four years, maybe be a banker or something. Make money. It really seemed so simple to me. Then my life became a living hell. Torture. I became so reclusive. Would walk around in the night, and miss my classes in the morning. I had no money. No car. Surrounded by strangers, rich strangers, in a small town two hours from home.

I fell apart.

I ended up in the Psych ward for a week. Took the rest of the semester off to join a new religion, the Mormons. Came back the next Fall only to be completely miserable again in a couple weeks time.

I guess I just thought I could handle it. I wasn't disciplined enough to stick it out. I was crazy enough that it became too difficult.

I was in fact crazy. I didn't realize it at the time. I do now. It's why I blacked out all those years.

Thanks, 12th house.

The 12th house in Astrology. The house of Psych wards, Prisons, Monestaries, Rehabs. A single drop of water in the vast vast ocean.

The unconscious. Spirituality. Bipolar disorder. Photography. Drugs. Weird religion. Gay.

Boy, I had it in for me. All things considered.

I realized though, my dad's Sun was also in the 12th house. Mine and his. So I guess we asked for this. We're in this together. Two wackos.

Great.... :(

I guess what they say is true.

The 12th house makes you crazy. I'm living proof. But it also gave me psychic powers. Gifts. The days you feel like you are completely drowning, though, are the worst.

The lion's roar. The animal story book. 1904. Book cover.

Internet Archive

omg my virgo moon makes me so judgmental by default …. i will judge people for the most arbitrary things (usually their personality, not physical features)

but then my cancer sun 12th house is like so forgiving and compassionate….. truly i am such a humanist and will forgive anyone at the drop of a hat and always try to see the good in people.

but my moon square pluto // mars opp pluto is like… if you piss me off I Will End You

*stormy weather by the kooks*

My great grandma, Violet Leib. It runs in the family.

the sound of a seagull greets him through an open window. he’s sitting in a quiet and quaint hotel restaurant. the california coast.

he looks out the window across the dock. the boats rest still in the calm waters of the pier. the autumn morning sun is bright, accompanied by a tame and salty ocean breeze. he’s thinking about someone. he thinks about home.

a chilly morning for pastel chino shorts & a well-worn, cerulean linen sweater. both wrinkled, because of the suitcase and an impatience for folding laundry. his dark blond hair is healthy and uncombed, his pale skin and slight accent likely hinting to others he’s not from around here. at ease, his thoughts drift back to kentucky, back to the summer.

surrounded by the soft sounds of silverware clinking on plates, coffee mugs being picked up & sat back down on the tables, sunlight and small talk fill the room. he focuses on the present moment, breathing everything in. people actually live like this, he smiles.

i’ve never been in a straight relationship. can’t both partners be winners? i feel like relationships always have imbalanced aspects. my ex was internet famous for having a big dick and was solidly upper middle class, but i am conventionally attractive and speak three languages. also 99% of gay relationships don’t work either. i feel like kids are the only thing that keep most marriages together.

I just realized here in the early morning hours that in a straight couple, you are indubitably getting some kind of power struggle where both the man and the woman assume, maybe even subconsciously, that they’re respectively going to be the winners. You could say This is probably why 99% of non-marriage relationships end and 50% of all marriages end in straight folk. It isn’t that most couples HaTe EaCh OtHeR, it is that they have some competition going on in their minds that there exists no rules to.