It's Been A While. I'm Dealing With Some Emotional Shit Right Now So Just Hang In There. Ok, Now Pretend

Idea for a new profession. Anarchyologists. They go undercover as normal archeologists but then they take artifacts from one sight and move them to a completely different sight to confuse the actual archeologists.

The fun thing about anxiety is I can't tell if I'm sick or if it's just the normal urge to puke from all the stress

I have eaten an uncanny amount of bread in the last 24 hours and I have no intention of stopping.

it's not enough to just empower women. men need to come together and start dressing slutty, it's the only solution

hungry

What I Say: Hey Boss I can't come into work today I have food poisoning

What I mean: Hey Boss I ate 18 Raviolis and shits about to get WILD

I use the term "this slaps" a lot for songs that I like. Recently, however, I've been partaking in more violent metaphors, such as "this slams my head into a fucking concrete brick again and again and again"

You spend time putting thoughts into your jokes and get moderate notes, and then you make one fucking horse plinko joke and everyone loses their shit

One of my friend's siblings told me that I sound like Michael Cera and I took that to heart.

Can everything just like... Slow down for a minute? Like I'm over here trynna get my shit together and the ever continuous flow of the universe isn't helping.