A Complaint Is Already Halfway Up Her Throat, Almost To Her Lips, When She Bites It Down. The Warmth

dark eyes flicker from his face to the very obvious disarray he called his hair. but she says no more — opting to twirl her pencil around deft fingertips, cheek sitting against her palm as she stares, watching him begin to tidy himself up. an endeavor he doesn’t quite see through when he slumps into his chair and she can only bite back a laugh. 

“offended — oh, so you’re hoping to be unalived before the new year? i see, i see.”

she nods, as if making a mental note — even if such a thing will probably be forgotten by the end of the day, knowing her. letting the spiral leave her grasp, she makes a pout — only to have the item returned to her in due time. “and what is this supposed to be?” she asks, even though the obvious was plain for her to see, re-opening the book to the page he was last at — eyeing the new addition just short of the random doodles she had done earlier. 

lili glances up when one of the coaches appears handing out the game's item to the remainder of stragglers that had passed the threshold of their room. reaching over for the item that had been passed around when she had arrived, she tosses the shuttlecock — the jegi — at him, “제기차기.”

"Huh? How did you know?" He fixes his posture momentarily to check himself in the reflection of the window, reaching up smooth down the unruly strands with only his palms and determination. He quickly gives up, sinking back into his chair with a shocking lack of energy. He pulls his backpack closer to his feet when he spots another trainee cutting through the small space between his desk and the one in front of him. He refocuses his attention on his friend, noticing the smirk on her lips.

"I would be offended if I wasn't top three in your hit list." He snatches the notebook from her grasp, turning it on it's side to read her scribbles. He can't make out anything useful besides some interesting doodles. "Is this how the inside of your mind looks like, Lils?" He teases, reaching for the front pocket of his backpack to grab one of his pens. He adds his own mark on the page, facing away from the trainee to keep her from grabbing it back before his masterpiece was done. It was a simplistic doodle of the girl and a butterfly on her shoulder. "Here you go!" He displays the page of the notebook like it was a work art hung on a gallery wall, placing it in front of her before closing the pages. "I'll stop fooling around... What are we learning?"

໒꒱ . TRAINEE MISSION # 17 _ NOSTALGIA REVIEW、

it is to no one surprise that lili’s least favorite week was week 5 and no we will not elaborate because lili’s headache throughout rehearsals should be enough of an explanation.

she was rather pouty and mouthy ( to any ear that listened ) about the song choices but when it came time to actually performing, like the hypocrite she is, she smiled and sang like she hadn’t just bad-mouthed each song the week prior to performing it.

funnily enough, lili’s favorite week was probably week 6 because she enjoyed ’tt’ the most. not only was it the most vocally challenging of the songs they had to perform during this stint, she found herself having fun performing it as well — understanding just why people liked it, in the end. 

she probably got a little too into character during the performance with her pouts.

one thing lili knows how to do is be charming and she thinks ( SHE THINKS ) her charm was shown the best during week 6’s performance.

from rehearsals to their subsequent performance, lili finds herself craving the stage more than she usually does. maybe it has something to do with the fact that they were building up for something — maybe it was the fact that with each week came a new performance and that only sparked a new sense of fulfillment in her; whatever it was, by the end of the program, lili finds herself a little sad that it had ended so soon despite her many ( many ) complaints.

she, surely, complained a bit too much to chaekyung and is still sore that chaekyung did not bring her to the nurse when she said her headache was life or death.

while lili prizes herself as an all-rounder performer, she’s realizing that being an all-rounder also means being able to cover for her peers when they fall short and not only does lili fail in that regard, she loses sight when she puts rapping and similiar low-toned range performances on the back-burner. another that she finds herself shirking is the way she portrays herself in her performances as a performer, being away from the stage had set in her a precedent of comfortability that she needs to ease off of — she needs to want it again, to not be okay with being comfortable, she needs to succeed in its light rather than just be on stage. she wants to shine. 

a hand shoots up — “wait, wait — i said i sucked, i didn’t — do you think i’m a loser?” should she get her ears checked? did she, lili xu, actually sound that bad for ichika to immediately dismiss her as the affronted and absolutely — totally uncalled for — damning title of ‘loser’?

she feels herself default — not from discouragement — but the shock. never had lili ever felt herself feel so crestfallen — so rug pulled out from under her bewildered. again, it begs the question of: why was lili even here?

lili groans, feeling a crease iron itself permanently between her brows in concern. “was it really that bad?” lili was no japanese maestro but even she didn’t think she had failed as miserably to deem it — oh, god, lili didn’t even want to repeat it again.

she sniffs, bringing the stylus back to the document she had pulled up on her ipad where the rest of her diligent — but messy in the way a chaotic mind like lili could only understand — notes lay. “fine, if that’s what you think is best.” she taps the end of the pen against her cheek as she thinks.

“it’s supposed to be a mock of some hosting event, right?” she asks for clarification — “how would i even begin?”

In all honesty, Ichika did feel for some of her trainees. She had assumed that they would come with more experience but seeing that someone like Lili was being asked to perform without much exposure well, the more she thought about it, the more on-brand it seemed. When she was a trainee, there had been girls who had been chosen to take part in LGC Girls Japan with very limited Japanese, and some of them had been given more lines than she had. As long as you were able to make it work, what was the problem? Or so, she assumed the mindset was. 

“You are not a loser,” she replies even, shaking her head slightly. “You’re only a loser if you do not try.”

And to her credit, Lili does try. Ichika had dipped her toe into learning Mandarin over the last year, but for someone to ask her to host with a trace of fluency would have been hard. “You /are/ improving.” She assures the younger woman, “So long as you show effort, that’s what’s important. I want you to keep practicing your pronunciation and I’ll see about preparing you a phonetic script to practice with. If you can show confidence in speaking and continue to practice, a lot of errors can be forgiven. I’m sure you experienced that when you first came to Korea, as well.” 

Unlike the other two, Ichika knew that Lili went through a similar situation when she came to Korea years ago, and with that alone, she knew Lili was not a loss cause. “Actually, how about this: I want you to write down what you want to say and we can work on translating it. We can work from there.”

໒꒱ .  莉莉 ✽ PLOT CALL _ q3

calling for plots because we are always very, terribly late plots juseyo

⤷  TRAINEE MISSION 018

HOSTING WORKSHOP _ open !

DAILY VLOG _ solo

CREATIVE LESSONS _ choreography [ hip hop / classic ] _ open !

there were many things lili should be right now:

encouraging, sympathetic — even more, empathetic — a good pillar of support to a friend who was going through something that lili could only understand at surface level.

what lili should not be right now is bitter.

but her little green friend sits high on her shoulder, on a pedestal of envy that could not be toppled with something as heartfelt as ‘being a good friend’. no, lili had never been a good friend — even when she tried her hardest, at her core, she was a selfish friend who was also ambitious to a fault. so, when she sees someone else who had something that she wanted and could never get — well, something had to give.

unfortunately, lili was not a giving person.

( at least not in that way )

yujin was only being honest. and any good, trustworthy friend should be considerate to the other’s feelings. but was there anything lili could say to remedy the situation that didn’t sound so … volatile? nothing seemed to come to mind, everything that nearly dripped from her lips felt like a slap to the face waiting to happen. 

so, instead, she sighs when yujin regresses and instantly she feels a pang of guilt shoot right into her gut at how she had nearly bit the other's head off, but before she could stop herself and lessen the blow; her ugly head reared itself again, “so, you got everything you could have ever wanted, yujin, the pressure should have been expected as a trade off to debuting, right?”

there was always a give and take with these things — fame wasn’t given to the weak. "wasn’t this why we spent all this time training so that we wouldn’t break under this type of pressure?"

yujin knew how lucky she was to be in this position after failing future dreams. the doom she felt in her chest the following week was unsettling, and she started to prepare what she would do if she couldn't debut. she had trained for so many years that not debuting on that show had felt like all her hard work was starting to slip through her fingers.

to debut into crystallis, there was a new set of pressure on her shoulders, and yujin felt it from the managers and the fans, who probably weren't so pleased with the latest additions to the group. for the rest of her career, she will play catch-up with the other girls and constantly prove her worth, that she has every right to be there on that stage.

these words shamelessly slipped from the blonde's mouth to her friend, lili. she didn't want to complain or seem ungrateful, but there was something still so unsettling about her placement now. it would take time for her to get used to everything, to being an idol and in a group that was already so well established. there was always going to be some sort of struggle in this journey, but as long as she was able to get this off her chest, yujin would feel better.

well, she thought she would feel better if the tone shift didn't make yujin fidget in her seat. there was a small smile that tightened on her lip. maybe she was thinking way too much into this.

"ah, nothing... i think it was just something i needed to share with someone i trust. you work so hard to get to this point, and you never realize the amount of pressure set on you to be perfect."

super late plot call for the trainee mission ! if anyone still needs a prep & activities thread, lili is free to take up a couple ! please like or reply and i’ll hop into your messages ♡

@LGCENT just posted a photo!

just another year around the sun 🎁 ❤️

#lgctrainees #lgcent #xulili

request for you to not be a bitch

request denied

i know you don’t speak my language but i love the way she’s talking to me   —   @lgcamelia, april '21.

it’s one of those days. 

the days where lili couldn’t be fucked to do anything the coaches asked of her — they’d told her time and time again that she should be pushing herself, that securing her spot in whatever choreography they were currently going through wasn’t enough — that she should be front and center, present and determined to do what it takes to prove that she wasn’t going to do the same things she had done at her last company.

as if whatever she had done at said company had warranted such treatment.

( sure she flaked on debut but did that mean she was a flake — lili liked to think not )

so, it comes again — probably the fourth time today — that a coach comes and goes, exasperated at lili’s reeling and appalling plethora of excuses. once more using the — ‘sorry, can’t understand’ — to her advantage.

that is until a trainee — who obviously could understand her — is suddenly brought to the helm and into the throes of lili’s obnoxious display of unintentional rebellion. fuck, there goes her fun.

when the girl comes to her, lili only raises a brow in amused surprise, “huh — that was quick. didn’t think they would send in plan b so soon.” she says in mandarin, flicking the plastic spoon that held the last bites of her yogurt back into its cup. 

oh, he was infuriating.

behind his smile, lili knew he was enjoying every second of this — that darling devil of a man was truly cruel. how dare he play her when he knew she could do nothing but smile through it — oh, the earful he was going to get after the cameras turn off was going to be a big one.

her eyes roll, this is the one thing she can’t help, when he denies her hint — a pout already forming on her plump lips as she takes the ski poles from him. “fine, be that way, i guess i’ll just have to wait to be dazzled.”

she shakes her head, trying — but purposely failing — to keep her laugh from spilling from her cheeks as she shuffles forward, “it’s only a bunny slope, you should get down with no worries! just keep yours in front of you and your knees slightly bent!”

lili makes her first ride down with ease — a practiced simplicity that comes with experience. a bunny hill was always the best for beginners. it was barely even a hill, if lili thought of it, not even too far from where she sees minkyu riding, shortly after her.

This is fun. This is so much fun.

Minkyu isn’t mischievous by nature - not really - but there’s something endlessly entertaining about doing all the things he knows Lili isn’t particularly fond of, without the usual fear of being scolded. After all, she can’t exactly bark at him like she normally would, not with the cameras rolling. And that? That makes it even more fun.

( Though he’s well aware he won’t hear the end of it once filming wraps. )

He grins, proud, as Lili tells him he did well with the skis. But instead of accepting the praise, he lifts a single gloved hand, wiggling his pointer finger in playful denial. “No, no. You’re not getting any information out of me! A surprise is only a real surprise if the receiver is completely clueless.” His smile stretches wide, a chuckle slipping between his words.

What she doesn’t know is that he’s actually prepared two surprises. But that’s for him to know and her to find out.

“I can promise you, though: it’ll leave you speeeeeechless.”

That cheeky little grin of his makes another appearance as he hands her the ski poles, then secures the straps of his own around his wrists. “Alrightie, lead the way, Miss Ski Princess! I’ll be following closely and trying not to fall on my butt.”