Alexis Ren By Sarah Bahbah “Kygo, Chelsea Cutler - Not Ok” Music Video

໒꒱ . TRAINEE MISSION # 15 、

round and round it goes.

where it stops — no one knows. 

she pulls the string once more, ricocheting the top into the floor. the clatter it makes as it hits the ground does not strip her from her reverie, irises hypnotized by the spin and pull of the game. finally a game that she had a knack at — that didn’t require her to think or to do or to ace at the first go. all it took was a pull of the twine and the top would fall apart from her fingertips. ready to split the ground beneath it as it run amok around them. 

and run it does, running in circles from point a to point z. never in the same place, its center of gravity teetering fast until it tilts a little too far on one side, collapsing upon itself as it topples. a pause in the game as she snatches it up to start all over again. 

again, it’ll spin round and round.

where it stops — her eyes will go.

follow it until the end, like an expectant child would to a mother.

or like what she believes an expectant child would do in the presence of one it fawned over. lili would no know better. like the top, she finds herself spinning and spinning — fast and furious through the lanes of people, around people, through people, continuing on until her own center of gravity tilts — and she stops, 

all to begin again.

because like a top, lili finds herself adjusting — forcing herself to acclimate to places unfamiliar, submerging head first into a game she doesn’t know, but must learn in order to survive. 

like a top, she’ll spin — spin and spin because she’s at the mercy of someone else.

the top pivots at the will of her pull, like she bends for the validation of others. begging for acceptance, vying for a win amongst the multitude of losses just stacked against her. 

fingers pull at the string once more.

and again, she’ll spin — spin, spin.

round and round, it goes.

where she’ll stop? no one knows. 

໒꒱ . TRAINEE MISSION # 17 _ NOSTALGIA PERFORMANCE ( DOLPHIN ) 、

despite her initial toil and complaint, lili finds a refreshing relief once she finally steps foot onto the stage. the heated lights overhead that dim before the start of the performance. the quiet murmur of staff and performers as they quickly take their places. the silent cue to begin — it all pricked at her nerves and delighted her in ways that make the past few weeks of grumbling kind of worth it?

( i know — shocking )

the songs aren’t necessarily hard. 

in fact, other than the slight hitches in octave, lili finds them fitting into her range with ease. she had never thought she’d grow accustomed to singing such cutesy songs about love but — here, she is. grinning and bearing it, as she can, all while prancing around as if the cutesy, pretty love that she sang about was all that mattered in the world. 

its fitting though — such cute songs for the turn of seasons. and with that thought, lili realizes, she could hardly care less about what they wanted her to sing. even if it was a song about some mid dude being a dolphin, no less. 

( lili’s interpretation, mind you )

she just missed being on the stage, in front of people, having them fawn over her in ways that only the lights and the roar of a crowd could do. the lights are blistering as the song starts up and the peppy beat drills through the sound system.

the dance isn’t hard — a flourish of hand movements here — side stepping into formation, there. rocket science be damned — it as like clockwork, hitting each beat with it’s composed movement that lili wishes that they had changed it, made it their own but she supposes this is what it meant for them to be doing these stages:

to be appeasing to its nostalgic factor. 

when songs only required pretty girls to sing cutesy songs with average choreography that aided in its virality. it’s in no way for lili to meddle — she thinks — as she moves from the side to the center once it’s her turn, the words rolling off the tongue with a dazzling smile to boot. 

because if it got her on stage, what did it really matter?

( at least for now )

super late plot call for the trainee mission ! if anyone still needs a prep & activities thread, lili is free to take up a couple ! please like or reply and i’ll hop into your messages ♡

“who’s that again? show me a picture.” lili was nothing but a visual learner — it also kept her mind off of trying to figure out how to shove herself into those unseemly nintendo characters. 

maybe she should have taken a page out of minseo’s book and browsed the extensive animal crossing critter catalogue — there was amany of those, the possibilities endless; but she had already dressed as a sexy fox last year; this year she wanted to do something different.

“more of a nerd than the one who came up with this quasi-alice in wonderland treasure hunt? what’s with these cards?” though fun to find, she was wondering what the point of these were. and yet again, another ‘eat me’ falls into her hands.

Halloween never gets old for maylin. every year brought something new and exciting for the dancer to try out. planning her costumes a month in advance was the way to go, but with this new theme, she could never use it unless she was lucky next year. to say she wasn't pissed off is an understatement.

there was no way in hell she could come up with something cool on such short notice and her disappointment showed in her expression, bottom lip jutted out into a pout as she ventured out into the decorated halls of lgc. whoever created this theme would get some words from her (anonymously, of course).

"whoever picked this year's theme is a nerd... who wants to dress up as Nintendo characters? what are we, five?" maylin grumbled, eyes scanning the halls for any sign of some kind of card they had to retrieve. she had already found the 'drink me' card stuck inside the beverage machines. why she participated in these things, she doesn't know. but it was a good excuse to be at lili's side while they chatted. "after doing a lot of research on who even belonged to the franchise, I did find those bayonetta characters. they are the sexiest characters I could find."

and possibly the only fun characters that ranged between any mario or animal crossing game that seemed to be their most popular creations to date.

note to self: no compliment is worth a lost ciggy rip — @shxlgc

this is what lili gets for going out with a guy just because his mom said she had pretty ankles.

that would have been lili’s excuse if said ‘going out’ weren't as obvious as inconspicuous happenings that were cleverly dressed up as accidental — it was all a ploy to somehow worm lili into their little hellhole of a family and here she was, eating it all up just because seunghyun’s mom just so happened to think her facial symmetry was proportional to aphrodite ( her words not lili’s, mind you! ) — yeah, maybe lili was that vain.

and probably an ounce too shallow — but if she could get compliments on the daily from a woman who kissed up to her just because she had half the hope that her grandchildren could look as pretty as lili did just from merely growing up ( and not undergoing a pricey knife ahem seungah ahem ) then maybe lili wouldn’t mind it.

until she realizes just who her supposed husband to be would be — this guy, glaring daggers at her as they both stood at the helm of a fountain, staring into its depths as they look on in misery. their sole saving grace to this dull party had sunk to the bottom of this marble moat.

fuck — and that had been her last one. 

“nice going, genius — now what are we supposed to do?” she frowns, looking around to see if any other geezers were loitering about with an extra they could bum off of. 

VALENTINE INTERLUDE     ୨୧     @lgcjunyi     /     her throat was dying, after belting out to wicked’s naughty high note — broken glasses withstanding — she needed to rest. she had just given the room the best they’ve ever heard — to lili’s standards — and what she wanted was a reward for her efforts.

beelining to junyi’s side, she sits next to the younger girl, reaching for an empty glass to fill with the pink punch that was going around. the reward she wished to be collected lay at the other’s tongue: “i’m parched — how’d your white day go?” cut to the chase; lili wanted details! “some guy gave me the grossest flower arrangements, yellow daisies! do i look like a yellow daisy type of person?” 

XU LILI '01 / B. BEIJING, RAISED IN LA .

hellooooooo ~ this is nini again with a second character who's definitely a whole 180 approach from jino lol. took me a while to get an intro up because end of the year things kept me busy ! and i was also still trying to figure out how best to explain little miss lili here ~ but nevertheless, we're here now and down below you can get a good idea of this gal who is both bite and bark and will very much prove it !!! but i promise she can be nice even if it comes off haughty and self-serving so please like if you'd like to plot ♡

TL;DR signed jul. 2020, female senior morning group, female dorm a; self-serving, self-absorbed and overly self-concious? yet deep, deep, deep down she has a heart of gold? just got to dig deep enough underneath all her generational trauma lol

BACKGROUND

born li yifei, her name was legally changed to xu yifei when she got adopted by her grandmother / it was further changed when she gained dual citizenship through her grandmother when she moved her to los angeles -> now she goes by xu lili

her parents were a love that burned hot but burned out fast kind of relationship

also didn't help that her dad and mom were from starkly different social brackets that when her grandmother strongly opposed the marriage, her mother got disowned and left to be with her husband

but when the marriage ultimately fell apart, in a last ditch effort, they had lili

for a while it worked until the pains of motherhood, marriage and poverty got too much and when she turned 5, her parents divorced: her mother got her and her father got his freedom back — apparently that meant never seeing lili again, too

a year after her divorce, her mother met a new man (richer, older) and started a new family alongside that man’s children from a prev. marriage. by the time she was 7, lili was brought back to her grandmother’s and like her father, that would be the last she’d see of her mother

being adopted by her grandmother was a start to a new life, adapting to a new environment and learning that love wasn’t just given: it was earned

her grandmother was the owner of a real estate investment / development group; a woman of high expectations and most of all, showed love like how she did business: she expected results in return for her nurture

in the case of lili: her grandmother enrolled her into all the best programs, nurtured her love for performing, and expected the excellence that proceeded from the investment

but excellence can only go so far with natural talent, lili had the talent but in comparison to her peers, she didn’t have the it needed to take her far, something she learns when she receives no offers to continue her ballet career

( 2017 ) instead, she looks elsewhere to continue her love, to find adoration elsewhere is null when her grandmother is pressuring her for results: she auditions for a company in la and passes; suddenly she’s on a flight to korea and training to debut in a girl group of some unknown company

just when she was about to debut, her grandmother ends up sick and she went home when she was supposed to be practicing/preparing for debut

( 2020 ) she ends up getting dropped from the debut lineup upon return (and still has the audacity to be sad about it) ~

she joins lgc in jul. 2020 after getting dropped from debut and consequently the label

TIDBITS

much prefers to be called lili

was quiet and withdrawn as a kid because of her parental troubles, only was able to really fully express herself through performing

because of that she was able to come out of her shell, however, it was falsified by the desperate need of validation and her inherent ego that waged a war with her insecurities 

has imposter syndrome, so she on the low sabotages herself

such as when she was supposed to debut, she knew what was at stake but still left -> her grandmother didn’t even appreciate her visiting when she was sick, instead she was told to go back to korea and finish what she started

headstrong and stubborn, her grandmother had brought her up to say what was on her mind and not care about others -> it only made her selfish and self-serving

a bit of a tsundere, if you squint but i swear it’s there, she’s not used to people being overly affectionate to her and is very rarely affectionate; will be the one to give an awkward shoulder pat when comforting

honestly because of her parents she doesn't believe in love, thinks it's superficial, thinks lust is also dumb but what can a girl do when she has needs 💅 might also think she's hard to love / doesn't deserve it because of her trauma from her parents and her grandmother

is 100% right, always, even when she is 100% wrong — will argue why she’s right

she likes being as she says ~ playful ~ and riling people up and causing friction, call it what you will but i think it’s the attention-seeker in her thinking that even if she can’t get people to like her, if they’re irritated, that means they have to be thinking about her still? right ???

ambitious to a fault, she will do what she needs to do to get where she wants to, even if that means burning some bridges

her grandmother had taught her to learn to control her emotions, but what can we say, she’s an open book and if she’s not on a default rbf — she’s giving face

v relationship phobe - more or less will keep one at arms’ length; the type to make you think you’re close but you don’t really know much about her 

will get out of everything and anything but saying she doesn’t speak korean / can’t understand what you’re saying

does not like pity, will not stand to be pitied

smokes like a chimney, we know its bad !!! but girl is stressed !!! and when she’s stressed !! she smokes !!

vain, superficial and far too outgoing and confrontational for her own good (can’t be me lmfao) and will 100% tell you what’s on her mind without prompt

she is an enabler, she will enable you 100% to make bad choices

she only cares about her grandmother really because it’s her validation she seeks the most but lbr she seeks validation everywhere in everyone and that’s kind of her ruin because she also has foot in her mouth syndrome and a temper 😵‍💫

PLOT HOLES

⤷  honestly give me everything ! we want drama, friction ! friends who try to dip deep, friends who make her angry ! friends who are obviously surface friends but want to be more ! friends who care but are annoyed with lili's aloof attitude ! friends who are no longer friends ! rivals !!!!! i'll take everything and anything anyone comes up with

NOTE

⤷   also i should have her profile with a proper bio finished soon ~ sorry about that xx

and lili did not know what she was doing — alas, before she had known it, a day had become five. five had become ten and oh, time in the poisoned gardens had gone so fast that lili hadn’t the slightest clue just how fast it had come to her twentieth day. “is that so …” she trails off, trying to recount just how long she’s been there, only to come up short. had it really been twenty days already? it had only felt like yesterday she had arrived with a sick feeling burrowing deep into her stomach. 

“but it’s nothing bad, right?” suddenly, she feels her heart quicken; there was no telling how much, nor how long the poison had accumulated within her. time had become a construct of a consciousness lili had retired from the moment she had stepped foot into the gardens. “right … i mean, i think i feel fine. don’t i look fine?”

the sap brings her back to the present, if not momentarily; pulling the other along, quick hurriedly around the bend where she had first hid from the girl. the tree from where the sap had come from had risen high above their heads but its branches sagged to their ankles, kissing their feet with their leaves. the sap she had been snacking on the past few days lay from a part of the tree lili had punctured with her zan.

“i do?” the answer comes off a string of her own slurred speech, replying to miyu a beat too late — after having mumbled through her own set of confusion. “i guess i don’t feel well. i’ve been feeling sick to my stomach since i got here but it comes and goes so i haven’t been thinking much of it. oh no — miyu! what do i do, am i going to die?” the panic sets in, a brazen trail of fear striking her heart and running her hands cold as she grasps onto miyu, a mere whisper of her words as she tries to calm herself albeit failing as she looks to the other girl. “is there something we can do?” 

"the most pleasant of surprises," miyu's laughter rings throughout the garden. "it's nice to see you again, promise."

it's hard to keep up with what lili is saying, her words coming out too fast. it's a bit concerning, really. miyu's brow forms a crease.

"you don't know? supposedly after spending twenty days in the garden you develop some kind of poison immunity," she tells lili. "it's not forbidden, but i wouldn't recommend it unless you know what you're doing," miyu frowns, wondering why it seemed like the other wanted to stay in the garden for an extended period of time.

"that must have been the sap i was looking for! you'll have to show me where you found it, but, lili, are you . . . " she trails off, biting her lip trying to find the right words. "are you okay? you seem," she pauses for a moment, looking into the other's eyes. "you seem, off, like something's wrong."

“christ,” lili curses under her breath, fingers running through her hair as she steps back. she was thankful — no, relieved — when she sees the other open her eyes to a blurry haze. she was alive — there was no need for cpr that lili did not know heads or tails of or 119. shit, should she still call them just in case? the girl did look like she needed some type of medical attention. “are you sure, you looked like … kinda two steps to heaven?”

watching the other nearly stumble, lili sighs; hands on her hips, brows furrowed before shaking her head. a hand raised to stop the other, if not extend a hand to stabilize her. “no, no — it’s okay. i was going to use it but you don’t look so good, you should stay. rest, maybe go to the infirmary? does this happen often?” 

One moment, she was studying her form in the mirror, checking the angle of her leg as she pointed it towards ceiling. The next moment, she was looking into the eyes of a girl she recognized but was not overly familiar with and completely soaked.

Junyi was not alarmed - this was, unfortunately, a common enough occurrence.

"I am alright," she whispered reassuringly, bringing a hand up to sweep across her wet bangs. People did not typically use water to wake her up; they most often opted for shaking and shouting. Junyi wasn't sure if she preferred this method more.

Regardless.

"Thank you for your help. Apologies if I alarmed you." She smiled despite the circumstances and sat herself up slowly. "I must have overheated. Or something." Her doctors in China informed her that she had a problem with her qi, and that was why she experienced these moments of weakness. It's been improving, but not quickly enough.

"Are you here for the practice room?" Junyi glanced at the clock. "Sorry. I'll get going now." She reached for her towel in the corner to wipe her face. Must have moved too fast, because she nearly fell over again.

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