Hi There

Am I ambitious

I have dreams, goals, things I want to do the kind of life I want to live but am i ambitious? I feel like I want to achieve my goals but also sleep when I need to or even want to, I want to have this lifestyle but actually have time to be in it.

Now I am not interested in being a new bill gates or Elon musk because I feel that kind of success defeats the purpose, your time, mind and life is perpetually occupied with one thing and for me that’s not exactly living

Source: kitten.foster.corner

I am okay

I am okay

I am okay

I am okay

I am okay

I am okay

I am okay

I am okay

I am okay

I am okay

I am okay

You have to say it at-least ten times before your brain registers it

Monday

Monday feels different these days, not anxious about the work I am doing or not wanting to do the work, I am doing.

I love what I do, I am happy I get to do this, but it also has its drawbacks, like, when will I get my invoices paid, will I find another opportunity to keep me fed and kept?

And so the anxiety is now about surviving, not the work and in some ways it feels like such a vicious cycle

From the beginning

It never was

I was never the one

I ain’t even in the running

Sometimes we fall into the in between

A neither here or there situation

It might seem familiar but there are no guidelines

It’s like groping in the dark for a version of something that might or might not exist

Hearts breaking, thoughts spiraling

How do you navigate a path that has never been crossed

“Please, I want so badly for the good things to happen.”

— Sylvia Plath