Leeisallyouneed - Finding Peace

Numb???? (Rant not a poem)

I Dont know how i am feeling, i just know that i am not okay okay, i look okay but i dont think i am, i want to lie on the floor, i have to convince myself not to eat the same thing over and over, even though that's all i honestly want to eat, its hard to focus and i feel so easily irritable.

I hate having to explain the way I am feeling to people most times I am met with template responses and on the worst side, seemly dismissive responses or passive dismissive responses, like “you will be fine” and the other variations of it, the craziest thing is, I don’t even know what the response should but it makes me want to shrink still, a part of me feels like people avoid me or reduce interaction with me when they can’t quite grasp what I am feeling and that makes me feel alone and like I shouldn’t share how I am feeling but I also know that bottling it up is not the way to go, so no up and no down

Sometimes I daydream or bother line dissociate from my body to relax, I wonder if other people do that too.

Spinoffs: Space Station Innovations in Your Cart (and Heart!)

You might think NASA technology is just spaceships and telescopes, but did you know the camera in your cell phone is, too? It’s one of many NASA innovations now found everywhere on Earth.

The International Space Station has had crew living on it for 25 years straight. In that time, the space station has enabled a tremendous amount of research, helping NASA and scientists better understand long-term living in space – but it’s not just knowledge coming back down to Earth! Technologies developed for the space station and experiments conducted aboard the orbiting lab also benefit people on the planet below. Here are a few of these inventions, or spinoffs, you can find in your everyday life.

A Sunscreen That Blocks Radiation in Space – and on Your Face

After surviving for 18 months outside the International Space Station, an extremely hardy organism is now improving sunscreens and face cream products from a cosmetics company, which licensed use of the organism from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory.

Build Muscle With or Without Gravity

Muscles atrophy quickly in space, so when astronauts began long stays on the International Space Station, they needed some specialized exercise equipment. A resistance mechanism made of a coiled metal spring formed the basis of the first way for astronauts to “lift weights” in space. Soon after, that same design became the heart of compact home gym equipment.

Fresh Greens Every Day of the Year

The need to grow fresh food in space pushed NASA to develop indoor agriculture techniques. Thanks to the agency’s research, private companies are building on NASA’s vertical farm structure, plant-growth “recipes,” and environmental-control data to create indoor farms, resulting in higher crop yields and better-quality produce while conserving water and energy and eliminating the need for pesticides.

Cultivating Hearts and Knees in Space

Gravity is a significant obstacle to bioprinting cells and growing human tissue on Earth because heavier components settle to the bottoms of petri dishes. In the absence of gravity, each cell layer stays in place, which is how it’s possible to grow heart and knee tissue on the space station. The same principle also allows mixing of complex pharmaceuticals on orbit.

Storing Oodles of Energy

NASA chose nickel-hydrogen batteries to power the Hubble Space Telescope and the International Space Station because the technology is safe, reliable in extreme temperatures, and long-lived. NASA’s improvements brought down the cost of the technology, which is now used by large-scale utilities and renewable power plants that need to store energy generated by intermittent sources.

You can read about many more products sourced from the ISS on spinoff.nasa.gov.

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There is no love here

Some places are simply selfish, they take and take and take for as long as it’s possible, some places are confusing, there is no back, there is no front, just a low buzzing level of chaos, some places are factual, they lack passion, authenticity, vibes, but the places that hurt are places where you realize that there is no love, knowing there is no love here, gives a different level of pain, it’s like a waking up but instead of coming to reality you are actually waking up on the opposite side, it’s cold and empty and a fucking nightmare

I have been lying to myself secretly and now I’m not sure how to move forward

What part of myself likes to ignore reality, what part of myself likes to warp reality, what part of me doesn’t understand reality

It’s like I live in a day dream and the rude awakening’s become increasingly ungracious

Why is it so hard to face reality, to speak my mind, to be brutally honest to myself, why is it so hard.

Maybe it’s the fear, that causes the trembling and the aversion

Maybe I need to become friends with my fear

I am choosing to be grateful,

For my body, my legs especially they are so strong and they work so hard, I am also grateful for the wind or breeze helps with the heat cause it’s so hot these days, I am grateful for ice cold water with little chunks of ice in it, I am grateful for my friends and how they cheer me up, I am grateful that my loved ones are okay, I am grateful for my hands, they helps us work and make delicious meals for ourselves, i an thankfull for my gut health, digesting all my food, I am grateful for love, from my family, lovers and friends, I grateful for comfort shows that keeps my breathe moving steadily, grateful for work that is exciting, grateful for the opportunities that come my way.

I am grateful

What does it feel like?

Anxiety feels like a weight on my chest

The weight is dependent on the day

Sometimes it’s heavy and sometimes it’s light

Anxiety feels like my lungs can’t suck in enough air

It’s feels like they can’t hold the air in for long

Short breaths

Anxiety feels like an uneasiness

Relentless undercurrent of unsettled energy

Constantly in alert mode

Constantly analyzing, thinking, ruminating

Anxiety feels unsafe

In those moments I just want to feel safe

On my own or helped by someone who cares and adores me

Distance

Initially or maybe still, I like space, for me to do me and for others to do them.

But space isn’t disconnect, is it? Maybe it’s the distance?

No it’s not that, it’s the lines drawn, that’s the distance

I feel distant from you lately, when I think of you sometimes, there is a little “O” in my head

Like you are still somehow, kinda in my life, but with a question mark

Maybe it’s just takes sometime, maybe we can close the distance and get back

Or maybe this is it