Monday

Very few things

Very few things feel good these days and if they do they last just for a bit, it’s most dire at night, when the sun goes down and the lights are out and there is only you, just about to take a pause on consciousness that’s when the shortness of breath, the ever present pain in your back, the heaviness in your chest all raise their voices and then you try, really try to think about things that feel good and you realize there are afew things, but just very few things.

Forbidden whack-a-mole

(via)

On the floor of my room, curled up as far as my hips will allow, wondering if in a years time I would be in a different place were everything worked out, were everything came together so beautifully, so when I look back in my minds eye and I see my self on the floor of my room, trying to hold it all together, I might in that moment think of this moment as resilience

Source: kitten.foster.corner

How do you decide what’s best for you?

I’m not sure if I can answer that question, I think it starts with asking yourself the hard questions.

Are you happy?

Will you be happy?

Does this make you happy?

Is this what you really want or is it what I think I should want?

I forgive myself

At every point in time, I tried to make a decision that I felt was right based on the information I had and my experiences and I would probably still make more decisions that will require self forgiveness and that is okay.