I Finally Finished This :D I Was Making This On The Side While I’m Working On All My Other Sculptures.

I'm so upset in the way where you just feel an empty space in your chest, wanna be angry but just want to say "welp, it's my fault." ;-; working on a stupid picture all day and lost all progress, the weird thing is I did save it, but it didn't save, and then everything froze pretty badly, I hate this computer

Possibly venting here~

Seriously though, how do I get more "out there" I do what I think is my best, I upload as often as possible, well cept a tad before "lately" I'll admit, I'm easily discouraged, I don't know how to help myself apparently, been trying for ages, but it seems as useful as a ghost knocking on a window asking to be let in. What am I doing wrong, everyone around me is flying by in some sorta way, while I just kinda watch...like I'm running as fast and hard as I can while everyone elses light warps past me. (in general)

I need to maybe say this, please read if possible.

I’ve seen plenty of posts saying “if you like to art you should be happy just sharing it rather than wanting notes, unless you want to get paid for it” or things around those lines.

Well honestly, I love doing art, I enjoy people seeing what I do, I enjoy doing it in general, but even since I thought “if I keep trying I could be an artist and make some sort of living out of it” I’ve always wanted to be paid for what I do, not only because it’s kind of a dream of mine but also because I actually NEED it now, well for a few years I’ve needed it, I can’t work physically, out in the open, etc. I promise you, I am unable to do anything in RL, it made me realize I am really not able to do anything, I have too many limitations, I’ve graduated HS even if I was there a few more years than planned, I’ve never had a job, not even babysitting, the reason why I didn’t graduate on time is because I couldn’t bring myself to go to school most of the time, as well as If the bell rang before I got to a class, I could never go to a class, that’s how bad my anxiety is, how all my problems are, I can’t even speak up to clerks, judges, anything, no matter how bad the situation. I’m always told “well once it gets bad enough you’re gonna have to bring yourself to do it” IT DOESN”T WORK THAT WAY, not for me, I wish it would, it makes me feel even more like a failure knowing I can’t do it. I won’t magically be able to do something just because the circumstances get worse, if anything that would make things harder for me. That’s another reason why I try to believe in what I do when it comes to art, it’s the only thing I’ve been “open” about, the only thing, ONLY thing I’ve ever been confident about, which makes it worse that I know I’m not well known, I’ve never been successful with it, especially not in a memorable way. I’ve had random one shot things that I’ve never been paid for, winning design on an anime store logo, getting into an art gallery, but not much else. I NEVER leave my house, I don’t have any friends, so it would also be good since all my time is dedicated to art, I’d be able to have a full time job doing this. I am always balancing on “my art sucks, not because my skills suck but because what I do isn’t memorable or I don’t pump things out fast enough.” and “I’m good, right? why am I not getting any attention?” I know most people don’t like when people have mindsets like this, well people who are open about it. So, since I, myself do want to get commission work and sell what I do, am I allowed to want attention? Should I actually try to get attention? I try my best not to because of how frail my mind is, anything breaks me, and hey it sucks, I try not to get attention due to being afraid of people me things like stop asking for attention, or people who want to hate on you just to do it, I already have enough at that as it is. I really need it though, I’m homeless now, no money, no place to go, no nothing, I’m scared. Even right now my mind is saying “I’m a failure” over and over again, though I try to think “everything will be okay, you just need to keep trying” but then it switches to “you’re not good enough, nobody likes you, stop trying already you aren’t good enough to be more than you are now.” I hope someone reads this..

I'm thinking of who to sculpt next but I can't think of who. All the gems designs and variations are great, (same with the other characters) I can't think of who to choose so I thought maybe asking the public would help. c:

Hey , hi, if anyone is here, I plan to try to be "active" again.

(-sorry for the accidental venting type thing, just vaguely updating about my life since I haven't really been on in a year besides like...lurking?-) I haven't been active on here in ages, I'm sorry. I don't even know if anyone really follows me on here anymore since I haven't posted anything, I'm not consistent even though I try my hardest to be, which is bad for an artist who has been trying to make a living off of their art, it isn't a hobby. My life has been horrible, I am very restricted on when I am allowed to draw, make art in general, be online, be awake. (If I could find a wifi signal it would be more often though..) I also recently had confirmed that I have a tumor in my breast, they say it is benign but..idk another one appeared after the mammogram on the opposite breast as well as I have had a swollen lymph node above my collarbone for about a month since the same time. (told me it is just inflammation from the thing.) In all honestly, I'm miserable, I have no friends, not a single one it scares me, I'm so lonely. I have no one I can talk to about my problems, my day, anything I like or not. My whole life is being controlled because I "don't have a job" every aspect of it, worse than when I lived with my parents. I can't work, I get panic attacks, tightening of the chest and heart palpitations just from the thought of stepping outside, I can't even talk to doctors without constant stuttering with tears in my eyes. I hope to start posting whatever I can... It just sucks that it takes me months to draw or sculpt one thing (that is even without time constraints usually) I hope no one gets mad at me posting this. I have no way to get online by my laptop, only someone elses phone usually, that or rarely my phone. (I don't have a phone service either)

Why must I be so slow when it comes to drawing :c

I haven’t had the content to post lately, all I have are works in progress pretty much :o all of these are about halfway done. (Except for the center one, those are part of something a lot bigger.) I’m working on a lot of other things but don’t have enough progress for me to post those. Top is Sardonyx(Steven Universe), left is Ruby and Sapphire(Steven Universe), middle are sup guys(Cryaotic),right is Rainbow Quartz(Steven Universe) (If possible ideas would be amazing. When it comes to Steven Universe, characters, themes, motifs, etc. Anything in general. When it comes to Cry, outfits that seem apocolyptic, “cool”, would be fun to sculpt, scenery, detailed gear?,weapons, poses, whatever else that is thinkable of. c: This in particular I plan to be one of the bigger projects I do as well as Max and Chloe from Life is Strage. (Planning stages until I can get the materials I need :D) As for drawing, I don’t know when I can again , poopy computer and lack of drawing supplies, honestly though I’ll probably invest in some copics before the computer.~

Help your invisible artists!

Liking and Rebloging stuff helps tons, but how can you do that if you aren’t seeing it in your searches? I don’t think a lot of people do this, so I thought I’d spread it around a little. Please signal boost! A lot of artists need your help to be seen, especially on the huge community of tumblr.

ether undyne or muffet (tbh i want you to do them all but i know that would take atleast a year without doing anything else ;n;)

Yeah, it takes quite a long time to sculpt but hopefully in time while I'm still inspired by the game I can do 'em. I have a lot of Steven Universe stuff I'm working on still with more I wanna do in general.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The funny thing is the characters that keep popping in my head to sculpt are Undyne, Muffet and Sans, sure there are a ton more but my mind keeps wandering to them more than the rest. 8D~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~if anything I might just invest the time to make these three. c:

Third entry for Minxs Cintiq contest. this time Throne of Lies, I tried looking into the game the best I could and I got this sorta feel from it, I couldn’t find out more but cant wait to see it. I really enjoyed making this one the most out of all the ones I managed to finish. ouo