Not Feeling As Exhausted Today Yippeee !! I Am Absolutely Determined To Get 20k Steps AND Get In A Proper

The binge urges have been hitting hard lately, thankfully I haven’t fully given into them but it’s been causing me to slack off and eat more than planned.

Im praying so hard to keep my restraint tonight when I get home from work, and for this weekend since I’m having a sleepover.

Next week I’m locking in so hard I’ve only got 2 shifts so I’m gonna try liquid fast as many days as I physically can so I can try speed run my goal of reaching 50kg by the end of this month.

Guys I’m actually so confused, my scales telling me I hit 51.3kg but I swear to god I don’t look it like if I look back on body checks where I was a whole kilo heavier I still looked skinnier then. My scales not broken, I put things with a bunch of different weights on it to make sure and it was accurate.

I don’t even know if I should feel happy or not, it feels fake.

Day 3 of fasting, feeling too depressed to get my steps in yet again so I’m just gonna keep going and I’ll break it tmr afternoon maybe

oh my god and I just remembered that im going to the doctors tomorrow and they might weigh me, what if I gain from eating so much today, I wanted to be underweight by the time I got weighed by a doctor again, how the fuck am I going to lose a kilo and a half overnight.

Broke my fast even though I wasn’t hungry, gave up 2 seconds into my workout and found out that due to binging and being a lazy fuck like I am tonight losertown estimates I’ll be at my ugw on the 10th of July, a whole month later than I had planned to reach it.

I want to die, I am constantly miserable and everyday I get closer and closer to genuinely just killing myself because I can’t take this. I hate my body and I hate my mind, I hate myself.

Oh my god I binged so hard at that sleepover I feel sickly full, I’m sure I’ve gone straight back up to 53kg.

As of tomorrow I will be fasting until Wednesday, then going back to 400 max a day.

It just hit me that I don’t want recovery, I just want to be happy.

And I know that recovery won’t change anything, eating won’t cure me of my depression so what’s the point. I don’t know how to feel now to be honest, I’ve romanticised getting sick enough to recover for so long because I thought it would bring that happiness but it won’t so now I don’t know what to do. I think that’s why I’ve been so suicidal lately, because I know deep down I’m just gonna be miserable forever no matter what I do so what’s the point in living at all.

Man I took 15+ laxatives last night and it has barely effected me, I fear I have developed a tolerance smh 😔

Does anyone know how many calories are in a small popcorn from event cinemas? I’m getting vastly different answers from different websites

Restricting while having a job is so hard I literally feel like I’m dying and on the verge of passing out and I still gotta go clean an entire department hot and dehydrated as hell in the span of 3 hours 💔💔