Guys I’m Actually So Confused, My Scales Telling Me I Hit 51.3kg But I Swear To God I Don’t Look

I used to love baking before I relapsed, I really miss it. Hopefully one day, if I finally get sick enough to deserve recovery, I can start doing it again.

I just finished having the worst binge episode of my life. I’ve gone from 51.9kg to 56kg in the span of 2 days, consumed more than 10,000 calories, 3k at least in the past hour.

It was so disgusting, I sat on the floor shoving food down my throat, throwing up then continuing eating. It spilled everywhere, ice cream all though my carpet, all through my clothes. I tried to purge it out but nothig came up but drool. I sat in that, the drool, leftover throw up and food for what felt like 30 minutes. My stomach hurts, it looks disgusting and I’ve lost my thigh gap.

I was 2 weeks binge free, and now I’ve gone and messed it all up. I don’t even know what to do. My only plan is to take all my laxatives, walk until my legs give out, and cut myself.

I’m never eating again.

Just weighed myself for the first time since Sunday and apparently I weigh 0.1kg less than I did before I binged. Honestly I think my scale might be broken, or skinny fat has just got me in a crazy chokehold because I look way too fat to be BMI 16.3

GUYS I MADE IT INTO THE BMI 17’S LETS GOOO 💪💪

I bought some sushi impulsively and I want to eat it but I’m not sure how many calories are in it anf honestly I’m not that hungry and I’ve already fasted so far today so why break it now but I also really want the sushi RAHHHHHH

I’m actually losing my mind somebody sedate me

Genuinely debating if I should try and kms tonight to get out of work tmr because I cannot do 6 and a half hours in that hell, if I don’t does anyone else have any ideas?

Update on the sushi situation from last night, I did end up eating it and something else which I deeply regret although if my calculations were right with the sushi I did stay under 500 cals. I hate how easily I gave into desire, I feel like I have no discipline whatsoever. To make up for breaking my fast early I’m going to fast for the entire weekend and maybe Monday, and work out even harder. God I hate myself.

I’m never going to recover, it’s too late now. I’m just gonna be stuck in a binge restrict cycle for the rest of my life, I know it.

Why does the scale say I’m losing weight when I still look like a whale????😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭