My Legs Absolutely Disgust Me.

Ive lost all my thoughts

HUZZAH the laxatives kicked in and it looks like I’m back down to around the 52kg mark give or take. I mean I still look fat as hell and hate myself so much for letting myself gain but the binge episode has passed and I feel more in control, more like myself.

I just finished having the worst binge episode of my life. I’ve gone from 51.9kg to 56kg in the span of 2 days, consumed more than 10,000 calories, 3k at least in the past hour.

It was so disgusting, I sat on the floor shoving food down my throat, throwing up then continuing eating. It spilled everywhere, ice cream all though my carpet, all through my clothes. I tried to purge it out but nothig came up but drool. I sat in that, the drool, leftover throw up and food for what felt like 30 minutes. My stomach hurts, it looks disgusting and I’ve lost my thigh gap.

I was 2 weeks binge free, and now I’ve gone and messed it all up. I don’t even know what to do. My only plan is to take all my laxatives, walk until my legs give out, and cut myself.

I’m never eating again.

I’m so anxious I’m going to wake up having gained or maintained the anticipation is making it impossible to sleep PLEASE LORD I KNOW IM ON MY PERIOD SO IM GOING TO GAIN AND RETAIN WATER WEIGHT SUPER EASILY BUT I NEED TO WAKE UP 53kg PLEASEEE

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Ladies and gentlemen I am absoloutely thrilled to let y’all know I’ve made it back to my pre binge weight CAN I HEAR A ROUND OF APPLAUSE

My tight pants feel a little looser than the last time I wore them, even though my fatass binged last night and now I’m all bloated.

woke up, weighed myself and now I’m 50.7kg/BMI 17.5 MAINTAINING FOR 2 DAYS WAS SO WORTH IT LOWEST WEIGHT HERE I COME

I used to love baking before I relapsed, I really miss it. Hopefully one day, if I finally get sick enough to deserve recovery, I can start doing it again.

Guys I’m actually so confused, my scales telling me I hit 51.3kg but I swear to god I don’t look it like if I look back on body checks where I was a whole kilo heavier I still looked skinnier then. My scales not broken, I put things with a bunch of different weights on it to make sure and it was accurate.

I don’t even know if I should feel happy or not, it feels fake.