Overheard In A Fancy Italian Restaurant:

as it turns out i was the thot experiment

one must imagine sisyphus having a rewarding career

one must imagine sisyphus locking in

fucking this clown so hard that the flower on their lapel squirts

why didn’t jesus just go on ssris?

— my kinsey scale seven friend

pov the manhattan project

sure what's the worst that could happen

i found it agian let’s goooooo

i don’t got that dog in me anymore.

he got put down.

anyway — im probably gonna stay in the weekend to finish up some paperwork and wait for death.

They call me J.R.R Jelqing, on account of me being a big Tolkien fan. Also I can oft be found in my study jelqing just like the old masters.

absolutely electrifying the way spotify started playing gangnam style right as the tesla tried to merge into me in bay area traffic

she WEEEE and my WAAAA until i YAHOO