Yall Gon Think I'm Crazy But I'm Madly In Love, Enough To Learn The Language Of A Country Ive Never Been

Histologia went bad. Like, bad. I've never ever in my life had such a bad grade. Am i surprised? No. But it does feel awful to be so bad at something and not being able to change it before things like these happen.

Semiología is worrying me, i don't feel prepared, I'm not ready for that exam. I am terrified of failing again.

do you ever just wonder how far ahead you’d be in life if you didnt have a mental illness or if your family wasn’t dysfunctional or if that one tragic thing never happened and it just fucks you up??

Is it normal having my brain telling me 24/7 that all the things I do aren't very anorexic?

me: *eats literally anything*

my shitfuck brain: hmm that wasnt very ‘anorexic’ of you :/

Tf is that supposed to mEan likeeeeee ?????????? JUST SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY. We were kissing just now and-

I am not hiding anything. You're now welcome into my world, my vulnerabilities. I'm not trying to hide.

why why wHY

Quarantine will be longer, we'll have to stay 'til May. That means MORE HOMESCHOOLING:( and that means dead.

I'll go play minecraft just to act like I didn't heard of staying another month in my home.

(2:56pm)

I actually feel numb.

I don't know what else to do now, im scared. My girlfriend told me to do everything calmly, that at the end of the day even the most intelligent people repeat courses. But no, they don't. They get to go ahead to practice, while those who couldn't reach the minimum stay behind. And well, I'm staying behind.

I know I've been thru a lot this year. I've had multiple mental breakdowns, i even got admitted because of a psychotic episode. But i'm so low on respecting myself that to me it just looks like excuses to not work. I know i can do it, that if i wanted to, i could reach the stars. But it feels that even if i try and put my best efforts, it's not enough. I'm still behind.

I just wanted to be a doctor, for gods sake. But i should've just shoot lower and become a teacher or linguist. Forget about that dream of becoming a doctor. I don't have the potential, im not as useful as im supposed to be. People don't trust my habilitet, because i haven't shown any to anybody. I'm not a doctor, I'm just some girl who thought she could become one and was wrong. I'm just some girl who spend most of her adolescence studying to get an scholarship but now can't even stay on the same rythm than anybody else. My dreams never became true.

Pls remember to stay safe, you're amazing, keep going💗

I want to be covered in bruises and scars

I want to look like the most damaged person you’ve ever fucking seen