Yall Are Pro Mental Illness Until They Hallucinate

self harming by trying to make your symptoms worse on purpose

The dumbass is back

Hi, I have a 4.4.4 android so in the middle of 2019 tumblr got an update and i couldn't use the app anymore.

I came back in the quarantine just to see chinese learning things¿¿ I don't know.

I got the app because in my searching of an old version of netflix (i can't use new netflix updates too) i thought that I could use tumblr in an old version too so i'm back for now.

School

I hate school shjshdjdh.

I'm in holy week vacation right now, so i'm not having homework to do. But it was difficult to not stress out with a lot of work to do.

It's like- in the time we were going to school we used to learn something in about 3 days in classes like Social studies, spanish (i'm not supposed to call it like that, but because it is our first language we call it "communication and language"¿¿), etc. And they were sending work to do for THE NEXT DAY. I barely remember what I saw the last week. I do remember math, english and science because two were sending explanations for the homework and science,,, just awful, really, really long if we have in mind that it was for the next day.

Before we got in quarantine, they gave us our grades, and I got 69 in science lol (i'm gonna talk about that in another blog) my grades were pretty meh, english was the higher note, and I got an "i" (for insufficient) in attitude, because I had a mental breakdown in front of the principal. She said it was a "trantum", I couldn't breath, for real, I was choking because I was hiperventilating AND SHE WAS JUST YELLING. My mum came to pick me up but I didn't left the school, and everybody thinks it was my fault.

I'm anxious 'cause if quarantine lasts to a longer time, I'll not be able to know what to do about getting in another school I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SCHOOL TO GO, i'm going to hang myself.

Sweetheart

I got a "girlfriend" and she's so sweet:(. We're not officially dating, but i've been waiting two years and she finally admitted that she likes me.

She's so sweet, she listens to me when i'm sad, and she wasn't angry when I was answering late her messages because of school. SHE EVEN ASKS ME TO TRY GO TO SLEEP, 'cause I can't sleep.

I love her so much, I can't even express it. But i'm so insecure, I don't want to make her feel insecure because of MY insecurities:(.

I can't sleep and that's why i'm in tumblr again.

It's currently 4:31am when i'm writing this, i can't sleep AGAIN. School fucked up my sleeping schedule (going to sleep at 9pm when I was going to school). This days i've been falling asleep between 1-3am. I don't know what happened this day but i'll be awake at least at 2pm.

Ah shit here we go again??

I spent 6 months eating like a pig and i'm thinking of purging AGAIN and I fucking hate it. I don't like it, but I feel so bad with my fucking fat body I don't know what to do i'm like-

And that's my update for now (day 25 of quarantine: april 8)

FUCK 10 FOR 5am I'M FUCKED

I'm-

me right now.

victims of abuse be like, this person has now made me cry myself to sleep about 30 times, i have flashbacks of things they’ve done and said to me, they know how to hit me right in my worst insecurity and guilt so i feel horrible for days and months, their comments make me feel worthless and like i shouldn’t even be alive, and being around them makes me feel small and meaningless and sometimes suicidal but maybe that’s just me, maybe they’re not abusive? i have to give them benefit of the doubt, what if i’m not justified to kick them out of my life?

Ay no, que mala persona soy

I feel numb, i can only feel the way my rib cage moves when i breath. I don't know, i dont feel like doing anything at all

if my parents got money everytime they compare me with my brother, or everytime they minimize my problems, or everytime they made me feel less

they would be millionaire, but still wouldn´t buy things to their childs ´cause that´s not necessary 😍😍😍💕💕💕

My dad came back home just to sit in the table i was studyng at, while he was in a videocall talking and getting drunk with his friends, i love my dad so much i went to my bedroom ´cause i can´t even study in my own house without being bothered💗

well, at least i got one exam right !!!

Now it's showtime

Tf is that supposed to mEan likeeeeee ?????????? JUST SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY. We were kissing just now and-

I am not hiding anything. You're now welcome into my world, my vulnerabilities. I'm not trying to hide.

Pls remember to stay safe, you're amazing, keep going💗