One Of The Contractors At Work Drove Past My Shack On A Forklift Yesterday, Stopped, Backed Up To My

One of the contractors at work drove past my shack on a forklift yesterday, stopped, backed up to my window and said, “hey, do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?”

My knee jerk response when asked this, even if it’s by a companionable dude old enough to be my dad, is to go, “uh, nah-” and then ramble uncomfortably until someone stops me-

-which is what I started to do, only to be cut off by Contractor saying, in an embarrassed rush, “some of the guys were asking me because you and I talk sometimes, but I didn’t want them to hit on you at work, so I told them that you Worship the Devil and would Hex them if they tried. I’m sorry.”

Which leaves me wheezing helplessly, trying to get my shit together, because this is honestly one of the nicest, most hysterical things I’ve ever heard someone say to me.

Oblivious to this, Contractor then follows up with, “and they were like ‘forreal??’ so I was like, ‘yeah, she’s probably a sadist, too, you can tell by her jewelry. She’ll stab you or something.’”

And tbh I can’t even come up with anything witty to say in response, so all I manage to choke out is, “pleASE LET THEM CONTINUE TO THINK THAT, I’M BEGGING YOU.”

And Contractor just smiles and is like, “Okay! I just wanted to let you know!” before driving off with his forklift.

Like?? Thank god for Contractor tbh. He’s an angel among men, and I hope the rest of his life is filled with prosperity and happiness and like, that he finds $20 on the ground every week for the rest of his life.

The last Twilight movie comes out this month. It's time for a Robert Pattinson Tumblr roundup!

I think we should all celebrate by taking a moment to appreciate Robert Pattinson’s attitude and I’m laughing so much right now.

JUST ALL THAT HE IS.

I mean

LOOK

The Last Twilight Movie Comes Out This Month. It's Time For A Robert Pattinson Tumblr Roundup!

Robert Pattinson’s ‘Twilight’ commentary.

I just

I’m going to miss this

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intentionallyuninvited

6 years ago

‘I Take Issue’ Project- Wrote My First Graphic Novelette! Not Something I’d Normally Say, But I’m

‘I Take Issue’ project- wrote my first graphic novelette! Not something I’d normally say, but I’m super proud of this.

(please excuse the weird layout, it’s formatted for printing rather than internet)

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6 years ago

Every word that starts with an N should have a silent G in front. Gnorway. Gnuclear. Gnervous system. Gnipples.

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5 years ago

what the FUCK?!??????

what the fuck is sheep yogurt?????

what part of the sheep goes in the yogurt?????

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intentionallyuninvited

6 years ago

I had to spend $300 on a new car key because I left them in an Uber and the driver refuses to return them for some reason. I’m going back to Lyft. It’s more expensive in the moment, but the $3 more I would’ve spent on a Lyft was $296 less than what I ended up spending on the uber that still won’t return my property.

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intentionallyuninvited

5 years ago

i couldn’t imagine sharing these