Idontlikethisaccount - Not Bueno

happy new years everyone

I lost 30 braincells painting this with nail polish

It was worth it

Happy New Years, heres a contribution

I had a brain smart

What a guy actually means when he says he's bouta take a nap:

N - naturally

A - ascending

P - penor

LET'S MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING MAPS

YOU NEED

A BIG SHEET OF PAPER & A PENCIL

SOME MOTHER FUCKING MACCARONI (MAKE SURE THEY’RE DRY BRO DON’T WANT NO STICKY-ICKY MAP)

AIGHT THAT SHIT DON’T LOOK LIKE NO COUNTRY I KNOW (EXCEPT MAYBE AUSTRALIA FUCK THEM THOUGH)

ORGANIZE YOUR MACCARONI! MAKE SOME FUCKING COASTLINES!

BETTER, BUT NOT FUCKING GOOD! WHATEVER, TRACE THE COASTLINE WITH YOUR PENCIL. BE SURE TO BE SLIGHTLY SQUIGGLY AND, OH, FUCK THOSE LITTLE ISLANDS YOU MADE THEY’RE NOT BIG ENOUGH TO BE WOBBLY ENOUGH SO YOU’RE BETTER OFF USING EITHER RICE (OR SIMILAR) OR JUST TRY TO MAKE SOME REALISTIC FUCKING ISLANDS (SPOILER: YOU WON’T)

GOOD ENOUGH I GUESS WHATEVER LOOK AT THAT VAGUE SORT OF ISLAND/COUNTRY/CONTINENT SHAPED PIECE OF SHIT. SEE THE ISLANDS? I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO DAWG.

NOW TAKE A SHARPIE AND MAKE EVEN SQUIGGLIER FUCKING LINES AS YOU FILL IN YOUR ISOUNINENT

LOOK AT THIS WONDERFUL PIECE OF SHIT IT TOOK ME LITERALLY TEN MINUTES TO MAKE TOPS AND NOW YOU JUST NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHERE TO PUT ALL YOUR DWARF-FUCKING ELVES AND LIZARD-PEOPLE WITH BOOBS

FUCKING GOOD JOB

Never cross an American Girl doll. We do not forget.

Did anyone else experience this? Tell me if I'm not alone

Okay so when I was 7-8, I saved up enough money to buy a custom American girl named Tia. Mostly bc my mom wanted to sew doll clothes, and so did I. Also because I was still in a cutesy, girly phase.

Not too long after, we start getting random letters in the mail from someone. She said her name was Jett, and she was Tia's older sister. She hadn't been bought yet, and she was touring the US as like, a traveling store or something.

It was so weird. It was like Toys logic, except some people were allowed to see them? Most of the letters I got were actually kind of horrific now that I'm reading some. In this one a guy named Bruce holds Jett over an alligator, so they sneak out and just wreck his boat. In another one one of the dolls wanders out into the night (I think that was Yellowstone) and doesn't ever come back.

But like, she bought legitimate things too? The t-rex tooth was from La Brea tar pits. There was probably more, but I haven't found them yet.

It stopped after a bit, so I guess she was bought. But was this normal? Was that a random guy from the factory who stumbled on our address, or did I have a random sugar sister? Was it actually the dolls?!?

Y'all just know that feeling?

Happy New Year

I don't like being a decade older

Me, unable to read glitter: oh yeah we gettin STASSY TONIGHT