Due To My Lack Of Post Today, Have Some Soft Batfam Headcanons

Due to my lack of post today, have some soft Batfam Headcanons

Some of these are mine, others I found

- All the kids have (and will) hide under Bruce’s cape. (Bonus if its everyone at the same time and Bruce is trying hard not to trip over an unseen arm or leg)

- Bruce is like a statue when standing. All the young Robins have taken to climbing him for various reasons (boredom, to get his attention, fear of a spider, ect)

- Jason is a culinary artist. Dick will burn cereal (god help him)

- Damian is four foot nothing and his two older brothers abuse the fact that they can pick him up or toss him onto a couch way too easily

- No one (NO ONE) can sneak up on Alfred. Its impossible. All the Bats have tried, and all have failed.

- Even though only the youngest kids live at the manor, every member of the Batfam has their own room with various belongings in case they need to crash. (Jason took the locks off the windows of his room so he sleeps at the manor way more than anyone realizes. Alfred knows, but says nothing)

- The Bats all have each other’s backs at ALL times. You can’t blindside one Bat because another one is already punching you.

- They take bullets for each other and then argue about it.

- You do not try and wake a Batkid. Don’t. Just don’t. I don’t care how peaceful they look. If you put a hand on them, you will be punched. (Bruce has suffered many bruises because of this). Daddybats is the only one who doesn’t because he can’t risk hitting one of his kids who comes into his room after a nightmare.

- Diana Prince is named Godmother to all the Batchildren in Bruce’s will. Alfred (of course) and Clark are both named Godfather.

- Stephanie runs an anonymous Snapchat for the vigilantes of Gotham. It involves lots of candid videos of Nightwing dancing and other Batkids falling asleep. The Snapchat is followed by almost every citizen of Gotham.

- Jason has been caught several times in public with his siblings by the paparazzi. So they decided he was a “bodyguard” for the Waynes. Of course, his appearance set off several conspiracy theories about Jason Todd’s untimely death, but he looks so much older now no one can be sure.

- Half of Damian’s closet is Dick’s clothes. T-shirts, sweaters, even most of Dick’s old clothes from when he was Damian’s age. One time, Damian took one of Jason’s sweatshirts by mistake. Everyone was too surprised to say anything and Damian was too stubborn to admit his fault. So Jason let him keep it.

- The other Bat guilty of stealing clothes is Cass. She regularly wears her brothers’ clothes, resulting in outfits with Dick’s shirt, Jason’s jacket, Tim’s sneakers and Damian’s scarf. (They think she does it to establish dominance, but she genuinely likes the way all the clothes combine to smell like home)

- Damian snacks constantly, even more than Dick. He’s a growing boy who burns off almost every calorie every night, so he’s eating a hole through Alfred’s pantry. Junk food used to make him sick, but he’s since gotten used to chips and cheese puffs and HOARDS them.

- Jason and Dick are HUGE. Both of them. Dick is 6'0" and though he is more on the slender side, he’s still hella built. Jason is taller by three inches, and much thicker (very much a tank). They unintentionally combine to make a very intimidating presence.

- All the batgirls have muscles that no one would BELIEVE. I’m talking full abs and bicep action. You can’t be skinny trying to throw someone twice your weight.

- Jason (like Bruce) is a softie when it comes to kids. His niece asks to paint his nails neon pink? Knock yourself out kiddo. On the other hand, Tim has no clue how to handle children. He was once left to babysit a kidnapped child while the police showed up and tried making conversation with the two year old about physics (it didn’t work out)

- Bruce has an open door policy for every young hero. No explanation needed. Just ask to stay the night and Alfred will have a bed ready for you in 20 mins.

- Damian and Duke binge watch Disney movies together and Dami will sing along if he’s sleepy.

- Barbara will roll her wheelchair over another sibling’s foot if they piss her off (she makes sure they’re not wearing shoes to ensure maximum damage)

(Sorry for the long post :3 feel free to add your own!)

- Cas

Tags

batfamily

PSA

So I’m planning on making this my personal own blog soon so all dc content will remain here but new stuff is in a new blog or page. (However this thing works)

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fish-fish-fish

5 years ago

Renee: Hey Dick, my favorite older brother who I love very much and-

Dick: You’re calling me at three am. What do you want?

Renee: Actually I need you to bail me out of GCPD.

Dick: sure

Dick:

Dick: WAIT! WHAT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN GCPD! OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED! *incoherant screaming*

Renee: *click*

Tim: Told you he would be like that.

*turning to officer*

Renee: Can I call someone else to bail me out?

Later

Renee: You’re here!

Dick: why are you in a holding cell in GCPD?

Renee: ask the idiot in the next cell over *glares harshly at random guy*

Random guy: Don’t piss her off. She’s fucking terrifying.

Tim: You don’t know the half of it. We LIVE with her.

Tags

oc dick grayson tim drake gotham renee grayson

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fish-fish-fish

5 years ago

Young Justice Things: The team and swearing/Crude humor

Okay this is not a new thing, they’re teenagers I don’t know many teenagers who don’t swear. These kids are no exception. They swear and use the dirtiest humor possible. -Imagine the mind link -Something goes wrong and it’s just like all of them: “fuckfuckfuckFUCKFUCK” -Conner and M’gann sometimes forget their teammates can hear them and say something dirty over the mind link -M’gann: I might need a massage later babe ;) ;) ;) -Wally: WE LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS IN THIS MIND LINK -Artemis has the worst mouth/dirty mind out of any of them -Imagine the fights with Wally, they would get so out of hand so quick. -Artemis: FUCKING FUCK THIS SHIT -Wally: you kiss your mother with that mouth? -Artemis: yeah and if you talk shit again I literally will go fuck yours right in front of you, then have her make me a sandwich. -Wally: LEAVE MY MOM OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKING HARPY -Wally does the title of your sex tape jokes like from Brooklyn 99 -Artemis: Wow I finished so fast -Wally: TITLE OF YOUR SEX TAPE -Tbh I feel like Wally uses the “fuck me gently with a chainsaw” quote from heathers. -Conner kind of a child but being around the team taught him swearing and crude humor, he’s neck and neck with Artemis for foul mouths. -Conner: Wally! Artemis! I swear you two just need to fuck and get it over with. -Artemis: GROSS NO I’D RATHER DIE -Conner: Do I have to remind you that he can vibrate? -Wally: DUDE HOW ABOUT WE FUCKING NOT? -M’gann, sweet sweet M’gann swears like a sailor. The first time she swore in front of any of them two league members were present. -M’gann: Listen I don’t know who the fuck you think- -Black Canary: M’gann! -M’gann: What? -Black Canary: You shouldn’t say that! -M’gann: What? Fuck? -Batman is all “who taught her that?” All of them are like “honestly who didn’t teach her??” -Kaldur has a habit of saying whatever three swears come to his mind, especially when something goes wrong in a mission. -Kaldur: *over the mind link* FUCK SHIT COCK -Robin combines swear words because he’s fucking Robin -Robin: *after he’s been hurt on a mission*: That hurt like a motherbitch and I hope that guy suffers in prison! -He’s also the king of that’s what she said jokes and the team is done with him -Artemis: this is too big it’s not gonna fit -Robin: That’s what she said -Artemis: NOT TO YOU BIRD BOY SHUT THE FUCK UP -Zatanna swears so casually that she always slips up in front of league members. -Zatanna: *Walking in to a room* WHAT’S UP FUCKERS? -Batman: …Zatanna language -Zatanna: I didn’t know you were here shit I mean damn! I MEAN- -Black Canary gets a swear jar for the cave -Their reactions were to put twenties in the jar then start blasting swear words -The jar was taken away a week later

Tags

young justice

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fish-fish-fish

2 years ago

House sitting for someone who practically lives in the woods and I have never been more entertained than now just swinging on their rope swing.

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fish-fish-fish

4 years ago

There’s been a kitten on my chest for over an hour and I seriously can’t move without waking her. If this is how I go then do be it.

Tags

shitpost

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fish-fish-fish

4 years ago

Totally not DC related but I found this guy yesterday. A friend took him home and they’re doing good. Not even 2 weeks old yet we have claimed ownership and responsibility over them.

Raymond the grill mouse

Hope he'll be okay!

Tags

shitpost

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fish-fish-fish

5 years ago

You can't prove anything

Try me bitch.

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fish-fish-fish

2 years ago

Anyone got good advice for a cat who goes after the carpet by your door at 5am and wakes you up to be fed? I’ve tried oil and spray but those proved ineffective for repellent and ignoring cat only makes damage to carpet worse. I just want to sleep in without waking up to a cats needs of being fed at 5am instead of maybe 8 or 9am. She can’t sleep in my room due to mom having allergic reaction to cats and so I keep more cat hair off keeping her out.

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fish-fish-fish

5 years ago

Justice League Meeting

Superman: where's Batman? The meeting was supposed to start 20 minutes ago.

Wonderwoman: could he be in danger?

Green Arrow: someone maybe should call him BEFORE we go into defcon 1

Superman: [calls the bat-line]

Oracle: [answers] this is O. How can I help?

Superman: Hi Oracle. Batman was supposed to be at the tower 20 minutes ago. Do you know where he is?

Oracle: let me check... yeah, he's at the cave, I can connect you to the security cameras?

Superman: Please.

Oracle: ok.

-The batcave shows up on screen, Bruce and some of the kids present-

Batman: [Mid sentence] -OUTRAGEOUS STUNT!!

Damian: [scowling, arms crossed] -tt-

Batman: Do NOT scoff at me, young man!

Jason: [snorts]

Batman: Are you Laughing?! This is reckless even by YOUR standards Jason!

Jason: yeah... but you said-

Batman: [menacing] What?!

Jason: [looks at Dick and mimes "young man"]

Batman: Don't look at-

Dick: [loudly and jovially] THERE'S NO NEED TO FEEL DOWN

Batman: Wh-

Steph: I said YOUNG MAN [spins to point at Tim]

Tim: [Fingerguns at Steph] Pick yourself off the ground!

Batman: [floundering] En-

Dick: I said YOUNG MAN

Jason: 'Cause you're in a new town!

Duke: [from the locker rooms] There's no need to be unhappy!

Batman: [to Duke] You're not even in trouble!

Steph and Tim: YOUNG MAN there's a place you can go!

Dick: [throws an arm around Jason's shoulders] I said YOUNG MAN! When you're short on your dough!

Jason: You can STAY THERE!

Batman: That's EN-

Dick and Jason: [turn to Damian, grinning expectantly] and I'm sure you will find-!!

Damian: [glaring and without enthusiasm] ...many ways to have a good time.

Batman: Don't-

All the batkids: [chorusing] It's fun to stay at the B-A-T CAVE

Batman: [finally loses it] WHY???!!

Superman: ...

Green Arrow: ...well someone has to say it.

The Flash: That he should get an award for parenting that lot?

Green Arrow: that clearly inherited behaviour has nothing to do with genetics. I grew up with Bruce Wayne; he deserves every second of this

Tags

batfam batman red hood dick grayson damian wayne bruce wayne tim drake red robin jason todd robin barbara gordon batgirl nightwing stephanie brown duke thomas signal batkids drake oracle

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fish-fish-fish

3 years ago

Life is “great” when you’re having a productive day then your power steering goes out on your new car. I’ve only had her for 2 weeks 🥺

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