LAFFY TAFFY JOKE I FIXED

I’m gonna start taxing my siblings if they keep eating my stuff. You eat half then you pay half. Pay me my $2 for the bagel bites you stole from me bitch. I told you last night to not touch them at all.

Totally not DC related but I found this guy yesterday. A friend took him home and they’re doing good. Not even 2 weeks old yet we have claimed ownership and responsibility over them.

Raymond the grill mouse

Hope he'll be okay!

Renee: Hey Jason come look at this!

Jason: *walks over* whatcha got there

Renee: *turns around with snake in her hands*

Jason: *stumbling backwards and running* JESUS! DICK YA SISTER’S A WITCH!!

Renee: *running after Jason with snake in her hands* AT LEAST SAY HELLO TO MR. SNEK!!!!

Justice League Meeting

Superman: where's Batman? The meeting was supposed to start 20 minutes ago.

Wonderwoman: could he be in danger?

Green Arrow: someone maybe should call him BEFORE we go into defcon 1

Superman: [calls the bat-line]

Oracle: [answers] this is O. How can I help?

Superman: Hi Oracle. Batman was supposed to be at the tower 20 minutes ago. Do you know where he is?

Oracle: let me check... yeah, he's at the cave, I can connect you to the security cameras?

Superman: Please.

Oracle: ok.

-The batcave shows up on screen, Bruce and some of the kids present-

Batman: [Mid sentence] -OUTRAGEOUS STUNT!!

Damian: [scowling, arms crossed] -tt-

Batman: Do NOT scoff at me, young man!

Jason: [snorts]

Batman: Are you Laughing?! This is reckless even by YOUR standards Jason!

Jason: yeah... but you said-

Batman: [menacing] What?!

Jason: [looks at Dick and mimes "young man"]

Batman: Don't look at-

Dick: [loudly and jovially] THERE'S NO NEED TO FEEL DOWN

Batman: Wh-

Steph: I said YOUNG MAN [spins to point at Tim]

Tim: [Fingerguns at Steph] Pick yourself off the ground!

Batman: [floundering] En-

Dick: I said YOUNG MAN

Jason: 'Cause you're in a new town!

Duke: [from the locker rooms] There's no need to be unhappy!

Batman: [to Duke] You're not even in trouble!

Steph and Tim: YOUNG MAN there's a place you can go!

Dick: [throws an arm around Jason's shoulders] I said YOUNG MAN! When you're short on your dough!

Jason: You can STAY THERE!

Batman: That's EN-

Dick and Jason: [turn to Damian, grinning expectantly] and I'm sure you will find-!!

Damian: [glaring and without enthusiasm] ...many ways to have a good time.

Batman: Don't-

All the batkids: [chorusing] It's fun to stay at the B-A-T CAVE

Batman: [finally loses it] WHY???!!

-

Superman: ...

Green Arrow: ...well someone has to say it.

The Flash: That he should get an award for parenting that lot?

Green Arrow: that clearly inherited behaviour has nothing to do with genetics. I grew up with Bruce Wayne; he deserves every second of this

Update. It’s done. I went into a nap and I’m still tired. I also want McDonald fried.

Let’s see how I do when I get three wisdom teeth removed tomorrow. aaaaaahhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha. I’m excited and nervous.

Bart: I dumped a bunch of butter and cinnamon and sugar onto bread then toasted it and ate giant Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Bart: Tim almost set off the smoke alarm tho when his fell into the bottom of the toaster and we couldn't get it out lmao!

You can't prove anything

Try me bitch.

There are Monsters in the Dark

[Bruce waking up to Jason looming over him]

Bruce, bleary eyed: Jason? Why- why are you watching me sleep?

Jason: I need your help.

Bruce, groaning: What did you do?

Jason: Excuse you, I did nothing but be my perfect angel self.

Bruce, deadpan: Ah yes, angel and Jason. Two words that are basically synonymous. Well then, my angel child, I'm sure this can wait till tomorrow after I have had at least 3 hours of sleep.

Jason: It actually can't, because there is currently a monster residing under my bed.

Bruce:

Bruce, blinking slowly: Jason, you are 22. There isn't a monster under your bed.

Jason: Oh, silly me, let me just inform the MONSTER under MY BED that there is apparently an age limit on that sort of behavior.

Bruce: You can't be serious, Jay.

Jason: Deadly. Much like the monster under my bed. And as my dad it is your job to get rid of it.

Bruce: *Getting up and angrily putting his robe on* Alfred help you, Jason, if you woke me up at 4 am to kill a spider.

Jason: Firstly, it's not a spider, Bruce. And secondly, there is no need to invoke the name of our lord and savior, Alfred Pennyworth.

Bruce: *rolling his eyes*

[Bruce getting on his knees to check under the bed]

Bruce: See, there's no- F*CK! *Bruce slamming his head against the bed-frame upon seeing Tim dressed as the Joker under the bed*

Jason, laughing hysterically: Oh my god, I should have filmed that.

Bruce, wide-eyed looking at Jason: What is wrong with you?

Jason: So, so many things. But this right here, was genius.

Bruce: Tim! Get out from under the bed, now!

Tim: *Crawling out from under the bed* Sorry, Bruce. But that was pretty funny.

Bruce: No! It wasn't! That is the most horrifying sh*t you two have ever pulled!

Tim: What about that time in-

Bruce: And yes. I am including the incident in Shanghai.

*Tim and Jason grinning and high-fiving*

Bruce: No! No high-fiving! This is not a high-fiving moment! I could have seriously injured, Tim.

Tim, snorting: When? After or before you screamed and hit your head against the bed?

Bruce: *Unimpressed bat-glare*

Bruce: I'm returning you both.

Jason: Sorry, there's a no return policy on broken orphans.

Tim: *snorting and high-fiving Jason again*

Bruce: Stop high-fiving! This is serious!

Jason: Yeah, yeah, Old Man. Save the lecture. We're on a time crunch, we still have to dress Timbers up as Ra's and hide him in the Demon Brats closet.

Bruce:

Bruce: Why are you two like this?

Jason, shrugging: Blame it on the childhood trauma.

[Tim and Jason walking out of the room]

Bruce: Alcohol. I need Alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

I’d like to thank quizlet for saving me this semester!

We BOTH supposed to be doing homework right now, quit liking my posts I'm not supposed to be making jfsfjzsfs

But considering I just woke up about 10 mins ago and my phone updated so I had to set stuff up I think were both in the same spot.