I’d Like To Thank Quizlet For Saving Me This Semester!

It's bed o clock, you best be sleeping

OwO

I know who you are and I’m coming for your kneecaps.

One day, Cass is poking around online and she gets a targeted ad for this costume:

So she buys it, because of course she does. Once she receives it in the mail, she puts it on, sneaks into Bruce’s bedroom and wedges herself in the top corner of his ceiling above his bed. Then she waits.

anyway, this is the story of how Bruce fainted and smacked his head on a nightstand—

Jason Todd in Death in the Family - Interactive movie

Jason: It’s 2019 why can’t I delete people in real life?

Later

Jason: Ok. So it turns out what I was thinking of is called murder.

Stephanie: Yoink is the opposite of yeet.

Jason: But it’s just as fast.

Tim: The lord yeetith and he yoinketh away.

Bruce: I think I’m having a stroke.

I’m gonna start taxing my siblings if they keep eating my stuff. You eat half then you pay half. Pay me my $2 for the bagel bites you stole from me bitch. I told you last night to not touch them at all.

I’m not gonna die just yet. I have plans.

A guide to working the night shift

Check it there is going to be a full moon. If there is not, go in as normal. You will be okay.

If there will be a full moon, it is essential to follow this guide.

Get lots of sleep the day before.

Bring a fully charged phone, snacks, and water. Do not bring any flavored drink. The spirits will turn it to water, anyway.

About an hour before work, drive to your nearest Church. Do not walk or take the bus. If you must, ignore anyone who tries to talk to you on the way. They will be spirits trying to learn more about you.

Enter the Church and put some holy water on your hand. This will not do particularly anything, but it is nice to have some reassurance.

If there is an old man in the pews, ask him for his greatest piece of advice. If he ignores you, and he will, ask him again. He will tell you to be careful at work tonight. Make sure to thank him for his time, he will appreciate your manners.

Drive to work. Be a bit early, the spirits will not expect you to be early.

If you know your co-worker(s) well, ask them for gum. If they give you mint, back away slowly and continue working as normal. They are a spirit in disguise. Any other flavor, tell them to leave early. Do not take no for an answer.

If you do not know your co-worker(s) well, do not get too attached. They will be dead before 11pm. Do not feel guilty, there is nothing you can do.

Keep an eye on the clock. Do not walk or talk loudly, it can hear you. Do not wonder about what “it” is, you wouldn’t be able to fathom it anyway.

Once the clock hits 11 pm, the lights will go off. Do not worry, they will go back on soon.

When they come back on, your co-workers will be gone. Do not cry. The spirits will not pity you. There will be 3 customers left. 2 are spirits, one is real. You should help the real customer escape, he will give you something you need. However, you cannot leave with them. It will not allow you to.

Approach the first customer. Ask him if he needs any help. Slowly tap your foot while talking with them. If they cover their ears, apologize. They are a spirit. Spirits hate foot tapping. They will not hurt you, at least for now. Repeat until you find the real customer.

Tell the real customer that Bob sent you. He will know what you mean. He will begin to exit the store with his items in hand, unpaid for. Remind him that he must pay. He will glance at you, then begin walking out again. Do not worry, he will have paid you. You will find out what he gave you soon.

Now, you will be alone with the two spirit customers. Relax for a little bit, the worst is yet to come. Drink your water, but not too much. You don’t know what the spirits could have put in there.

Once the clock hits midnight, the lights will shut off again. Except this time they will not come back on. Leave the register, go to the back of the store. You will see a bottle of water that is upside down. Take it and drink it, for that is not water. You will be able to see better now.

Items from the shelves will begin to fall over. Pick them back up. You are, after all, working the night shift. If items from the fridges begin to fall, the spirits are extra angry. You must have wronged them. I told you to follow the guide exactly. I am sorry. Death is not what you should fear. What will happen to you is much worse than death.

If the fridges stay intact, you are safe for now. Do not talk or yell. Do not bother calling the police. Call your mom. Mother knows best. She will pick up. Although, it will not be your mom. Nevertheless, listen to her. She will tell you how to contact the spirits. I cannot share that information with you.

Use her instructions and contact the spirits. Ask them to spare you. They will say no. That is expected.

Spirits do not spare people willingly. They take trades, however. It is not easy to trade with a spirit. They only accept souls. People are only born with one soul, their own.

Put your hand in your right pocket. You will feel something indescribable. Do not pull it out. It is what the real customer paid you with, a soul. Do not feel bad, he has many.

Contact the spirits using the method from before. If you do not remember how there is nothing you can do. I am sorry. Your fate is sealed.

Tell the spirits you have a trade. Take the soul out of your pocket, and hold it up above your head. You will feel your legs begin to weaken. You will fall to your knees, and eventually you will pass out. You will wake up with the soul gone and the lights back on. Continue working as normal, the spirits have spared you.

Do not speak of this event to anyone, the spirits will not take kindly to that. They will appreciate your silence. Make sure to call your mom and thank her. She will not have any idea what you are talking about, but she will appreciate the gesture.

More guides

A Guide to Keeping your Heart Soft

How to enter your subconscious

If you are a researcher or adventurer and want to share a guide, join our subreddit!

Batfamily car trip headcannons

Car trips are absolutely hilarious with the Wayne family.

Split into two cars; the quiet one and the rowdy one.

Quiet one consists of Alfred, Bruce, Damian, Cass, Barbara & Tim, generally.

Usually has the most people in it.

Anything to get away from possibly ending up in the other one.

Will end up getting outside fifteen mins early to guarantee this.

Rowdy car is Jason driving, Dick, Steph, Duke and once, Tim

First time Tim was very unwilling, Steph dragged him to that car so, whoop that looked like where he staying.

Biggest mistake of his life.

Bass music came on instantly, all the windows down and shouting-singing that was more like screaming.

Hadn’t even left Wayne Manor yet.

Tim made frantic throat slitting motions out the widow which Damian recorded whilst laughing.

A drink had already been spilt on him.

Cass felt sorry for Tim, who was squashed in the middle between Steph and Duke who were both singing off kilter.

Damian vlogged it all.

Tim becomes an even bigger meme as he looked like he was living a nightmare.

Duke also looked a bit scarred, it was his first car trip, he wasn’t used to all the noise...the constant noise.

Honestly? Probably his last in the rowdy car.

Bruce was going to have to buy a bigger truck to hold everyone, because no one wanted to go with Dick, Jason and Steph.

Rowdy car sung ‘I want it that way’ by backstreet boys four times in a row.

Dick looked like he was having the time of his life, Jason thought the whole thing was hilarious, Tim looked like he’d just landed on a different planet.

He never, ever wanted to go in that car ever again.

Give him Bruce’s quiet, air conditioned and leather interior car any day over Jason’s beat up car with suspicious stains on.

The next time Tim got there early, super early.

Damian had to go in the other car.

Well, that didn’t end well.

Drove past them at one point, surprisingly the car was silent, no flailing arms or vibrating beats.

Damian was smirking out the window, waving a freshly ripped AUX cord around.

Dick looked heartbroken until Jason turned the radio on.

They heard Damian’s screams even with all the windows closed.

Totally not DC related but I found this guy yesterday. A friend took him home and they’re doing good. Not even 2 weeks old yet we have claimed ownership and responsibility over them.

Raymond the grill mouse

Hope he'll be okay!