What Can I Do For You..

Sponge.

I try to cry. I can’t. So used to not letting the tears flow, Holding them back. Conditioning learned from a young age. Well, at least I’m successful at something.

I try to cry. I can’t. A few tears seep out of my eyes… Then the feeling fades away. My brain, it feels like a sponge–

Full of dirty dish water. Try to wring it out. Then it fights back harder. One day, I will no longer feel This deep pain and sorrow.

If love is supposed to heal, how come yours made me numb?

How does it feel

To be alone in a mourning

Amongst the crowd of people

Singing and dancing

How does it feel

To be not be able to scream

While your heart is being sliced

In thousand little bits

How does it feel

To be burning in a sea

And concealing the scars

Behind a polite smile

How does it feel

To finally realise

How insignificant

Your life truly is

How does it feel

Wanting to be erased

From everyone's mind

While craving the attention

At the same fucking time

I thought we have left that in the past

But clearly I was wrong;

I thought you were done breaking my heart

But clearly I was wrong;

I thought you are starting to understand

But again, I was wrong.

It's all a lie

They tell you that the world is round,

That what you give, also comes around.

Then, why was I given deceit,

When I offered my trust?

Why, after all the secrets I shared,

You left me defenceless and bared.

So, tell me universe,

Was it all a lie?

They say time heals all wounds,

But mine gets sore with every ticking sound.

For once in my life,

I lowered the fences guarding my heart.

You smiled at me,

I thought, I already got the world.

But then you slashed me open,

Just to see what colour I bleed,

Did you ever stop to wonder,

how I would feel?

They say it's better to have loved and lost,

Than never to have loved at all.

And forgive me universe for I don't believe you,

As it changed my notion of life leaving it askew.

Before I used to see the beauty of starry sky,

Now all I see is the swarming darkness.

As it left me stuck in a time,

the world long since forgot.

As it left me Stranded on a road,

people no longer venture.

So, forgive me universe for saying this,

but love is nothing but an illusion,

like the beauty of the ocean,

as it lures the guileless heart,

only to steal it's breath.

You showed me the sky

You showed me the stars

You showed me the boundless universe

And it's endless possibilities

You told me there is a world

Beyond everything I've known

Tales of wonder

And lands of dreams..

And when I gathered my wings

Ready to take the flight

You told me, you don't want me to fly?

Evil Place Called Mind

I stare into the void,

Lost in my head.

I scream from inside,

I beg for help.

It's an bottomless abyss,

An endless maze.

As the tendrils of evil thoughts,

Drags me down,

Deeper and deeper,

To some dark unknown place.

I look at the sky,

Grasping the hanging roots of sanity,

I pray to God,

For some semblance of reality.

But the sky still remains dark,

As it throws back my plea,

As if saying I'm not worthy enough,

For the life given to me.

I lose my grip on sanity,

Losing all hope,

As a firm tendril yanks me down,

Trapping me somewhere I can't get out of.

It's the evil place called my mind.

It doesn't matter how hard you try.

You glue them together or tie them in a knot or hold onto them for dear life;

There'll be always something that's left behind; that becomes the ghost of the past.

I feel like that ghost sometimes, desperately gasping for that one breath of life.

Before you

I was terrified of this world

looking at those Shadows

Spreading on this earth

You tilted my head upward

showed me the stars

And I stopped shuddering in the dark

You told me

any of them could be mine

The thought made me smile

I wandered around at nights

Looking for that tiny light

That would feel just right

Just mine

And I finally found it

Not up above, in the skies

But around me

Among the fireflies.

Unlikeable

There's a girl in my class

Bright eyes and golden skin

Everyone loved her

But she's not me

Though I didn't desire her spotlight

But I too wanted to be liked

So I wove a new skin

With golden threads of lies

I wore it everywhere

Hiding me from myself

I smiled a little more

Talked a little less

I put up a good front

Yet it wasn't enough

underneath the fake skin

I couldn't hide the real me

It was so exhausting

“I gave up”

But I still can't figure out

How to be likeable