It's All A Lie

Hopes

Are like dust

I try to stay away

Not to let it fog my mind

But they still cling to me

I try to get rid of it,

Every

Last

Particle

But the next day

I end up with more of them

Sprayed in my eyes.

Evanescence

Why does it matter that

I leave my footprints in the sand

If it can't even survive a wave of sea water...

Why does it matter that,

I leave the traces of my being

If one day,

It's going to be blown by the wind...

Why does it matter that

I inscribe my name

On a rock at the peak of that mountain

If one day,

it's going to fade with the inexorable rain...

Why does it matter that

I mark my space in the minds of others

When the memories you hold

Are not even loyal to you...

Why does it matter

That I make myself

A little more significant than others

If everything in this world

Evanesces with time anyway...

It doesn't matter how hard you try.

You glue them together or tie them in a knot or hold onto them for dear life;

There'll be always something that's left behind; that becomes the ghost of the past.

I feel like that ghost sometimes, desperately gasping for that one breath of life.

Sponge.

I try to cry. I can’t. So used to not letting the tears flow, Holding them back. Conditioning learned from a young age. Well, at least I’m successful at something.

I try to cry. I can’t. A few tears seep out of my eyes… Then the feeling fades away. My brain, it feels like a sponge–

Full of dirty dish water. Try to wring it out. Then it fights back harder. One day, I will no longer feel This deep pain and sorrow.

You are right my lady

I'm no one's judge or jury

I lack a heart to know your beauty

Nor am I a commander of truth

What do I say; what do I do?

When I'm just your eyes

Reflected back at you.

Mirror, mirror on the wall;

Save your breath, save your words;

What makes you my judge and jury;

You see an image, not my beauty.

Whoever says mirrors don't lie,

When your very reflection is inverted.

To you,

I was your shadow

Always following you

In stormy nights

In grainy lights

Even in your darkest hours

When you were too immersed

In your own darkness to see me.

I was your air

Essence of your life

But unnoticed

Until the day I left

And you realised

What suffocation is.

I was your sun

You frowned

Whenever you looked at me

Hid yourself

In my presence

But you didn't realise

Without me

No dawn is coming.

Those moments when...

I've learned to live alone

And loneliness doesn't get to me anymore,

Except in those moments....

When I wake up in the middle of the night

And find the space on my right

Empty and cold...

When I'm going to work

And on the way pass the abandoned factory

Where we used to sneak up as kids...

When I'm frustrated at the world

Or confused what to do

And my first thought is to call you....

When I'm laughing hysterically

And I suddenly stop the moment

Because you're not here to share it with me...

When people tell me their plans for the night

And I think about my home

And the silence waiting there to greet me....

When I'm lost in my thoughts

And subconsciously call out your name

And no one is there to answer me back.....

When I see a shooting star

And I wonder in silence

If you're still wishing on them

Or have you stopped believing in wishes?

*****

( Hindi alert)

Akele rehna sikh liya maine,

Ab to tanhai se bhi ek rishta sa ban gaya hai.

Shibaye un lamhon main....

Jab adhi raat ko aankh khul jati hai

Aur tumhare jagah suni bistar meelti hai

Jab baton hi baton main tumhari yaad aa jati hai

Aur tumhare na hona ka ehsas chubhne lagta hai

Jab anjane main ye lab tumhare naam le lete hain

Aur jabab main inhen sirf sannata hi milta hai

Jab koi sabal pareshan karta hai

Aur jabab main tumhara naam yaad ata hai

Jab mandir main kabhi dua mangne jati hun

Aur har dua main tumhara hi naam hota hai

Aur jab kabhi bhi asman main

Ek toota hua tara dikhta hai

Main sochti hu,

Dunia ki kisi kone main

Kahin tum bhi ise dekhkar

Mujhe yaad to nahi karte?

Kya tum mujhe yaad karte bhi ho?

Alive

I felt each breath seeping into my lungs.

I felt each ray of sunshine that touched my skin.

I felt every gust of wind that blew past me.

I felt all those emotions hidden in my heart.

The sorrows, the love, the dreams and the hope.

I felt the time that ticked by and I didn't care.

I felt my heart beating to it's own rhythm.

I felt the silence telling me something.

Telling me that I'm alive.

And I believed it.

Born again

It's been two decades since I was born

With everyday asking myself 'what for?'

With everyday looking up to a stone idol

Expecting answer to the one question I can't utter...

It's been one decade since the realization struck

That all those pleas and questions I sent

Was received by a room full of nothingness

And even if some soul lingers in that darkness

He doesn't care about a girl with a cruel fate...

That whenever I looked up at the sky

With the hope in my heart to find salvation

All along it had nothing to offer

Except darkness and suffocation...

It's been some years since I came to acceptance

That a tree can't move away from its roots

It took some time to put back the pieces

To mend something that has always been broken

To stand up and walk again

I still have the scars and one fragile heart

Unanswered questions and unfulfilled wishes

But now I know, it doesn't make a difference

I can't cut my roots but I can still grow

And that was when,

I was born again.