It Doesn't Matter How Hard You Try.

Dear Bestfriend,

It’s not true..

That I don’t miss you anymore

I know I don’t call that often

And we don’t share the same town anymore

I know it’s been years since you moved

And we don’t see each other anymore

But it’s still not true

That I don’t miss you anymore

You’re the first person whom I called a friend

And not because it was convenient

We are as different as we can be

But somehow we make it work

We have little interest in common

But we still talk for hours

You don’t relate to my struggles and pain

But you’re still with me at every bend

-----

Dear Bestfriend,

I know you miss me too but you won't say it out loud. But I'm not a coward like you. So there it is.

What's the point of it all?

To you,

I was your shadow

Always following you

In stormy nights

In grainy lights

Even in your darkest hours

When you were too immersed

In your own darkness to see me.

I was your air

Essence of your life

But unnoticed

Until the day I left

And you realised

What suffocation is.

I was your sun

You frowned

Whenever you looked at me

Hid yourself

In my presence

But you didn't realise

Without me

No dawn is coming.

You remember that day, I saw you in the park?

You were sitting on a swing with a little girl on your lap. A goofy smile was plastered on your face, so real that it burned my heart. I know, you sensed me watching you as you abruptly looked my way.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I looked away before you caught my eyes. I'm sorry that for a little while, it dimmed your charming smile.

The truth is that I'm jealous. Jealous of the way you embrace life, when I feel so burdened by it. Jealous of how brave you must be, to be able to smile in a world like this. You seem to have mastered the art of living while I'm still figuring out its meaning.

Sometimes

When I'm staring at the stars

At night

My dreams come alive

As if the million tiny lights

Are holding a mirror to my mind

At times

I let myself wander those streets

it's a different world alright

And In my haze of midnight

I hold my fist tight

I won't let it slip this time

not this time

But as the earth glows in light

And the darkness goes to hide

forcing me out of the world

I painted with my mind

Come with me into the woods

Where the sky's fogged with clouds

And I'll show you millions of stars

In the deepest parts of the ocean

I'll show you what is air

Close your eyes, shut your mind

I'll show you how it feels to live a dream

Away from the harsh rays of sun

Where all floating dandelions have gone

Will you come with me?

Unlikeable

There's a girl in my class

Bright eyes and golden skin

Everyone loved her

But she's not me

Though I didn't desire her spotlight

But I too wanted to be liked

So I wove a new skin

With golden threads of lies

I wore it everywhere

Hiding me from myself

I smiled a little more

Talked a little less

I put up a good front

Yet it wasn't enough

underneath the fake skin

I couldn't hide the real me

It was so exhausting

“I gave up”

But I still can't figure out

How to be likeable

HOPE

You are the cruelest of them all

To you,

I was your shadow

Always following you

In stormy nights

In grainy lights

Even in your darkest hours

When you were too immersed

In your own darkness to see me.

I was your air

Essence of your life

But unnoticed

Until the day I left

And you realised

What suffocation is.

I was your sun

You frowned

Whenever you looked at me

Hid yourself

In my presence

But you didn't realise

Without me

No dawn is coming.

You patched yourself up

With little pieces of me

But can't you really see

It has left me empty

The daunting hollowness

Eating me from inside

Yet your eyes taunt

I must be guilty

What's so additive

About the pain and the heartache

That I couldn't step aside

Until pushed to the edge

I couldn't leave your side

The millions of seconds

It took me to realise

The best of your moments

Are the worst of my life