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Snake Fruit Cookie backstory headcanon

My friends and I once made a theory that Snake Fruit Cookie was the child of Affogato, who he «conjured» with the help of magic and a piece broken off from Dark Cacao. I know this sounds crazy, but listen.

Snake Fruit always dreamed of becoming a dragon, like those they were forced to bow before their entire life. Actually, this is probably why they went to serve Longan in the first place. But when they eventually managed to turn into a dragon, their appearance looked differently: Ananas, Lotus and Pitaya (I couldn't find Lychee, but I think they looked the same) were built, more or less, as we are used to seeing them in Western folklore – like lizards.

Snake Fruit, on the other hand, seemed to look more like a snake, they didn't have the wings or even the body of a dinosaur, and, nevertheless, they were signed as «Snake Fruit Dragon».

What does it mean?

Well, if you look closely, you'll see that they are depicted as a stereotypical Oreo dragon from the Dark Cacao Kingdom. I don’t think that if it had depended on them, they wouldn't have taken on the appearance that they saw in the faces of their masters – which means that they acquired such an appearance due to circumstances beyond their control. I'm making the simplest bet possible: they already were like this, it was in their nature to become a dragon that looked like this.

Because Snake Fruit themselves are not from this region. They are from a place where serpentine dragons are reflected in culture (tapestry and statues) and folklore (the tale of dragons that king Dark Cacao cut down, creating a cycle of day and night).

Now what does their supposed kinship has to do with it? Well, eh, I just wanted to somehow connect these two restless souls with too similar destinies, but different ages (I always presumed Affogato is old for some reason): both Affogato and Snake Fruit managed to achieve their goals, but failed to keep them. I can’t say anything about their external resemblance to any of them – based on their appearance, I can rather assume that this is Affogato who's the second parent of Dark Choco, but that’s not the point.

Based on some joking Twitter posts, we've concluded that most likely Choco's mother is White Lily, who created him based on her designs and research (with some help from Dark Cacao, of course), but what happened to her notes when she left to Beast Yeast? They didn't just disappear, did they? So, I came to the conclusion that no, they didn't – which Affogato could have taken advantage of.

Affogato couldn't have been unaware of the circumstances under which Prince Dark Choco was exiled: it might have occurred to him at some point to curry favor with the king by using Lily's notes to create a new heir (possibly even secretly taking a piece from him, resulting in unequal parts). No relations are implied here though: in Cookie Run, one of the semi-«official» methods of reproduction involves breaking off two pieces of dough from the parents to, when combined, create a new cookie.

He didn't take into account, though, that his half ended up disproportionately larger than Cacao's: baby Snake Fruit turned out to be almost a copy of Affogato, and he began to fear that the king simply wouldn't believe him. Add to that Cacao's deteriorating condition due to Affogato's control magic, and we have a deadlock situation: the resulting child needed to be protected.

Affogato could have known that the dragon gene might reveal in Snake Fruit one day. Considering that he himself was a mixture of Coffee Tribe and Milk Tribe residents, and the resulting child clearly reflected his Milk ancestors, it was safe to assume that Dark Cacao's ancestors would eventually manifest themselves too. Keeping this in mind, the idea came to him to send the child far away to Longan, the Dragon Master, to keep them away from harm. They would raise them, nurture them in their home, and perhaps something worthwhile would come out of them, while Affogato figured out how to explain their existence to the king.

Well, along with the genes of Affogato's ancestors, Snake Fruit inherited his nasty character and penchant for intrigue – unwittingly following in the footsteps of one of their parents, becoming an advisor and being cast down for it into the abyss. Hopefully, their body will wash up on the shores of the continent, where their newfound majesties can be picked up by kind people: someone must ultimately look after the king while Caramel Arrow is busy defending the kingdom, and Dark Choco hasn't come to his senses yet.

Literally the only thing that doesn't fit into this theory is Longan themselves: firstly, their dragon appearance somewhat resembles Snake Fruit's dragon form. There's no reason to assume that Longan has any connection to the Dark Cacao Kingdom (unless Snake Fruit hadn't seen their dragon form before). And secondly, Longan... well, they're chauvinist – they wouldn't accept a regular cookie into their service, even if kings were to ask them to. In that case, Affogato would have to persuade the dragons that the child is a hundred percent dragon, just not awakened yet (and by the time it became clear that it's more cookie than dragon, they would have gotten used to their service and simply mockingly called them «Snake»).

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk again.

There's something I really needed to get out of my system for the long time, and I understand that many have probably said this before.

Look, I adore MTMTE. I respect Roberts as a writer and he made an absolute masterpiece that changed my life (literally, I've met my life-long friends over this comic) and I think that he did a fantastic job in terms of plot-twists and character development.

However, what he did specifically to Rodimus was... uh.

I know that the entire IDW universe is, essentially, a one big anthology of the works of various authors, who, let's be honest, didn't always read each other. That's how, I believe, we got an MTMTE Rodimus, who does things... that feel so unnatural to him that you can't help but wonder, what was really the reason for doing so.

When I started reading this series, I asked my friends, what do some of his actions mean – «why the hell did he even agree to take Overlord?»; «why would he allow Drift to take all the blame on himself?»; «HOW DID HE ACCEPT MEGATRON ON THE BOARD??» – and their answer was... nothing. Nothing essentially to explain here, because the only reason for these and many other of his actions I could think of, is:

Roberts needed the plot to happen. And for that, he sacrificed Rodimus's already established character integrity.

I don’t remember which comic it was in, but I vividly remember one scene from some other, not connected to MTMTE series: Optimus (as usual) refused to kill Megatron and Rodimus, his face twisted with rage, started torturing Megatron with electricity. You mean to tell me, this guy would listen to anyone and let him on the ship? You mean to tell me, he wouldn't kill him on sight the second they make the quantum leap from Cybertron, trial or not?

And, although I don't like Getaway and the way he left the entire crew with DJD, but Rodiums I got first familiar with would be just thrilled to hear all of his ideas on how to creatively get rid of Megatron, because- no, literally, what the hell was that?

Okay, I understand the fact that I'm biased. I live in a country that's currently under siege, and I share the internet space with people who, in the safety of their homes, sometimes are still choosing to humanize and sympathise with a crazy fascist dictator that would be glad to wipe them out like he does with us. I acknowledge that that's alters one's perspective a little bit. But the entire Cybertronian race (AND MANY OTHERS – let's not forget countless organic civilizations that endured genocides after genocides in Megatron's colonial expansion) had to deal with this guy for four million years.

And I get that it probably wasn't entirely Roberts' fault – IDW publishing had the universe ending planned beforehand and that's why the entire «Lost Light» sequel felt so rushed. But are you seriously implying that MEGATRON, of all people, could be reformed by one fun trip? And forgiven not just by the crew – but Rodimus and Ultra Magnus specifically??.. Mind you, they already made their mind on him before the sequel – and it absolutely wasn't the one that they would make if they weren't so heavily OOC'd.

I hate the fact that the plot just wouldn't happen the way it did without this forced character dumbing. I hate it, because I love MTMTE story, and its crew, and its captain. And its lessons. But the way of teaching these lessons sometimes makes me want to throw in a towel, because no. I refuse to believe that someone who's entire life was defined by the want to be the leader his friends wanted, could do this many mistakes that lead to their hurt (and both allowing Overlord AND Megatron, were such mistakes). So, I choose to continue to be delulu and pretend that none of this happened – and they never returned to Cybertron as well, and they achieved something more. Don't blame me, I know you all are doing the same.

When I was 12 I wrote and almost finished in one of my notebooks a vampire comedy novel about this girl I projected onto, who was a poor peasant from a village at the foot of the Carpathians, and she got so tired of her life that she decided to take advantage of the local legend about a vampire sleeping hundreds of years in the castle somewhere in the mountains (meaning, to rob it and become rich), but then she accidentally woke him up, and, in order to not be eaten, she somehow became his servant. The vampire was at first very confused why he was put asleep for so long in the first place, but then quickly remembered than he was pursuing his goal – to become a daylight vampire and that he almost succeeded, but was betrayed by his previous servant-lover, who put him into tomb, thinking he was dead. Now this girl had to figure out how to escape from the castle (while taking with her as much money and goods as she could), and the vampire had to continue his ambition, planning to use her in some kind of ritual, I don't remember. At the end I wanted them to kiss and decide that «fuck it, it's not that complicated» and start travelling the world – or, alternatively, they would all die in a horrific soul-wrenching tragedy, because 12 year old fanfic writers are dramatic.

That notebook I wrote this into was left at my mother's house and likely was completely destroyed or thrown away, but I still remember the plot... I think. I don't know if I should write and publish it online though.

After spending what feels like a lifetime in my VtM echo chamber, looking at the other vampire media almost feels like blasphemy. You feel lost and confused like a mole crawling out into the sun (pun intended) for the first time. What do you mean, the concept of the Masquerade isn't even present most of the time? What do you mean, you don't have to wait patiently for about 20-30 years and then ask your local authorities permission to Embrace somebody?? Wait, there are no limits to siring??! And the sun might not even kill you??!?!

Why the hell did I accidentally reblog myself

NOT SARCOPHAGUSSY 😭😭😭

vtmb summary

fascist foppish dandy holds an execution ceremony thing because kindred laws are strange and you can't sire people without prince prissy's permission. sexy number guy goes "hey man you cant do that man fuck you" and foppish dandy goes "sir yes sir" and you get to live and foppish dandy bosses you around and you have to kill a tuberculosis cult etc etc sewers, hollywood, ming xiao being an absolute slayful cuntress etc etc sarcophagussy boom

it's so important to me that aegnor is the most beautiful ethereal elf you've ever seen and andreth is like. ok. no facial features that really grab anyone's attention

what draws aegnor to her is all the things about her that seem to contradict each other. the way she looks so at home in middle earth, so at one with the heather as her bed and the stars as jewels in her hair, when aegnor knows her fëa is not of middle earth. the way she is so young compared to him, yet the way she talks with such knowledge and heaviness, and the way her eyes hint at memory long before her years, but memory that weighs on her and lends wisdom and passion to her words all the same.

he cannot help but be bewitched by her, to try to make sense of her, while knowing every glance he steals of her in the still water of the lake brings him closer to his doom. he looks anyway

‼️ BLOOD, DEATH/?/ ‼️

"Engulf oneself in silence"

God help us all-

vtm t swift parody that everyone wanted to read <3 enjoy DRAIN THE SOUL (shake it off)

I stay out too late Got souls' in my brain they got stuff to say, mm-mm they got stuff to say, mm-mm I diablorize neonates (Haha) But I can't end their soul, mm mm. and they got stuff to say, mm-mm they got stuff to say, mm-mm But I keep drainin' Can't stop, won't stop feedin' It's like I got this soul in my mind Sayin', "It's gonna be alright" 'Cause the beasts gonna play, play, play, play, play And the elders gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate Baby, I'm just gonna drain drain drain drain I drain the soul, I drain the soul, Archons gonna hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt And the fledlings gonna hide hide hide hide hide hide hide Baby, I'm just gonna drain drain drain drain I drain the soul, I drain the soul, I never miss a sip I'm lightnin' with my teeth And that's what they don't see, mm-mm That's what they don't see, mm-mm I'm feedin' on my own (feedin' on my own) I make the rules up as I go (rules up as I go) And that's what they don't know, mm-mm That's what they don't know, mm-mm But I keep drainin' Can't stop, won't stop feedin' It's like I got this soul in my mind Sayin', "It's gonna be alright" Hey, hey, hey Just think, while you've been gettin' down and out about the elders And the dirty, dirty cam of the world You could've been gettin' down With the. sa. bbat. My sire brought his new fledling She's like, "Oh my God," but I'm just gonna drain And to the fella over there with the hella good blood Won't you come on over, baby? We can drain drain drain Yeah, oh-oh, oh