I Feel So Alone And Scared I Can’t Be An Adult I Just Want To Go Back And Restart It All

I need help so bad I need fucking help I don’t have anybody I’m freaking the fuck o ur I can’t take it anymore I literally cannot fucking take it anymore I need to kill myself I need to fucking end my life I needto kill myself I need to fucking kill myself nobody or nothing will ever help me I am stuck here I am so tormented god please fucking help me please fucking help me please god help me fucking help me please fod I can’t take it please kill me oh my god fucking help me fucking help me please

It fucking hurts so bad why do I have to suffer with this shit you did to me why the fuck do I always have to be affected by the fucking shit you do what did I do to deserve this bullshit I fucking can’t stand it what the fuck did I do what the fuck did I do

Why the fuck is it that you can move on and not care anymore and why is it not me why the fuck do I still have to suffer with caring about you why do I still care why are you just okay with being evil I try so fucking hard to forget about you and pray on your downfall I just want to move on why can you move on but I can’t this shit is just so unfair

I dont Even know what to say I’m just speechless. I shouldn’t of asked him how you were doing and I shouldn’t have checked your twitter again. It didn’t trigger me THAT bad but I just can’t keep doing this over and over. I just wish you would hurt. I just wish you would feel my pain. I wish you would obsess over how bad you’re hurting like I do. I’m sorry

I have never cried About how fucking hideous I was until today. I bawled my eyes out and got so aggressive I cut open my knuckles from punching my headboard too Hard. I tried aggressively cutting but that didn’t work so I beat the fuck out of myself and now my legs are swollen internally. I dont know what’s wrong with me but I am very scared and upset and I just wish that I was Loved

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I don’t have anybody i. don’t have anyone I am freaking out I just want to be left alone

I don’t know what to do im just so fucking lost

I feel like puking i feel like I’ve just been robbed of all my love and that resulting in my hatred for romance I just . I’m so dysphoric I’m so bitter I’m so angry I just want an escape I just want someone for fucking once to love me and my imperfections and not prefer a specific fucking genital over my entire being I don’t know what to do I don’t believe anyone when they say they love me anymore because they’re fucking lying

I just want to give up on everything I fucking Hate my life I hate romance I hate sex I hate myself I hate everyone I fucking hate existing I just wish I was dead so fucking bad holy fuck I’m going to kill myself maybe that’s what I should do for my 18th birthday just blow my fucking head off

I dont know what specifically happened, but I don’t think I really need this account anymore. I mean I’ll still use it, what I meant is that I don’t think I feel as empty as I did when I first started.

I got a job and I love it. I finally got my permit after about 3 tries. I an getting out way more. I am dating the ACTUAL love of my life and am getting closer and closer with him. I’m getting closer to my irl friends. I’m doing … mostly ok in school, but I’m not worried about it. It’s my last year in school. I’m in therapy and I get along with my therapist. I feel more confident about myself and my body. I have proper medication that really works. I have a new special interest. I’ve been extremely creative, both art + music + edit & even writing wise. I’ve been finding some new music that has been inspirational to me. I’m sort of re-developing my clothing style. I have a wicked ass tattoo. Ive been smoking weed and having fun with that. Whenever I think of her I dismiss it and move on. I have amazing friends both online and irl and am developing decently normal relationships. I’m laughing so much more. I’m becoming more independent. I’ve redeveloped a love for energy drinks, specifically Monster. People have been more kinder to me. I am a trendsetter at my school and everyone talks about me. Im about to get a big paycheck. When I get my proper driver’s license, I’m going to be able to drive around. Im getting my issues solved. Next year I will HOPEFULLY be able to get a house with my partner and we can live on our own.

There’s so much more, but I can’t list them all. Im pretty forgetful. I just think I am healing. There are times where I feel like im not, and where I relapse back into old habits but I believe I’ve been getting better at that. I think that in general I am getting better. I am more grateful for the little things in life. I have no need to look back on the past, get upset about the past, etc. What’s done is done and there’s nothing I can change besides how my future will end up. I have people who love and support me forever and I am glad I do. Whether it’s 2 people or 20, I am happy I am in their presence. I think I am getting okay. It’s only up from here everyone