I Don’t Know What To Do Im Just So Fucking Lost

Why can’t you just fucking suffer for once in your stupid fucking life why do I have to suffer what you’ve done to me why can’t you understand how fucked up you are

I am so unimportant and it hurts. My life is nothing but a sick joke. I’m stuck inside of purgatory. Surely hell can’t be worse than this. I don’t think it can get worse than this. I can’t take it. I have to die. I can’t keep living like this anymore

I’m experiencing the feeling I felt when I found out she looked at other people sexually and lied to me about it

I dont know what specifically happened, but I don’t think I really need this account anymore. I mean I’ll still use it, what I meant is that I don’t think I feel as empty as I did when I first started.

I got a job and I love it. I finally got my permit after about 3 tries. I an getting out way more. I am dating the ACTUAL love of my life and am getting closer and closer with him. I’m getting closer to my irl friends. I’m doing … mostly ok in school, but I’m not worried about it. It’s my last year in school. I’m in therapy and I get along with my therapist. I feel more confident about myself and my body. I have proper medication that really works. I have a new special interest. I’ve been extremely creative, both art + music + edit & even writing wise. I’ve been finding some new music that has been inspirational to me. I’m sort of re-developing my clothing style. I have a wicked ass tattoo. Ive been smoking weed and having fun with that. Whenever I think of her I dismiss it and move on. I have amazing friends both online and irl and am developing decently normal relationships. I’m laughing so much more. I’m becoming more independent. I’ve redeveloped a love for energy drinks, specifically Monster. People have been more kinder to me. I am a trendsetter at my school and everyone talks about me. Im about to get a big paycheck. When I get my proper driver’s license, I’m going to be able to drive around. Im getting my issues solved. Next year I will HOPEFULLY be able to get a house with my partner and we can live on our own.

There’s so much more, but I can’t list them all. Im pretty forgetful. I just think I am healing. There are times where I feel like im not, and where I relapse back into old habits but I believe I’ve been getting better at that. I think that in general I am getting better. I am more grateful for the little things in life. I have no need to look back on the past, get upset about the past, etc. What’s done is done and there’s nothing I can change besides how my future will end up. I have people who love and support me forever and I am glad I do. Whether it’s 2 people or 20, I am happy I am in their presence. I think I am getting okay. It’s only up from here everyone

Please god help me. Please just let me fucking die. I pray for my death every single night and nobody answers me. I don’t know what to do. I am not a person to anyone anymore. I’ve faded out of relevancy. I’m not important to people I care about anymore. I don’t feel loved, or appreciated, or cared for, or anything. I’m just human fucking garbage. I’m such an awful person and I would literally pay someone if they could kill me. I’m losing my mind. I’d save up so much money for someone to kill me. I would let someone kill me for free in any way they’d like just as long as I died. I just want to die. I don’t know why the universe keeps me alive because I don’t fucking belong here. I just want to fucking die. Nothing or nobody is worth living for anymore

There’s no way you are complaining about him leading you on when you did that for 2-3 years. Karma’s a bitch and you need to actually k!ll yourself. It is so hilarious and so fucking rewarding seeing how much you are seething and coping over being led on when you have done worse to him. Hope you cut deeper and die. Kisses!!💋💋💋💋

I can’t stop asking why without expecting to have answers but I reminded over and over there is only one answer

I can’t do this anymore I can’t fucking do it anymore

I don’t have anybody

Why the fuck is it that you can move on and not care anymore and why is it not me why the fuck do I still have to suffer with caring about you why do I still care why are you just okay with being evil I try so fucking hard to forget about you and pray on your downfall I just want to move on why can you move on but I can’t this shit is just so unfair