I Have Never Cried About How Fucking Hideous I Was Until Today. I Bawled My Eyes Out And Got So Aggressive

I don’t want to live anymore dear fucking god just fucking kill me fucking kill me why can’t you fucking idiots just fucking kill me what do I have to do to fucking die. Please fucking blow my head off behead me dismember me set me on fire hang me drown me do fucking something and just kill me. I can’t do this anymore

This can’t be worse than hell. This can’t be any fucking worse than hell. I literally cannot fucking escape no matter how hard I try. I will end up a vegetable for the rest of my life if I try to overdose. I can become extremely severely disfigured if I shoot myself. I can damage my entire body if I hang myself. I can’t win. I can’t escape. This is such a sick fucking joke that I wouldn’t ever wish on my worst enemy.

I don’t have anybody left I am going to die alone

I have nothing to lose I don’t feel anything anymore

I need help so bad please god I can’t do it I cannot describe how in pain I am all of the time I can’t fucking do it

I’m so excited to finally fucking do it I am so excited about it I think it may be the only thing making me happy anymore. Knowing I don’t have to deal with this shit anymore. I don’t have to be perfect or fake for anybody or those stupid fucking cunt “friends” of mine I can finally just leave without a trace and move on. Everyone else can move on. I will be forgotten about and my online presence will disappear and dissipate and I just can’t fucking wait. What was once a stain will finally be thoroughly cleansed and taken care of. I will not be a mistake to humanity anymore. I will finally be able to forgive myself

Kinda sucks that when I follow ppl on here it redirects them to this blog where it shows the most disgusting and emotionally rawest parts of myself lol that totally won’t get me judged and Not accepted from other people who claim to be mentally ill Lol Jesus Fucking Christ can I just get killed already

Genuinely nothing helps anymore it really is over for me

I broke again today.

Well, not really broke. But currently I’m quietly crying.

I do miss you. I really do. I saw a video where it was two people who called each other mama and bunny and it just reminded me so much of you. It reminded me so fucking much of you.

I miss you more than anything. I know that we should go out separate ways and that we shouldn’t be in each other’s lives, but I miss you still. I hate that it ended the way it did. I don’t even know if we still would’ve been friends, I don’t know anything about what could’ve happened because it won’t. And that’s okay. I really don’t need you in my life anyways.

You make me really sad about myself sometimes. I wonder why you treated me the way you do, but also realize you were also facing a lot. Maybe this is the way it should’ve been, where we didn’t even interact with each other at all. I miss you. It feels like such a big piece of me is missing, but I know that the void gets filled more and more everyday.

You did leave me with a lot of things to deal with, but I don’t have to deal with them on my own. I’m getting out more. I got a job. I’m back in school, and am going to attend big school things like homecoming and prom without worrying about you or wishing you were there. I know you projected a lot of your insecurity on me. And I’m sorry that you had to do that.

I’m also sorry that I might’ve added onto your insecurities too. My messages to you were hateful. But I’m not going to block you and apologize. I still honestly believe you deserved to be brutally humbled. It doesn’t make me feel any less guilty. And I still miss you. I miss you a lot, and sort of appreciate you reaching out. It meant you missed me, and that made me feel good for awhile. But I don’t need your validation anymore, you never really validated me anyways.

I gave my all to you, and while you didn’t give it back, I am glad that I was at least able to share my kindness. I am happy that i was kind enough to share my love with someone who I thought was nice. It means I’m a nice person, and you made me feel I wasn’t a lot of the time. But I only know that you were doing that because of your personal issues you took out on me. Maybe you just need to grow up.

I still miss you. I really do. And sometimes I wonder if I should’ve just stayed with you instead of breaking it off. But breaking it off is worth it. I will not hurt myself, I will not go to a mental hospital, I will not attempt nor commit suicide over you. I will handle this right this time. I am allowed to miss you and miss the happy memories we did share while also knowing that this was a good thing for me. I hate you a lot still, but the hatred lessens everyday, and I become neutral about you. I don’t know what I want to happen to you, but whatever it is, I hope it’s far away from me. I hope it never enters my life. Maybe one day we will talk again, and you’ll be better, and we can possibly become friends. But I don’t even want that, really.

I am still hurting, because I spent so much time with you in 7 months. But I was just fine before I met you, meaning I can be fine without you too. I know I can, and I have. Things will look up for me. And me missing you will lessen. Me wishing I could’ve shut up will be completely tarnished. You will not be in my brain anymore. You will then miss me again, you’ll regret what you have done, and I’ll be everything your brain consumes. And I’m glad for that. Just so I can let you know that I am much better without you.

I miss you. But I’m glad you aren’t here anymore.

I need to fucking kill myself