It Is Genuinely Unbelievable Just How Fucking Putrid And Ugly I Am. Not Only Will I Never Pass But I’m

the thing that gets me the most about ableism against pd’s is that ppl will be like “these disorders make you an ASSHOLE!!!!” and then turn around and pretend that other disorders can’t and don’t make you act shitty.

depression and anxiety can make you irritable and snappy. they can cause you to refuse to listen to people and to be distant and withdrawn. they can cause you to seem angry, bitchy, rude, uncaring, etc.

ptsd causes an array of difficulties in forming meaningful relationships. it pretty much shakes up your entire worldview and sense of self a lot of the time. ptsd can cause you to get angry often. it can cause you to yell and scream. it can cause you to withdraw from others, run away, or cut them out. it can cause general changes in demeanor and more cynical worldviews. it can make you seem grouchy, negative, explosive, impolite, difficult, needy, controlling, etc.

and yet when people with personality disorders have symptoms of that nature, suddenly we are irredeemable monsters. when it’s npd, bpd, hpd, or aspd instead of ptsd or depression and anxiety, people suddenly and magically lose the ability to be understanding.

mental illness is an explanation, not an excuse. i firmly believe that. hurting others is never justified simply because you have any disorder.

but if you can be patient with people who have depression, anxiety, ptsd, ocd, or any other more well understood mental illness, you can be patient with us.

I just feel there is no more genuineness. That you’re just staying because of familiarity and not because you actually love me.

I don’t feel close anymore. I feel we have just gotten so separated and I don’t know how to go forward with the feeling of being unloved or making you feel like you aren’t enough. I just don’t feel like im loved anymore. I feel so sad. What happened? Why do you not like me anymore? Why do you not want to be with me anymore? What did I do to our connection that made it like this? I’m sorry.

I still love you. I don’t want you to leave. But I feel you’re going to so I have braced myself for it by not being active much and being afraid and distant which has probably made you stop liking me. I can’t think of you actually loving me no more. We are so stagnant. What are we doing?

I hate this feeling and I’ve never felt more alone in my life. I just wish you loved me

I just want you back I know I can’t have it and in reality I know it would be terrible to have you back. In reality I don’t even fucking want you back. But im spiraling and im so lost without you. I dont know what to do. I feel I still love you. I dont know what to fucking do. I just dont want to live anymore. I just want to fucking die. I hate you but god I would do anything for you in my life again. I just wish we could reverse time. I wish this didn’t happen. I wish j wasn’t alive

I don’t know why I try to do anything I am so untalented and fucking retarded and stupid oh my fod I need to die I want to slit my wrists I want to fucking hang my self I hate myself so fucking much I can’t take it I want to kill myself i want to die why haven’t I died yet why am I still here I have no purpose I hate everyone I want to die

I hate this so much I just wish I was fucking normal I feel guilt and shame and embarrassment. And fucking stupid. I’m so fucking stupid. I am so goddamn dumb im a fucking home im so paranoid and feel so fucking awful

I don’t have anybody

I’m experiencing the feeling I felt when I found out she looked at other people sexually and lied to me about it

I am going to kill myself

I’m so repulsive to Everyone I know everyone would just love Me better if I had a cock nobody loves me for who I am they all want me to be someone I’m not and I can’t fucking change that I can take hormones and everything but it still won’t change the fact I won’t have a dick I wish I could fucking Die I am so unlovable and ugly to everyone I hate my self I hate myself so fucking much I wish I was a man I wish I was a fucking man I hate this so fucking much I hate my fucking body I hate my genitals I hate myself I hate myself I wish that I Could just be a fucking man

I Hope one day we can reunite even if you did hurt me. I miss you.