I Don’t Have Anybody

I feel like puking i feel like I’ve just been robbed of all my love and that resulting in my hatred for romance I just . I’m so dysphoric I’m so bitter I’m so angry I just want an escape I just want someone for fucking once to love me and my imperfections and not prefer a specific fucking genital over my entire being I don’t know what to do I don’t believe anyone when they say they love me anymore because they’re fucking lying

I just want to give up on everything I fucking Hate my life I hate romance I hate sex I hate myself I hate everyone I fucking hate existing I just wish I was dead so fucking bad holy fuck I’m going to kill myself maybe that’s what I should do for my 18th birthday just blow my fucking head off

I just want you back I know I can’t have it and in reality I know it would be terrible to have you back. In reality I don’t even fucking want you back. But im spiraling and im so lost without you. I dont know what to do. I feel I still love you. I dont know what to fucking do. I just dont want to live anymore. I just want to fucking die. I hate you but god I would do anything for you in my life again. I just wish we could reverse time. I wish this didn’t happen. I wish j wasn’t alive

I can accept that being lovable doesn’t mean everyone will love me. It hurts. That is a normal human emotion. Pain is a normal human emotion, and that is what i’m experiencing. It’s just simply pain and doesn’t define who I am, nor my future, nor anything.

As Hard as this may be, it really is just the first day. I am allowed to struggle and to feel bad. Shit, I had good times. I had really good and fun times! And they made me feel good. But sometimes things aren’t meant to be, and that’s okay. My pain will not last forever. My grieving and mourning will not last forever. I am allowed to feel this because I cared! I loved hard! I truly tried my best, so that’s really all that mattered.

Again, sometimes things aren’t meant to be. Instead of letting this control my life, how about I frame it like this:

She felt like my world but the truth is? She is just another person. She was my person, but now she is not. I was attached to her, and I am revising myself not to be that way anymore. As painful as this may be right now, it’s only temporary. This is just where I’m at right now, but this too shall pass. Time is gonna pass anyways, so why should I just sulk and mourn for someone that really wasn’t good for me? I know that I’m scared, but I’m going to get through this situation scared. Petrified, even.

Now that she’s gone, what can I do freely? I can:

*hang out with my friends as much as I want

*dress however I want and be promiscuous and provocative

*really get focused on my future instead of feeling as if I’m held back

*not focus on social media so much and let it consume me, especially online relationships

I’ve done this many times before. I really thought it was the end of my world! But look at me now—I’ve had ups and downs and unfortunately have found myself in the same place. But guess what? I know what to do. This is only a learned experience. I will continue to learn. It will all be okay even if it doesn’t feel like it. I will live and I will survive.

I dont want anybody to see me I don’t want to be around people I don’t want any of that I just want to be alone with no mirrors no nothing and just be by myself forever

I’m trying so hard to act normal it genuinely feels awful again like what the actual fuck is going on please don’t hate me I feel weird talking about that whole situation with my friend she just made things so much worse . It makes me feel like everything has come crashing down again . I don’t know why im like this but I am and I just wish that people could see past that because I am more than my mental illnesses I just can’t do it man

Please fucking help me

Everyone I love and have broken up with or left are all the fucking same they always will be they will always think I’m gross or repulsive or ugly or just fucking wish that I had a fucking dick they will always cross my boundaries and prefer looking at other things besides me And think I’m fucking ugly I keep getting betrayed over and over and over and over I will never ever truly be loved for who I am I fucking hate everyone

I feel sick and anxious im not trying to be a brat or talk against you or anything I just don’t feel okay right now

I want to die so bad fuck

I am so ugly and incapable of everything and I need to kill myself