Useless Box That Doesn’t Let People Flick Its Switch

*Pokémon battle theme starts playing* a wild death threat appeared!

Can I just say that you're one of the funniest people I have ever encountered here on this site?

Like, you never fail to amuse me and the rest of tpyour followers

My followers are silly billies!!! some of them tell me to die though

We don't blame them

imagine playing this but you just immediately start making out with the person

I think next thursday is gonna be the best day of my entire life tbh

Bad News: Our boss locked the keys inside the building.

Good News: We didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.

Bad News: My boss finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory™. I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute girls.

Good News: A cute girl saw me do it.

Bad News: It was Maggie, and since she’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, she’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. She knows.

I’m crying over this picture

Me: does literally the slightest thing wrong

My brain:

at the wedding instead of catching a bouquet the women all put on these and brawl for who gets married next

hmmm