How Could She Not? She’s Using The Legendary Tactic Of P O O L

my friend took in a stray and she’s the cutest kitty ever but he named her oil so whenever he sends a picture of her me and my other friends look like we’re roleplaying as the US military

Bad News: Our boss locked the keys inside the building.

Good News: We didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.

Bad News: My boss finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory™. I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute girls.

Good News: A cute girl saw me do it.

Bad News: It was Maggie, and since she’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, she’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. She knows.

kate bush dressed as a nun, photographed by brian griffin (1982)

catholic pez

walm

art

When you walk behind your group cuz u walm too fast but u end up kicking their heels

I like to play a game with people I know that I call “point and kill” where the object of the game is to find something I can not kill someone with. In the hypothetical situations the person being killed is not fighting back and is more like a car test dummy. You lose if you get unnerved and ask me to stop.

Everything’s a lethal weapon if used correctly.

being moderately proficient with computers in the early 2010s was casting a hex on your family to call you sheldon

That egg really just schlorped its way down there huh