Digital-dissociation-blog - Digital Dissociation

anyone else ever daydream for 6 hours straight and then after ur just like nah let’s scrap that and do it all again but slightly to the left

i’ve been dying to see you.

Me: multiple chronic illnesses with a wide span of symptoms.

Abled Person: have you tried yoga?

AP: gluten free?

AP: therapy? mindfulness?

AP: exercise?

AP: very expensive trial treatments?

Me: yes, none of it works.

…

AP: well I guess you just don’t WANT to get better then.

me: Fine. Don’t talk to me. You think I need you to message me all the time? Ha. I don’t even care. I don’t even care, not even a little. You want to ignore me fine. Go ahead. I don’t even care. You think I need your constant presence and attention. Laughable. I was alone way before I even met you. Pure childs play. Don’t even @ me. Don’t even bother saying anything to me. I don’t need or want it anyway. 

me 1 minute later: *sobbing* I’m sorry please don't leave me. Fuck I need you. Where are you. What did I do wrong. Was it something I said two months ago? Have you left me like she did, ghosted me?? If I attempt to reach out will you block me?? What did I do?? Im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sor- me 1 minute after that: *trying to think rationally* He’s probably just sleeping. Hes probably busy with schoolwork. Or babysitting. Or the bank. Or family stuff. Or- me 1 minute later panicked: But he always messages you morning. Even when hes busy. He would have let you know. He would have said something if he was going to be away...What if something bad has happened?? What if something horrible has happened to him?? What if hes hurt?? What if something happened to his family?? What if hes suicidal and not telling me and I’m going to lose him??? Oh god oh fuck oh no oh fuck oh god me: What if hes just ignoring you? What if he just doesn’t want you anymore? What if he hates you? What if you pissed him off and didn’t realize it? What if- me minutes later:.....Fine. Don’t talk to me. You think I need you to message me all the-- and repeat forever.  

Me:-eats something-

Stomach:“GET IT OUT OF ME!”

Me:“You’ve had this before and you were fine!”

Stomach:“bitch what did I just say!? IM REJECTING IT!”