How To Kill Myself Without Making Mom Sad Or My Friends Feel Bad

Now this is funny.

I actually feel like I am in the worst low mood of my life and I feel utterly terrible and like I want to die. And It makes me so angry that one tiny little thing just fucking smacked me from the purest beautiful holy cloud nine onto the fucking cold heartless concrete without mercy. I literally have not stopped crying for like over an hour. I hate my life and I want to just throw myself off the stupid balcony fuck me.

By the time you find this, I will be dead. I am leaving this app open on my unlocked phone near my body.

I’m sorry that by this time tomorrow I won’t be around anymore. Im sorry I couldn’t contribute enough. Sorry I was too sick.

Dear mom/family.

I’m sorry I wasn’t enough. I’m sorry I was a failure. I’m sorry I wasted time. I wish I could have been a better kid. Im sorry I wasn’t the daughter/sister/aunt you wanted. Im sorry I don’t even know what or who I am. I’m sorry I was just a problem. I’m sorry I was so sick. Such a burden on you all. I deserved what I got.

Dear sister,

I love you and I’m sorry. I miss you. I never told you how I was feeling.. You wont forgive me I know. I cant forgive myself either. Im an awful awful sister. I deserve this.

Dear best friend,

I love you. I’m sorry. My head is too broken. Im too tired. You tried so hard to help me but I failed you. I’m a terrible failure. I will never forgive myself for disappointing you. You were my world. I loved you more than words could express. But it was never meant to be. I’m sorry. Im sorry I wont be around anymore. Im sorry we wont get to do all that we wanted and dreamed. I’ll miss you for eternity.

Dear myself,

I hate you. I hope you rot. You horrible disgusting disappointing failure. You’re a fucking burden. You deserve this.

Goodbye.

Love,

Amanda/Des/Blair

🖤

Having a rough week after a longer period with low symptoms is really hard.

I’m feeling as if life was punishing my for feeling to strong and confident.

It comes in waves. Anger, then sadness, anxiety then anger again.

All I can do is lay in bed by myself and isolate.

I dont really have a right to push everyone away and then lament that im hurting and lonely.

I just..........

Oh well..

Ｇ ∆ /\/\ ヨ Ｂロ Ｙ

I somehow managed to i think dislocate my finger joint and I had to fix it myself and it fuckin ghurt. All I did was open a stupi dplasic thing and my finger was like lol fuck you too