Digital-dissociation-blog - Digital Dissociation

When you’re daydreaming a scenario and then suddenly come up with something that would work way better

Can parents stop acting like providing a child’s basic needs is something to be earned? So many kids grow up traumatised because they were made to feel guilty about the existence they never asked for

Time to go to sleep and not wake up again

“You walk at home? Do you even need your wheelchair?”

Yes, because walking in my own house is different than walking class to class at school. I don’t carry a heavy backpack at home. I’m not on a tight schedule at home. I can sit on the ground at home. I can ask my parents or siblings to help me at home. I can crawl on my hands and knees at home. I can lie in the middle of the hallway at home. I can sit on counters and tables at home. I can bear a lot of pain at home. I can show that pain at home. I can collapse in the middle of crawling up the staircase at home.

Don’t tell me or anyone else where or when they need to use their mobility device

What an odd unexpected morning...

Last night, after getting some flashbacks and remembering something that happened to me when I was 15 with a 21-year-old. We had a very toxic, manipulative, and abusive relationship. A lot of suicide guilt trips, and other unsavory things. I couldn’t exactly leave even when I tried, because he would threaten himself and me. I got into this weird dissociative fog after a massive panic attack, rereading old logs we had shared nearly 8 years ago. Something in me snapped and pressed that I needed to reach out. So I did. I didn't think I would ever get a reply back, but just the attempt felt enough. Surprisingly...He did, in fact, reply, hours later. I felt a little more than horrified, and of course, broke into another panic attack, my heart was racing and I was trembling. But.. we talked. For a short period of time. I told him why I had messaged him. What he did to me and how I felt and how I still felt. He told me he was sorry for what he did and had/has been in therapy since then and is a better person than he was nearly 10 years ago. He asked me if he could have my forgiveness and I told him I could forgive him as a person, but his actions would take longer. Overall things went ok, and a part of me feels better. He was only one of many who had hurt me, but probably one of the only ones I’d ever be able to get an apology from and know they felt guilt and remorse for what they did to me. So.. I’m glad I was able to do this for myself as scary as it was. In a way at this point in time that scary awful toxic abusive guy that I knew is gone, I don’t have to worry about his existence anymore, I have one less person to be afraid of. He can’t hurt me anymore ever again. I hope somewhere deep inside that this has healed at least a tiny part of me.

Mood.

ANXIETY DISORDERS ARE NOT THE SAME AS JUST FEELING ANXIOUS/NERVOUS

Anxiety can cause horrible physical symptoms that make everyday life very difficult

It can make you feel utterly terrified, as though your life is in danger, for no apparent reason

It can give you panic attacks at any time, for any reason, or no reason at all

It makes you feel vulnerable and unsafe almost all the time

It is utterly, completely tormenting to live with

Triggers can be everywhere, anything and caused by anyone at any time

It is not a matter of shyness, cute blushing or butterflies in the stomach

It is a hideous, evil disease that I would not wish on anyone

It can be literal mental and physical torture to live with when it gets bad

PLEASE, PLEASE STOP TRIVIALISING ANXIETY (or any mental illness)