さようなら

I'm stupid....and want to die...

By the time you find this, I will be dead. I am leaving this app open on my unlocked phone near my body.

I’m sorry that by this time tomorrow I won’t be around anymore. Im sorry I couldn’t contribute enough. Sorry I was too sick.

Dear mom/family.

I’m sorry I wasn’t enough. I’m sorry I was a failure. I’m sorry I wasted time. I wish I could have been a better kid. Im sorry I wasn’t the daughter/sister/aunt you wanted. Im sorry I don’t even know what or who I am. I’m sorry I was just a problem. I’m sorry I was so sick. Such a burden on you all. I deserved what I got.

Dear sister,

I love you and I’m sorry. I miss you. I never told you how I was feeling.. You wont forgive me I know. I cant forgive myself either. Im an awful awful sister. I deserve this.

Dear best friend,

I love you. I’m sorry. My head is too broken. Im too tired. You tried so hard to help me but I failed you. I’m a terrible failure. I will never forgive myself for disappointing you. You were my world. I loved you more than words could express. But it was never meant to be. I’m sorry. Im sorry I wont be around anymore. Im sorry we wont get to do all that we wanted and dreamed. I’ll miss you for eternity.

Dear myself,

I hate you. I hope you rot. You horrible disgusting disappointing failure. You’re a fucking burden. You deserve this.

Goodbye.

Love,

Amanda/Des/Blair

🖤

You’re not reading this by accident.

Everything is going to be okay.

Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before.

You’ve been this uncomfortable, anxious and scared, and you survived.

Close your eyes and feel the universe within you making a way for you right now.

what bpd is like

Bpd be like…

A minor inconvenience? Initiate RAGE

A stranger smiles at you? Initiate LOVE

Your fp doesn’t respond three minutes after you message them? InitiateDESPAIR

Someone bugs you slightly? Initiate HATRED

Something is slightly more than you (more anything at all)? Initiate JEALOUSY

Something good happens? Initiate EUPHORIA

and it all changes within seconds…

Welp

Today is a “ If it exists on/in my body, It 100% hurts” .

Fun. I want to do absolutely nothing, but I have to smile and pretend my body isnt aching like its been hit by several buses at high speeds since I have things to do today. My mother doesn’t believe me or seem to care about my pain, so.

Yay..

if you’re reading this

a lump sum of money is on the way to you