“How Long Will It Feel Like Burning, Said The Child Trying To Be Kind.”

I kept spiraling with a lot of emotions the entire day, my anxiety and fears never stopped giving me a hard time. I thought of all things that could go wrong, all the ways that I'm incapable of love and maybe keeping it alive, all the ways I really truly desire people to be close to me yet I fear them being replaceable or me being replaced. Everything felt like a big puzzle, big chunk of questions kept coming to me, tarot readings made my days even worse, and despite it all. I just wanna sleep in my blanket and dream and feel safe and say this to myself that,

"Darling, if its the right person. The love will always stay. Love is always the answer. It will stay. Love will always stay. You'll know when you know."

Dear September,

I hope you will be kind, would you please leave the bad behind. Each month I ask the same, to others of a different name. But I have a feeling that you, september, will grant my request, just let this month be one of peace, one of the best, I'll figure out the rest.

Kind Regards, someone living life with hope and a tired heart.

Citizen Illegal, José Olivarez

[ Text ID: love left you. / then you left you. / now all you have / is this disappearing body. ] 

― Federico García Lorca, Blood Wedding and Yerma

I'm trying my best

last day of august.

anyway, don't be a stranger

p.s. i still wait for you

somedays, the urge to disappear from the face this earth is very enchanting to me

just like taylor would say

"My elegies, eulogize me "

On days where i want to be wrapped

around your arms

I want to be embraced in the warmth

Of your presence

Please, not always, let people love you, they should

Short Story Recommendations

These all fuck me up to a varying degree of emotions

Crime

Philomel Cottage - Agatha Christie

Lamb to the Slaughter - Roald Dahl

Death and the Compass - Jorge Luis Borges

Horror

The Landlady - Roald Dahl

A Walk in the Dark - Arthur C Clarke

The Wife’s Story - Ursula K Le Guin

The Veldt - Ray Bradbury

The Hanging Stranger - Philip K Dick

The Colour out of Space - H P Lovecraft

The Spider - Hanns Heinz Ewers

Sad

The Life You Save May Be Your Own - Flannery O’Connor

A Small, Good Thing - Raymond Carver

Cathedral - Raymond Carver

The Haunted Boy - Carson McCullers

The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas - Ursula K. Le Guin

The Chef - Andy Weir

The Martyr - Ngugi Wa Thiong’o

Jambula Tree - Monica Arak de Nyeko

The Rats Do Sleep At Night - Wolfgang Borchert

Sci-Fi

Love is the Plan the Plan is Death - James Tiptree Jr

The Last Question - Isaac Asimov

The Nine Billion Names of God - Arthur C Clarke

The Star - Arthur C Clarke

Reunion - Arthur C Clarke

The Commuter - Philip K Dick

Exhibit Piece - Philip K Dick

To Serve Man - Damon Knight

Brothers Beyond the Void - Paul W Fairman

What the Fuck?! 

The Lottery - Shirley Jackson

A Collapse of Horses - Brian Evenson

Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Colby - Donald Barthelme

Hopeful Monsters - Hiromi Goto

The Box Social - James Reaney

He-y come on ou-t - shinichi hoshi

The Garden of Forking Paths - Jorge Luis Borges

Stories of Your Life and Others - Ted Chiang (just the entire collection bro)

Other

Broken Routine - Jeffrey Archer

A Man Who Had No Eyes - Mackinlay Kantor

Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been - Joyce Carol Oates

The Lady, or the Tiger - Frank R Stockton

The Continuity of Parks - Julio Cortázar

The Dinner Party - Mona Gardner

A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings - Gabriel García Márquez

On Exactitude in Science - Jorge Luis Borges