Citizen Illegal, José Olivarez

this is not love, i'm a glorified doorstop .

[i don't smoke ~ mitski / please be rude ~ gigi perez / step on me ~ the cardigans / you can be mean ~ indigo de souza / wurli ~ dominic fike / jigsaw ~ conan gray]

"Bare your soul to me"

-Janet Suhh

i suck your blood.

what is it that keeps me diving in and out of this mess, that is my heart?

I keep getting closer, yet so farther away

I wanna be touched, kissed, smothered

but at the same time held, caressed and loved

but also choked, pinned, and slammed

all these feelings yet I ask you the same question

where are you?

can you please come home soon?

can you please just hold me a lil bit higher?

can you not complain that I'm being needy?

and can you also not complain that I'm being distant with you?

Idk how to heal ny heart

idk how to feel anymore

I feel rushed and crushed under this pile of my age

I've 20,21,22 and 23

everyone of them have felt the same

I wanna change and runaway

I wanna hide and bite and kiss you all at the same time

Idk my extent of my emotions

Its so offensive to see other live the life you've prayed for. That feeling is so raw, like I see that there might be some god up there and he definitely has some favorites.

Takuboku Ishikawa, from a poem featured in On Knowing Oneself Too Well: The Selected Poems of Takuboku Ishikawa

I'm trying my best

Sylvia Plath, from The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath