A Raccoon, A Tree And A Disney Princess

if u ever feel sad remember that robert englund once took a nap on the set of a nightmare on elm street in full freddy krueger makeup and when he woke up he looked straight into a mirror and scared the shit out of himself

Get you a group of friends like this

STOP MAKING BAD DECISIONS AT 3AM

JUST GO TO BED

a m b i g u o u s

Mini: [holding an ambiguous bottle] Is this whiskey or perfume?

Kryoz: [grabs and chugs the entire bottle]

Kryoz: It’s perfume.

it sharpens me like A KNIFE

Uber Driver: I’m close, where are you?

Kryoz: Oh I see you

Uber Driver: Are you the guy in the middle of the road?

Kryoz: Yeah floor it

melt your headaches- call it home. 

if you dissociate hard enough you can eavesdrop on conversations you’re a part of

please listen to this poor man losing his shit as he reads an article blaming millenials for killing the mayonnaise industry that was written by a babyboomer upset people don’t want to eat her bland salads anymore