Rdr2 AU Where The Gangs Are Running Restaurants (Dutch's Business Is Failing Miserably And Arthur Is

a collection

I was bored so I decided to comedically describe what some of DC superheroes powers are, but horribly summarized.

Superman: Big dick energy

Batman: White privilege

Wonder Woman: Bondage and femdom/ the baddest bitch alive

The Flash: "🎶He's a runner, he's track star--*

Green Arrow: Also white privilege, but from wish

Black Canary: "Damn, that white girl can scream"

Huntress:"Hahaha! You messed with the wrong white girl!"

Roadtripppp!

Soap, squished in the back seat: And why exactly does Gaz get to sit in the front again, Cap'n? Price, driving: Because he's my favourite. Also I don't trust Ghost being near the wheel. Ghost, grumbling looking out the window: Whatever, asshole. Gaz, smug in the front seat: It's true though, ever since Las Almas- Ghost: I get it, I get it, you don't have to remind me. Rudy, smushed between Soap and Ghost: Why am I here again? Soap: I needed a cuddle buddy, obviously? Ghost isn't a cuddling type, are you Ghost? Ghost: Nope. Rudy, sobbing: I want to go home. Alex, in the trunk: Can we pull over I REALLY need to piss. Farah, strapped to the roof outside peering through a window: Oh YOU want to pull over??!? Alejandro in Gaz's footwell like a literal dog: I feel so uncomfortable right now. Laswell, on the phone already at the destination, laughing: Should've just taken a plane, lady and gents. Should've just taken a fucking plane.

Batfam's most suggested lunch spots

Dick: Bruce's office mini fridge after an important business outing

Jason: a Crime Alley dumpster where he once found a whole bag of gummy worms when he was ten

Tim: Jason's place after texting him from a burner number pretending to be Roy and Lian

Damian: Ivy's house—she makes vegan food with her worst-behaved plants

Duke: the only working vending machine at Gotham High, inside the teacher's lounge

Cullen: the Batburgers in the gay neighborhood with a secret Batwoman menu

Stephanie: the Waffle House where she was forced to out herself as Spoiler because robbers held it up in the middle of her meal, but to her surprise everyone in the restaurant agreed to keep her secret

Cassandra: the 24-hour convenience stores in Hong Kong where she can get an entire meal for the price of a bag of chips in America

Barbara: the GCPD break room—turns out tax dollars are paying for catering

Harper: everyone talks about Ma Kent's baking but not enough folks appreciate Pa's grilling

Carrie: a boardwalk vendor who combined pretzels and nachos

Kate: the Justice League cafeteria when it's Flash Fries Friday

Alfred: you would think he'd say his own cooking but it's actually the chicken shop near his old school

Selina: Arkham—she never wants to go back but she can't help but be nostalgic for her favorite mush

Bruce: he would say Alfred's cooking if Alfred hadn't flown back to England for chicken, so the next best is the steakhouse inside Wayne Enterprises

ONLINE - 141 social media au

୨୧ 𝘴𝘺𝘯𝘰𝘱𝘴𝘪𝘴 : the task forces tinder profiles.

୨୧ 𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘴 : suggestive.

He is wearing the 'ok bitch call batman I'll have sex with him' tee because the entirety of batman inc. keeps doubting his abilities and threatening to call batman

Soldier: Calling our allies by their legal names!

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Soldier: Hey, Farah

Farah: *turns and stares at him*

Farah: Do I know you?

Soldier: ... no

Farah: Oh good, I was afraid I had forgotten another name

Soldier: Oh-

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Soldier: hey Alex-

Alex: What?

Soldier:

Alex: ... you said my name like you had a question? What was it??

Soldier: I didn't have a question

Alex: ... wasting my time- *leaves*

Soldier: ... Hey Alex-

Alex, immediately: Yea?

Soldier: *snorts*

Alex: AHH-

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Soldier: Sup, Phil

Graves: Ex-fucking-cuse me?

Soldier: I-

Graves: Nah- You don't have that privilege

Shadow passing by: Hey Phil

Graves: Sup

Soldier:

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Soldier: Hey [redacted]

Soldier: *immediately tackled by Chimera soldiers*

Nik: ... they won't notice you're gone

I like to imagine hosea and dutchs reunion in the afterlife is like marty and alex’s reunion in madagascar where they run to each other both seemingly excited but then dutch realises hosea looks kinda pissed and hosea just starts chasing him trying to beat the shit out of his stupid husband for what he did to their sons