Crispysnewblog - Crispy Nugget

When you become a speedster it's just inevitable that everything you own will become part of the group for casual use because distance means nothing and you're in one communal unit.

So when Wally finally takes the plunge to a buy an airfryer everyone is quick to remind him that it's really...

Another chapter of my "The Waynes on Twitter" work on AO3

Masterlist of Tweets

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28 - Human Disaster Bruce Wayne

less jason todd body horror being attributed to the pit and more because he’s a cosmic mistake whose revival is unexplainable

Batfam's most suggested lunch spots

Dick: Bruce's office mini fridge after an important business outing

Jason: a Crime Alley dumpster where he once found a whole bag of gummy worms when he was ten

Tim: Jason's place after texting him from a burner number pretending to be Roy and Lian

Damian: Ivy's house—she makes vegan food with her worst-behaved plants

Duke: the only working vending machine at Gotham High, inside the teacher's lounge

Cullen: the Batburgers in the gay neighborhood with a secret Batwoman menu

Stephanie: the Waffle House where she was forced to out herself as Spoiler because robbers held it up in the middle of her meal, but to her surprise everyone in the restaurant agreed to keep her secret

Cassandra: the 24-hour convenience stores in Hong Kong where she can get an entire meal for the price of a bag of chips in America

Barbara: the GCPD break room—turns out tax dollars are paying for catering

Harper: everyone talks about Ma Kent's baking but not enough folks appreciate Pa's grilling

Carrie: a boardwalk vendor who combined pretzels and nachos

Kate: the Justice League cafeteria when it's Flash Fries Friday

Alfred: you would think he'd say his own cooking but it's actually the chicken shop near his old school

Selina: Arkham—she never wants to go back but she can't help but be nostalgic for her favorite mush

Bruce: he would say Alfred's cooking if Alfred hadn't flown back to England for chicken, so the next best is the steakhouse inside Wayne Enterprises

hrnghhhh FTM trans Soap thoughts

lil Soap who always knew he wasn’t like the other girls his age

lil Soap who cried when he couldn’t join the boys’ footie league at school. His mom signed him up for a girls’ league instead, but for some reason that only made him want to cry more and he wasn’t sure why.

lil Soap who would always say “No, i’m hamsome!” whenever someone called him pretty, but grew out of it when he got older because the quiet laughs and ruffles of his hair that he received in response evolved into long silences and weird looks that he didn’t know how to interpret.

lil Soap who refused to brush his hair because it was a waste of time, so his mum always had to braid it every morning to keep it from turning into a rat’s nest, eventually coaxing him to let her brush it at least once a week because “I want you to look nice for church, m'ulaidh” and even then he’d sit on his little stool with the poutiest look on his face because this takes so loooong! How can anyone do this every single day?!

trans Soap whose family always sort of knew. The first time he comes back from a long deployment after starting T, he’s worried because he’s changed a lot and he doesn’t know how they’ll react, but when his Mum opens the door and lets him into the house, she just pinches his cheeks and says “you look just like your father” while his siblings immediately start clowning on him for his mohawk

Trans Soap who had to disclose his identity to Price so that he could still get his T shots while deployed and couldnt hide his big ol’ smile when Price just clapped him on the shoulder after signing the paperwork and said “Welcome to the team, son.”

Trans Soap who comes out to Simon over breakfast at his flat, where a drunk walk home the previous night had turned into to a make out session and almost a hookup, but had ended in a slightly awkward sleepover for obvious reasons.

Ghost who hasn’t exactly taken the time to sit down and work out what and who exactly he’s attracted to, he just knows he likes Johnny, so he takes a long sip of his coffee (because Johnny doesn’t have any tea) as he works out how to respond.

Ghost who can see how antsy Soap is getting while he thinks about what to say, so he puts down his mug and blurts out “still got an arsehole, don’t ya?” and starts mentally kicking himself the second the words leave his mouth because what the fuck?? who says that? He’s so nervous his hands are shaking and that’s how you respond? You blew it Simon, you idiot-

Soap who starts losing his mind laughing, both because that was the goofiest thing anyone has ever said in response to finding out about him being trans and he’s so relieved that Simon didn’t make a big deal of it

and then they kiss or something idk

Could we get some That Unemployed Friend On A Tuesday Jason x Redneck Engineer Roy

[on the phone]

Dick: Hey, I'm about to go on lunch break. Do you and Roy wanna come?

Jason: Nah, we're already cooking.

Roy: *throws a match into a bucket of kerosene*

Dick: Is everything okay? I hear something on fire.

Jason, putting a baking tray on the flaming bucket: Yep, just making grilled cheese.

———————

Tim: *working in his office*

Jason and Roy: *hovers outside the window*

Tim: What the hell?

Jason: We turned our bikes into a helicopter.

Roy: We gotta keep pedaling so we don't fall.

———————

[at a restaurant]

Roy: Dude, this place is deserted.

Jason: I know. Normally it's packed.

Steph, the waitress: That's because it's 2 PM. And please stop making the Eiffel Tower with forks.

Roy, connecting forks: ...

———————

[at the high school]

Duke: Uh... what are you guys doing here?

Jason: We decided to enter the science fair.

Roy: Allow me to introduce the Duct Tape Blimp 2.0!

———————

[at the middle school]

Damian: My idiot brother and his friend are in the teacher's lounge.

Jon: Why?

Damian: To show off their junkyard coffee maker.

———————

Bruce: Jason, I thought I told you to shovel the driveway.

Jason: We are!

Bruce: We?

Roy, on an ATV with shovels attached: 'Sup B-man.

CoD incorrect quotes BUT Price is everyone’s dad bc why not lol

*throws confetti*

Price: we all have our own demons

Price, gesturing at the TF141: these are mine

*at zoo*

Soap: what are they in for?

Price: this isn’t a prison…

Gaz: so they can leave?

Price: no, but…

Ghost, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone

Soap, holding a python: guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him?

Price: YOU DID WHAT?!?

Gaz: William Snakespear

Gaz, gesturing at Price: Soap! Look what you did! You made dad upset

Soap: dad, please don’t cry. We’re sorry…

Price, drunk out of his mind and near tears: I DONT REMEMBER GIVING BIRTH TO ANY OF YOU!

Price: IM NOT A FATHER FIGURE

Ghost: what are you doing??

Price, holding a knife above a sandwich: Gaz doesn’t like the crust

Bonus!

He sticks their mission reports on the fridge and THAT’S, ladies and gentlemen and others, CANON!!!

We don’t appreciate the fact that Bruce Wayne is a Kardasian level celebrity enough. Everyone knows him. I want more one shots and crack fic moments where the League (Pre identity reveals) just openly talk about Bruce Wayne in front of Batman.

Just imagine them playing fuck, marry, kill with famous actors and such and throwing Bruce into the mix. And Batman just sits there, silently suffering as he listens to the reasons why Flash and Lantern would marry, fuck, or kill him. He prays they choose kill. They don’t.

actually though. various (sfw) kryptonian biology headcanons that skirt right up to human-passing

- higher base body temperature

- pupils that aren’t black but instead shaded slightly in the color of the iris. all kryptonians have unnaturally vivid eyes but it’s hard to tell exactly why unless you’re literally gazing into them

- tapetum lucidum (reflective eyes like animals) a bit harder to get away with, but are extremely funny because clark often does the maneuver where he’ll stand in front of a car to stop it, and this would make seeing him like seeing a deer but 10000000% worse

- they are actually bioluminescent it’s just that under normal circumstances it’s in the ultraviolet and we can’t see it. clark goes off to a blue sun mission and comes back looking halfway to electric blue superman. glowing stripes and freckles

- non-newtonian dynamic to their skin/flesh where it gets harder with more force applied; nothing unusual to the feeling of a normal handshake, but a punch thrown with force will break bone

- retractable fangs au because bonus teef are fun

- i swear some comic somewhere said something about nose gills

- solar lymphatic system primarily distributed along the spine. the entire spine lighting up with heat vision…

- they can collapse/skrunkle their spine a few inches; helpful with secret identity, but it restricts range of motion so it has the side benefit of making them a little clumsier

- blood tinged gold with stored solar energy

- just enough extra twist in their neck to enter uncanny valley territory - not quite looking straight behind but enough to be creepy as hell. kara would do this all the time

- golden age face squooshing. i do not think this should come back but it was actual canon for a while that they could just contort their faces. again creepy as fuck